It’s His Cue To Go

| Nebraska, USA | Wild & Unruly

(It’s late Easter Sunday evening. The hall is empty except for one group of four. One member of the group is intoxicated and has been allowed to stay but not to drink.)

Customer: “Eight ball in the corner…”

(He shoots and misses by a wide margin.)

Customer: “GODD*** IT! SON OF A B****!”

(Suddenly, he smashes the house pool cue repeatedly on the table until it is nothing but splinters.)

Me: “HEY! You need to leave here, right now!”

Customer: “Why?! What the h*** is your problem?!”

Semper Bye Bye, Part 2

| MN, USA | Health & Body, Military, Top

(I’ve recently come back from a week off recovering from surgery. This takes place when a semi-regular customer, who has always been a bit of a pain, sees me back.)

Customer: “You! Where the h*** have you been?! Off on vacation, I assume, off enjoying yourself not giving two s***s about your customers!”

Me: “Actually, I was recovering from surgery.”

Customer: “Right, you expect me to believe you had surgery done? You were probably on vacation! Don’t you know you people don’t get a vacation? You are put on this earth to cater to people like me!”

Me: “Yeah, no.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “I’m not put here to cater to you. In fact, I’m refusing you service.”

Customer: “You can’t do that, you stupid b****! Do your f***ing job before I beat some sense into you!”

(By this point, a coworker and the owner have overheard the commotion and come over.)

Coworker: *to me* “Go ahead and clock out.”

Customer: *startled* “What?”

Coworker: “You wanted to have a go at her, right? Well, I’m letting her go clock out. I should warn you, though, she’s a black belt and she served two tours in Iraq. Good luck to you, sir.”

Customer: *to the owner* “I want her fired!”

Owner: “I want to watch her kick your a** all over our parking lot. We can’t always get what we want.”

Customer: “You can’t speak to me this way! Don’t you know who I am?”

Owner: “Can’t say that I care who you are.”

Customer: “I’m very important!”

Coworker: “No you aren’t. People who say that are never important. Are you also kind of a big deal?”

Customer: “I DEMAND something be done about this! What are you going to do?!”

Owner: “Well, first I’m going to kick you out, then I’m going to let her go kick you around our parking lot, THEN I plan to give both my employees here raises for having to deal with people like you.”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Owner: “Sure I can. Oh, and I’d get moving if I were you. I’m sending her to clock out right now.”

Customer: “Right, like you can do anything to me.”

Me: “Honey, I was trained by the US Marines. Do you really want to take that chance?”

(The customer finally believes me and suddenly looks terrified. He starts backing away with his hands out.)

Customer: “Hey, we were just fooling… no harm done, right?”

Me: “Wrong, I’ll give you a ten second head start…”

(The customer runs out of the store in a blind panic. We never saw him again after that. My coworker and I did in fact get a raise!)

Related:
Semper Bye Bye

In Defence Of Common Sense

| Canada | Money, Technology, Top

Customer: “Yeah, this phone still powers on, but the flip part of the screen has been ripped off. Can you pull the contacts off and put them on my new phone? I’m not a customer with your company though.”

Me: “That’s okay. Well, sometimes if the device is still operational I might be able to access the contacts transfer even without the screen. I’ll try my best.”

Customer: “I NEED these contacts. I’m desperate.”

Me: “I understand how frustrating this is for you. We charge $15 to do the transfer. But if it doesn’t work, I wont charge you anything at all.”

Customer: “What? You’re not going to do it for free?”

Me: “No, sir, I have to charge a fee for my time and services.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! You should do it for free!”

Me: “Right, and what do you do for a living, sir?”

Customer: “I make fences.”

Me: “Awesome! Is it cool if I swing by after work and get you to build me a fence for my puppy who likes to play in my backyard? Of course, I can’t pay you, so can you do it for free?”

Customer: “What?! No! I don’t work for free.”

Me: “Yeah, neither do I.”

Customer: *lightbulb goes on*

(I transferred his contacts, and yes, he paid the service charge.)

Home Doesn’t Always Work

| Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

(I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

Me: “No, nor am I.”

Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

Mother: “Why?”

Rage Before Beauty, Part 2

| Maine, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(A customer in her late 60s walks up with her granddaughter, who is probably 18-20 in age.)

Customer: “I want to return this crap!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, but you’d better take it back!”

(I page a manager to approve a no-receipt return. It gets approved and we explain it’ll have to go on a store gift card. The customer is still angry, but the granddaughter helps us calm her down.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, here’s your gift card. There’s $24.83 on it.”

(The customer snatches the card from my hands. Meanwhile, she watches the POS terminal like a hawk to see how things add up.)

Customer: “NO, NO, NO! That was buy one, get one free!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am let me have someone check…”

(As I page for someone on the floor to price check, I see a line of angry people forming behind her. We’re an insanely busy store in the summer, and it’s been a good ten minutes by this point. My coworker returns from checking the price.)

Coworker: “It has no tag, or none near it. Where did you see buy one, get one free, ma’am?”

Customer: “A couple weeks ago!  It was buy one, get one free!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t price modify for a sale a couple weeks old.”

Customer: “You can and you will. Let me speak to your manager!”

(I page the manager again, and they approve the modification while giving me a “Get this crazy customer out of our store” look).

Me: “Alright ma’am, I’ve run your gift card. That leaves $10.21 remaining on your total.”

Customer: “I should get it free for all the hassle you people put me through here!”

(The customer throws a 20 at me. I make change and she storms off, with the total transaction time about 16 minutes. Next up is her granddaughter, who is calm and polite. She puts her nail polish on the counter and I ring her up. Whole transaction time? 20 seconds.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer’s Granddaughter: “You too!”

Customer: *to her granddaughter* “Danielle, are you FINALLY done?! What took you so long?! I swear, you young people are SO inconsiderate, like that idiot behind the counter!”

Related:
Rage Before Beauty

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