Wait Until She Hears The Truth About Santa

| MI, USA | Right | December 24, 2013

(A customer walks into the store, explaining ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to her sister. It is a toy resembling one of Santa’s elves, who sits on a shelf in a child’s room.)

Customer: “You tell the kids he’s watching them. At night, he flies back to the North Pole to tell Santa if they’re being good. Then you put him someplace else, like he moved while they were sleeping.”

(The customer sees that we have the plush stuffed elf.)

Customer: “This is the one they can take to bed. You can’t touch the other one or he loses his magic and can’t fly to the North Pole anymore.”

Customer’s Sister: “How can you move him around if you can’t touch him?”

Customer: “…he’s not really magic.”

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Unhappy Holidays

| Canada | Right | December 24, 2013

(I’m sitting at my position, working for a well-known religious charity. I am collecting donations to fund their various charitable programs. A customer walks by.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Merry Christmas!”

Customer: “You aren’t allowed to say that!” *walks away*

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Smelling A Sale

| Mobile, AL, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(I work at a mall perfume counter. It’s close to Christmas. Many people are running around like crazy. It’s my first Christmas at this job. I’m very nervous about approaching people who look like they’re in a hurry. Two of my coworkers have already been yelled at by some hurrying customers. I see a customer, sort of casually strolling through, and decide to try her.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Would you like a sample of this cologne?”

(The customer gives me a blank look.)

Customer: “What for?”

Me: “For… well, just to smell.”

Customer: “But I’m not a man.”

Me: “Well, no. But maybe you’re looking for a last minute gift for some man in your life?”

Customer: “There is no man in my life! They’re all dead!”

(I am horrified and speechless. The customer bursts into giggles.)

Customer: “Sorry. You all just look so nervous and bored over here. I thought I’d have a bit of fun! That’s [Perfume Name], right? I’ll have four.”

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Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

| Monticello, MN, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(I work at a grocery/retail store that has a somewhat relaxed dress code for the cashiers. It is quite hot both inside and outside the store. Many of my female coworkers are wearing less clothing than usual. A customer comes to my check lane and unloads her groceries.)

Customer: “Oh, thank God. SOMEBODY around here knows how to dress in a way that pleases the Lord!”

(Right away, I know this is going to be unpleasant. I’m a transgender man with no religious belief.)

Customer: “All of these god-d*** heathens dress like streetwalkers! I’m so glad I found someone uncontaminated to handle my food!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say ‘uncontaminated?'”

Customer: “Why, yes, dearie. Those worthless w****s you have to work with are contaminated by the devil! It’s too bad you have spend so much time around them, but I understand times are tough.”

Me: “Actually, I enjoy working here. I have excellent pay, flexible hours, and the opportunity to be part of a great team. I’ve made friends with several of my coworkers, and we regularly spend time together outside of work.”

Customer: “Oh, dearie, you know you shouldn’t yoke yourself to an unbeliever! But I suppose it’s hard to lead some to Christ if you don’t know them very well.”

(At this point, I’m finished scanning and bagging her groceries. She pays with her card and turns to me.)

Customer: “You know, young lady. I just feel so bad for you. You’re stuck in this awful, godless place, and I just—”

(The customer rummages in her purse and pulls out two $5 bills.)

Customer: “Take these are use them to do The Lord’s work!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept your money in good conscience. I happen to be one of those godless heathens you were upset about. Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that you have made a crucial flaw in your perception of me. I am not, as you said, a ‘young lady.’ I am a 21-year-old transgender man.”

(The customer begins to shout various racial, homophobic, and trans-phobic slurs. My manager rushes over to find out what’s going on.)

Customer: “THIS GODLESS C*** CONTAMINATED MY FOOD!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need stop verbally abusing the staff and leave the premises. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call the police.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

Manager: “No, ma’am, and quite frankly I don’t care. You’re shouting some of the vilest insults in the English language at one of my best cashiers. Get your s*** and leave. NOW!”

(The customer flees, insulting both of us the whole time. The next customer in line has watched the situation unfold.)

Next Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me. Would it be alright if I gave you both a gift card? You deserve something nice after all that.”

Me: “You don’t need to—”

Manager: “Uh, okay. Sure.”

Next Customer: “Here. Just [item] and two $25 gift cards for [coffee shop].”

(When the friendly customer gives me the gift card, his number is written on the back. We’ve been dating for almost two years!)

Related:
Store Of The D***ed

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Dog-Gone Cruelty Will Make Your Dogs Gone

| IA, USA | Right | December 23, 2013

(I work at a shelter, mostly doing paperwork. To drop off an animal with us there is a $20 surrender fee. This information is posted right on the door. People often try to get around the fee. They will either tie animals to the front door, leave them in a box, or take them around back and drop them over the five-foot high fence surrounding the exercise yard. One morning a member of staff finds two fluffy toy breeds wandering around the yard. One is limping, presumably from the drop. Any stray not claimed in two weeks is spayed/neutered, health checked, given shots, then placed up for adoption. These two are not claimed and are quickly adopted into new homes. Five weeks after they have been dropped off…)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my dogs.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me, what is the name on your application papers?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t fill any of those out last time I was here. I was in too big of a hurry. Just tell me what the cost is so I can get my dogs and go home.”

Me: “Okay. Why don’t you go to the back and look at the dogs. I’ll get the paperwork started then?”

(In a few minutes, the customer comes storming back.)

Customer: “WHERE ARE MY DOGS?! What kind of boarding kennel is this, giving away my dogs?”

Me: “I’m not understanding you, ma’am. What do you mean?”

Customer: “The lady back there said my dogs aren’t here. I dropped off two [toy breed] dogs five weeks ago when I went on vacation and now they are gone. Where are they?”

(A light clicks. I realize she is talking about the two abandoned toy breeds that were found in our yard. I try to explain that we are not a boarding kennel, what happened to them, and that they had been given new homes. The customer does not want to listen to anything I have to say. After screaming obscenities at me for a good ten minutes, she turns and leaves. She returns later with a police officer in tow.)

Customer: “Her, there behind the desk. I dropped my dogs off here at the boarding kennel. They made my dogs useless by fixing them and then sold them. I demand that you arrest her for damage of property and theft! This is the worst boarding kennel I have ever seen.”

Me: “Ma’am, again, this is not a boarding kennel. We—”

Customer: “Shut it. I don’t want to hear it, you stupid b****!”

Me: “If you will excuse us for one minute, we will see what we can do.”

(Motioning to the officer, I manage to get him alone in the back office. I show him the video feed of the two dogs being dropped over the fence. I make him a quick copy of the video and send him off with it. We return to the front.)

Officer: “Ma’am, will you come with me down to the station, please?”

(The customer smirks at me until the officer takes her by the arm and leads her to the back of his car.)

Customer: “What are you doing? I want my dogs back! Arrest her, not me!”

(They drive off. Later I found out that she was charged with animal cruelty for dropping them over the fence and letting them get hurt when she did, animal neglect for simply dropping them off and not making sure they would be cared for, and two counts of contempt of court for yelling at and spitting on the judge for siding with ‘that d*** boarding kennel.’)

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