Lowering The Toner

| West Midlands, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a printer that doesn’t take ink.”

Me: “You mean, like a laser printer that takes toner?”

Customer: “No, I want one that you don’t have to put ink in.”

Me: “As in, you never need to replace the cartridges?”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s not possible.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Conservation of mass?”

Zombies Need Lawyers Too

| Miami, FL, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we are waiting on your prescriber to contact the pharmacy because parts of your prescription were unclear.”

Customer: “Are you telling me my prescription is not ready?”

Me: “Yes, it is not ready.”

Customer: “Well, if I die, I’m suing you!”

Related:
Zombies Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

This One Will Be Slow To Register

| Hays, KS, USA | Uncategorized

(I am supervisor. I take calls from normal representatives when customers ask for it.)

Me: “Why is the customer escalating?”

Representative: “He doesn’t know what he purchased.”

(Although skeptical, I have the rep bring the customer on.)

Me: “I’d be happy to help you out, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The last guy wouldn’t register my product.”

Me: “I’d be happy to. When was it purchased?”

Customer: “Today.”

Me: “And how much did you pay?”

Customer: “$50.”

Me: “Alright, what is the product?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “I need to know what it is to register it, sir.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just register it without that?”

Not The Most Well-Red On Allergens

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Is that smoothie red?”

Me: “Yes, the strawberries do that.”

Customer: “Okay. I can’t have those. So, this one is orange, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But it still has strawberries in it.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright. I just can’t have smoothies when they are red.”

Eating Steak On Rare Occasions

| Scranton, PA, USA | Top

Customer: “I would like the 12 oz. New York Strip.”

Me: “Excellent, sir. How would you like that prepared? There is a description of all of our options on your menu.”

Customer: “Rare! And I mean extra rare! I want the cow to still be mooing on my plate!”

Me: “Alright, sir. We can do that for you. Would you–”

Customer: “I need you to write extra rare! I want it dripping blood. That is how a real man eats steak! That burnt stuff isn’t for real men! Extra rare!”

(This continues for a few minutes, until I assure the customer that I will speak to the manager in order to be sure that his steak is extra rare. I put in an order for a ‘Black and Blue’. This steak is more rare than the usual; the inside is cool and the outside seared. As promised, I tell the manager about the customer’s specific request. After I serve the food, I get flagged down by the customer.)

Customer: “What is this? This is cold! How long has it been sitting there?”

Me: “Sir, I assure you I brought your dishes out as soon as they were finished.”

Customer: “Then what is wrong with your cooks? They don’t bother cooking my food? Why is it cold?”

Me: ”Sir, you ordered your steak to be extra rare. As it explains on the menu, this means that the internal temperature of the steak will be cool.”

Customer: “What is wrong with you people? Who wants a cold steak? I never said I wanted a cold steak! I saw extra rare! That means the middle part is pink and hot! Who can eat this raw cold
stuff!”

Me: ”I apologize for the misunderstanding, sir. I can alert the management and have them make another steak for you.”

Customer: “No! I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! This is disgusting. You people should be reported! Come on honey, let’s go to that sushi place next door!”