No Escape From Stupid Moments

| UK | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the shop at the entrance/exit to the attraction.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where are the nearest toilets?”

Me: “Your best bet is to go back through then they’re in the cafe next door.”

Customer: “Back inside the park?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll let you back through.”

Customer: “But then we won’t be able to get back out again, will we?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “If we go back through we won’t be able to get back out of the park again.”

Me: *trying not to smile* “I assure you, you will.”

Customer: “Wait, that was really stupid wasn’t it?”

Ice Cream Is The Back Up Plan

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top, Transportation

(I work at a charity run property. My job is to greet visitors and, occasionally, help out other departments. Today is unbelievably busy so I’ve been asked to help the car park team. It’s the hottest day of the year.)

Visitor: *pulls up* “Where to?”

Me: *points to a free space* “Just over there, please.”

(The lady drives in that direction, and I look around for a free space for the next car. When I turn around I see that she’s parked in the middle of the exit lane, effectively blocking in everybody else.)

Me: “Excuse me, Miss? You’re blocking the way there. Can you move your car to that space?”

Visitor: “I’m not in the way! My son’s got short legs! We need to park here to be closer to the path.”

Me: “No, please move your car. See…” *points to the lanes we’ve made between cars* “…they all lead here, and you’re blocking the exit.”

Visitor: “Then make a new exit! I’m not moving!”

(By now there’s a line of cars waiting to be directed, and I’m getting flustered.)

Me: “If you’d please just—”

Visitor #2: “Don’t bother kid, she’s not listening. Hey lady! Move your car or we can’t get through!”

(Visitor #1 goes red and moves her car to the space I’d pointed out. A few minutes after I park him, Visitor #2 comes over with an ice cream.)

Visitor #2: “Because ice cream makes everything better!”

Didn’t Pass For The Passport

| Brisbane, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer waiting in line at the post office. A man is having his passport photo taken: the rules are quite strict on what photos are allowed.)

Employee: “Okay, we’re going to have to take another photo. Your mouth was open slightly and they won’t accept it. So, just look straight at the camera with your eyes open and your mouth shut.”

Customer: “At the same time?!”

Failed Across The Board-ing

, | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

(I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

(I fetch my manager.)

Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

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A Brokeback Fountain Of Hate

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bigotry

(We have a small section of movies for the LGBT community. These are clearly labelled, and none of them are too offensive. I am a straight woman in support of the LGBT community. A customer brings up one of the LGBT movies; it shows two women in wedding dresses kissing on the cover.)

Customer: “I demand you keep this trash behind the counter!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is a whole section dedicated to this ‘trash’ and honestly, I can’t keep just one case behind the counter. Our customers are going to need a way to see that we have it available.”

Customer: *waves DVD case in my face* “Who watches this trash anyway!? It’s sinful smut and I don’t want children seeing it!”

Me: “That is why it is up high on the shelves, in a little corner, behind a curtain that is clearly labelled for LGBT movies. Makes me wonder how you saw it ma’am, as you would have to walk to that corner and move the curtain. Honestly, I don’t even think we need the curtain. I think there should be more tolerance for gays and those of the LGBT community.”

Customer:You did this! You brought all of those movies from home, and put them in that section because you support f***! You should not be working where Christians shop!”

Me: “I’m straight, ma’am, but I do support the LGBT community. I can promise you I did not bring those movies from home. We are legally allowed to rent out those movies here. Now if you would please give me the DVD so that I can put it back where it belongs, I would be very happy.”

(She flings the DVD case at me. I duck in time for it not to hit me, but it crashes into the sign we have up to show what our new releases are.)

Customer: “GO TO H***!”

(She stomps out of the store. A few moments later, my manager calls. I tell her what just happened.)

Manager: “Oh dear, do you need some coffee?”

Me: “Only a lot.”

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