Undeserving And Uptight

| Maine, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a small city police department as the parking enforcement officer. I’m writing a parking ticket for a car parked over the time limit when a snobbish driver driving a sports car parallel parks in a nearby space and gets out of her car.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Could you do me a favor and back your car up a few feet? You’re over the line just a bit.”

(I point to where the front bumper is a good three feet into the next space.)

Driver: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes, please. If your car is too far into the next space, then the next person who tries to park in that space will have to park even more forward. It causes a domino effect where until no car on the street will be able to fit into a space.”

Driver: “Fine. I can’t believe this!”

(She gets back into her car, backs up two feet, then drives forward even more than she was before. I realize that she thinks I’m concerned about how far she is from the curb, and she’s trying to wiggle closer.)

Driver: “There, is that good enough?”

Me: “Well, it’s not the side lines I’m worried about. You’re fine there. See this line here?” *taps the line dividing her space from the one in front of it* “You need to be inside these lines so that other cars will be able to use the space in front of you.”

Driver: “I don’t get it. I’m centered between the other cars.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s because the car in front of you is a tiny car and they’re parked all the way at the front of their space. They’re still well within their lines.”

Driver: “How am I supposed to tell if I’m behind that line? I can’t see the lines when I’m inside the car. Do you expect me to get out of the car and look?”

Me: “I understand it can be tricky. But most people manage to park inside the lines.”

Driver: “Boy, this city must be hard up for money if you’re being this picky about parking.”

Me: “Actually, I’m trying to help you not get a ticket. You just need to back up a few feet and then you’ll be out of the other space.”

(The driver gets back into her car with a huff, and very slowly backs it up. I give her a wave to let her know that she’s good.)

Driver: “There, I hope you’re happy! If I knew I’d be dealing with a b**** today, I would have gone somewhere else!”

When Intelligences Cancel Out

| New Zealand | At The Checkout, Money, Top

(I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

(I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

You Read My Mind

| Lake Zurich, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m working the concession stand at the local movie theater when two teenage girls approach.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I’d like a large.”

Me: “A large what?”

Customer #1: *glares angrily* “A large POP.”

Me: *stares at her and smiles*

Customer #1: *angrily* “What?!”

Customer #2: “Tell him what kind of pop.”

Customer #1: *laughs* “Oh my God, I’m so blonde!”

This iPhone Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

| Cedar Park, TX, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m putting up items in the electronics section at my store. A small child is playing with a phone on display. The mother notices, grabs the phone, and puts it down.)

Mother: “Son, don’t play with that!”

Son: “Why not?”

Mother: “You’re not smart, so you don’t need a smartphone!”

The Cannabis Chronicles

| Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

(I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

(The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

Page 1,699/2,924First...1,6971,6981,6991,7001,701...Last