They Have Incompatible Operating Systems

| England, UK | Right | April 24, 2014

(I own a small computer store that specializes in repairs and does a large number of home and work visits to repair machines on site. I am a gay man. My partner is an employee, and we often go on call-outs together. This particular call-out is to a young woman’s home. She seems quite pleasant.)

Me: “This seems straight forward enough, but it will take some time to complete. [Partner] will head back to the shop to get some parts whilst I work on that, if that’s all right?”

Customer: “That’s fine, thanks.”

(I continue working on the machine whilst my partner heads back. Whilst he’s gone the customer heads out of the room for a moment and comes back without her sweater on, and only the shirt beneath it. I don’t think anything of it.)

Customer: “Can I get you a cup of tea or some biscuits?”

Me: “That’d be great. Two sugars, thanks very much.”

(She leaves for a couple of minutes and comes back with some tea and biscuits, now wearing only a tank top instead of the shirt. I’m getting a little suspicious.)

Customer: “There you go. You don’t mind me watching you work, right?”

Me: “Of course not. I prefer to have the owners with me. It avoids me getting accused of anything.”

Customer: “Ah, you don’t have to worry about that, hun.”

(She sits a little close for comfort whilst I work. I don’t say anything, but I can guess what’s going on here. A few more minutes pass before the phone rings and she leaves the room to answer it. Shortly, she returns wearing only a bra on her top half. I’m speechless.)

Customer: “That was my husband. He said he won’t be home for some time, I’m afraid.”

(Seconds later my partner walks in through the front door and straight into the room I’m working in and is also stood there speechless.)

Me: “Uhh… Hey, love, did you get the parts?”

(Even though he’s holding them, I want her to see I’m gay. He nods.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re gay?”

(Silence for a moment.)

Customer: “Even better.”

Me: “I’m afraid we have to go now.”

(I and my partner practically run out the door, leaving the computer case open but functional.)

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The King Of Weird

| AR, USA | Right | April 24, 2014

(It’s close to the end of my shift and the store is near empty. I am so happy to have a customer. I greet the man who walks up with a broad smile and an energetic hello.)

Customer: “Well, hello there, cashier girl.”

Me: “Oh, hello! Did you find everything okay? It’s a beautiful night out, isn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes, but it would be more beautiful if you were in it.”

Me: *weird giggle*

Customer: *puffs out chest and leans on my counter* “You deserve a man that will treat you like a princess.”

Me: *seeing where this is going and needing to avoid it at all costs* “I’d rather be treated as an equal.”

Customer: “So, do you have a man that treats you like the princess you are?”

(I look this man up and down. He is clearly on drugs, about 55 years old, and wearing a cut off shirt and short shorts that do not cover his butt-crack or his legs.)

Me: “Yes, I have a man. And he treats me how I feel I deserve to be treated.”

Customer: “Hmmm, well, yes. But you deserve to be treated like a princess.” *tears the corner of his check I have handed back to him* “Take this. When you need to be pampered like the royalty you are, you can give me a call, sugar.”

(The man walks off with his cart, shaking his butt and singing some random song.)

Eventually Made The Right Decision

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | April 24, 2014

(I work as a claims adjuster for a major insurance company and have made a liability decision on a minor parking lot accident in which both parties told the exact same story. Unfortunately my client was majority at fault, but we would only be paying 60% of the other party’s repairs. I call my customer and leave a message regarding the liability decision and my phone number. He calls me back a short time later.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you did this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “How could you do this without calling me first! You decided I was at fault!”

Me: “Sir, I took a recorded statement from you and from the other party and outlined exactly the kinds of things would factor into the decision.”

Customer: “But you didn’t call me first!”

Me: “I did call you; I took your statement.”

Customer: “But then you made a decision!”

Me: “Sir, it’s my job to make a decision, as you know, and I don’t need your permission or approval to do so.”

Customer: “I know! But I can’t believe you did that!”

Me: “Sir, are you contesting liability? You both told the exact same story and given the facts and damage to both vehicles, you’re both telling the truth. No matter how we look at it, you were backing out and didn’t pay attention to what was behind you.”

Customer: “I know! I agree that’s what happened!”

Me: “Then why are you upset? How can we resolve this?”

Customer: “You made this decision!”

Me: “Sir, I had to make a decision. Again, are you questioning the liability decision? Do you have other information to add?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Sir, then please tell me what you want me to say because I simply don’t understand how to resolve this for you.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, you know what? I’m just mad about the whole thing. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I’m really sorry. I work in customer service and I hate when people call and yell at me, and that’s what I’m doing to you. You made the right decision, I accept it, and I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just… needed to yell at someone.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Well… thank you, then. I can definitely understand that!”

Customer: “Thank you for being so patient with me. I’m really sorry, again, to have yelled at you and hope the rest of your day goes better.”

Me: “Thank you.” *we go on to resolve claim payment and I explain repair procedures, etc.*

Manager: “I heard you talking and picked up to listen in. I didn’t know what he was angry about either!” *laughing* “I’ll put a few notes in file about how you handled the call.”

(A few minutes later, a team leader comes up to my desk.)

Team Leader: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I just took a call from a guy who said he just yelled at you for no reason. He wanted to make sure your supervisor knows he thinks you’re excellent at your job, you’ve provided great customer service and he’s happy with the outcome of his claim. I’m passing this on to your team leader and manager.”

(I STILL laugh about that call, and think it’s one of the reasons I was promoted shortly afterward. Thank you, sir!)

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Asking Ballsy Questions

| Roseville, CA, USA | Right | April 24, 2014

Female Customer: “I’d like to return these men’s underwear.”

Return Counter Clerk: “That’s fine. Was there something wrong with them?”

Female Customer: *with a totally straight face* “My husband says his balls keep falling out of them.”

(No further questions!)

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Like A Dog After A Bone

| USA | Right | April 23, 2014

(It’s about half an hour before closing time on a Saturday, which is jokingly referred to by the employees as ‘the creeper hour’ because of all the strange customers we get during that time. However, this night has been relatively slow and weird-free. Customer #1, a man, comes to my line and sets down two cartons of ice cream.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer #1: “Fine, thanks. My dog wanted to go for a ride, so I thought I’d reward myself for listening to him.”

(I kind of laugh with the customer and ring through his order. After he pays, he still stands at my register, staring at me.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer #1: “My dog is a real little dog. It’s probably tearing up my car right now. I can never get him to settle down.”

Me: “Yeah, smaller dogs tend to have more energy.”

Customer #1: “It’s because his parents are siblings.”

Me: “Oh…”

Customer #1: “I had the brother and sister dogs and they got together somehow. Had four puppies. One was born with heart problems and died. I gave two away.”

Me: *trying to not cringe* “Okay…”

Customer #1: “I don’t know how they did it. I don’t know why they did it. Why do brother and sister dogs f***? I caught them once. I couldn’t get the brother dog off his sister. You just never forget those kinds of things.”

Me: “Sir, do you mind just—”

(At this point, a second customer comes to my line. She loudly throws some soup cans on the conveyor belt.)

Customer #2: “Oh, hello, sweetie! How are you tonight?”

(Customer #1 glares at her and moves down a little, but still is at my register and opens his mouth as if to continue talking.)

Customer #2: *loudly* “Boy, I can’t believe how great the sales are this week! Oh, do you mind putting my milk in a bag? I hate to be a bother, but it’s just easier to carry.”

(Customer #1 finally seems to get that he can’t continue talking about his incestuous dogs and actually pouts as he walks away.)

Customer #2: “Actually sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not done shopping yet. I still need to get a couple more things. You just looked like you needed a way out.”

Me: “Oh, my god, thank you so much. Here, I’ll unload the rest of your things and ring them through while you go get what else you need.”

Customer #2: “But did I hear him right? Did he really say what I think he said? Who even thinks that that’s okay?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be crass but if you think that’s weird then you don’t want to hear the other stuff people have said to me.”

(She laughs and gets the rest of her groceries. When she pays, she asks for $5 cash back and gives it to me for ‘putting up with the village of idiots.’)

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