Seriously Cheesed Off

| FL, USA | Right | June 9, 2014

(I work in the deli section of my store. We have only one meat slicer and one cheese slicer. Right now, we have a long line at the slicers. My coworker is slicing meat and I’m slicing cheese.)

Me: *to the line of people* “Cheese? Cheese? Anyone getting sliced cheese?”

(A customer puts his phone down and approaches.)

Customer #1: “Hi, can I have a pound of turkey?”

Me: “Okay. Any cheese for you, sir?”

Customer #1: “No, I’m not getting cheese.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I was asking about cheese. My buddy here is slicing meat. He’ll be with you in a moment.”

(He gives me a disgruntled look and gets back in line.)

Me: *louder* “Is anyone getting cheese sliced today?”

(Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “Yes, can I get cooked ham, please?”

Me: “Do you need any cheese, sir?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid there will be a short wait. I’m only slicing cheese; my coworker is doing the meat.”

Customer #2: “Um, okay.”

(He gets back in line.)

Coworker: *snickering*

Me: *very loudly* “DOES ANYONE HERE NEED SLICED CHEESE?”

(A little old lady walks up to me.)

Customer #3: “I want to get some turkey breast, please.”

Me: “Are you getting any cheese, ma’am?”

Customer #3: “No, I don’t need any.”

Me: *sighing* “I’m sorry, I’m only slicing cheese. He’s doing meat. I’m doing cheese.”

Customer #3: “You mean I have to wait?!”

Me: “We only have one meat slicer, ma’am.”

(She throws her hands up in frustration and gets back in line. My coworker is now chuckling loudly.)

Me: “Well, since no one needs cheese, I’m going to go clean up the mess in the cooler.”

Coworker: “What mess?”

Me: “The one that’s going to be there after I face-palm my brains all over the wall…”

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They Don’t Have Lines Like They Used To

| AZ, USA | Right | June 9, 2014

(Our business is near a retirement community so we get a lot of senior citizens who come in for breakfast. As I’m cleaning tables a very elderly man in a walker approaches me and hands me a 20 dollar bill.)

Me: “Um, thank you, sir. I’m sorry, but what is this for?”

Customer: “Well, young lady, I was just telling my friend that they don’t make ’em like they used to. But then you came along and made my day!”

Me: “Oh, haha! Thanks that’s very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

Customer: “Nonsense! Get yourself a nice pair of black garters. You know, like Betty Page used to wear. Then you can give me a heart attack and I’ll die a happy man.”

(He gives me a saucy wink and scoots off on his walker, leaving me holding the bill. I was left slightly perplexed, but I had to admire the old goat’s chutzpah.)

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Bad Listeners Theme Of The Month Roundup

| Not Always Right | Right | June 8, 2014

Bad Listeners Theme Of The Month Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

  1. Stop, Look, Don’t Listen (1,534 thumbs up)
  2. Good Thing Stupid Isn’t Contagious (1,283 thumbs up)
  3. A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic (1,240 thumbs up)
  4. All Fired Up And Fried Up (1,624 thumbs up)
  5. Mail Order Disorder (1,590 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Two Sides Of The Same Very Reasonable Coin

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | June 8, 2014

(Two different customers approach me at the same time to ask for help.)

Customers #1 & #2: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

(I soon realize that the customers have no relation to each other, as they ask me for help in two completely different departments.)

Me: “Hmm, how should I do this? Who do I help first?”

(Judging by their body language, neither customer wants to back down. So I reach into my pocket and pull out a coin.)

Me: “All right, we’ll do it this way. Heads or tails?”

Customer #1: “Heads!”

Customer #2: “Guess that makes me tails, then.”

(I flip the coin, and it lands tails.)

Customer #2: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go. And sir, I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done with her.”

Customer #1: “Fair enough.”

(I wish more customers were that easy to deal with!)

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The Warranty Comes Warranted, Part 2

, | AB, Canada | Right | June 8, 2014

(I’m selling a customer an iPad and introducing a new warranty which covers accidental damage, meaning you can replace your iPad for $50 rather than buying a whole new one. It’s a fantastic deal and, as the customer in question is buying the iPad for his eight-year-old daughter and wants the most expensive model, I am trying to convince him that the extra $99 for it is really worth it.)

Me: “Sir, just to check, you’re getting this for your daughter, you said?”

Customer: “Yeah. I mean, we’ll use it too, but it’s mostly for her.”

Me: “I see. In that case, you really want to consider getting the extra warranty.”

Customer: “But it comes with one that covers it for a year, right?”

Me: “Yes, but it doesn’t cover accidental damage. If she accidentally drops it and cracks the screen, it’ll cost full price to replace without the warranty. With the warranty, it’s only $50 to replace it.”

Customer: *considers it for a moment, then shakes his head* “Nah, we’ll be okay. I’ll tell her to be real careful.”

Me: *gesturing to a nearby table where we have iPads set up for kids to play with* “Sir, I’m sure your daughter is really careful with her toys, but iPads are really fragile and kids sometimes forget they’re not as hardy as their other things.”

(In perfect timing, a kid at the table then starts banging the iPad on the table hard. I grimace and the customer cringes slightly.)

Customer: “Err, no, no. It’s okay. We’ll be careful.”

(I get him to at least buy a screen cover and ring him up. He’s excited and happy at the end, so I figure everything’s all right and hopefully his daughter is as careful as he says she is. The next day, however, I see him come in with the iPad, case, and several small glass shards from the broken screen in a Ziploc bag. He sees me on his way to the tech counter and sheepishly holds up the bag.)

Customer: “I guess you were right. I’ll get the warranty this time…”

 

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