A Cold Replay Post Coldplay

| TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

(We’re at a party during a large music festival. Drinks are free, and there are a number of other activities at the event. We’re standing in line for the video photo booth. The employee operating the booth overhears our conversation.)

Me: “I pity whoever has to review all of these drunken videos.”

Employee: “That would be me.”

Me: “Oh… they make you look through every one of them?”

Employee: “Yeah, I’ve seen so many bare breasts.”

Me: “They flash the camera? Don’t they have to sign away their rights to the footage?”

Employee: “Yeah, but here’s the thing you have to know about drunk girls at a music festival: They aren’t very smart.”

A Borderline Liar

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

(A customer is paying with her credit card.)

Me: “I just need to see your card and ID.”

(She hands me her YMCA card.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I need a valid ID.”

Customer: “That is a valid ID.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I need either a state issued ID or a military ID.”

(She looks through her wallet but can’t find her ID.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you want to use another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I use this card everywhere I go for identification. I’ve even passed through immigration with this.”

Me: “Really? With your YMCA card?”

Customer: “Yes! At the airport, all you need is an ID with a picture on it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, I guess we are just not as lenient as Homeland Security.”

Height Trumps Hate

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

(My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

(The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

(Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

(The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

Brother: “Okay…”

(As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

(I love my little brother.)

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October Top Story Roundup

Not Always Right | Roundups

October Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of October!

  1. Not All Knights Are In Shining Armor (3,633 thumbs up)
    Two unexpected young heroes come to the rescue of a mother and her two children!
  2. When Customers Actually Give A Jam (3,599 thumbs up)
    A customer shows a mother the sticky consequences of refusing to parent her bratty children.
  3. Why Nurses Should Rule The World (3,598 thumbs up)
    A caring nurse goes above and beyond for scared little boy in this heartwarming story!
  4. Hot Food Can Leave You Feeling Warm & Fuzzy (3,075 thumbs up)
    A cashier joins forces with a police officer to make things easier for a recently-rescued girl.
  5. Hair Unapparent For This Fair Parent (2,832 thumbs up)
    A bad customer unexpectedly sets a good example for another customer’s son!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Bubble-gum Butt

| Robeline, LA, USA | Family & Kids

(A regular customer comes in with her little boy who is no more than six. She fixes him an Icee and herself a fountain soda and he grabs a piece of 10¢ gum.)

Customer: “Okay, so we have a fountain drink, an Icee, and he’s got the gum.”

Little boy: *holding up one finger* “One gum today!”

(As I’m processing his mom’s transaction, the little boy notices our “anti-theft” mirror. He promptly turns around, crouches slightly, and starts shaking his butt. I start laughing uncontrollably and his mom turns around.)

Customer: *laughs, then shakes her head* “I have no idea what to say to that!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, lord. That was too cute!”

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