Fare The Horde

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Top, Transportation

(On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

(Fed up, I intervene.)

Me: “That’s you, bro.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

(I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

Me:Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

(Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”

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From Very Important To Very Impotent

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I am a customer in line at a convenience store. Customer #1, the lady in front of me in line, is complaining loudly about everything, from the slow service (which wasn’t slow at all) to the way the young clerk is dressed. Finally, Customer #2, the man in front of her, turns around.)

Customer #2: “I’m sorry if I’m being forward, ma’am, but, may I ask your name?”

Customer #1: *proudly states her name*

Customer #2: *relieved sigh* “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that, lady!”

Customer #1: “…What do you mean?”

Customer #2: “For a minute there, I thought you were someone who’s opinion mattered! Now I know you’re just a windbag I can safely ignore!”

(Customer #1 didn’t make a sound until she left!)

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Telling Creeps To Bite Me

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m standing in line at a coffee shop when I overhear this exchange between the barista and a creepy older customer who is obviously hitting on her.)

Barista: “What can I get you, sir?”

Creepy Customer: “…And why aren’t you on the menu, my dear? You look good.”

Barista: “Because, sir, that would be cannibalism. What type of coffee can I get you?”

(Dejected, the creepy customer orders a coffee and slinks out of line. Afterwards…)

Me: “That happen often?”

Barista: *smiles* “It’s his third attempt.”

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Answering Her Own Calling

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am an office manager for a window cleaning company. I schedule appointments for customers. When we perform a cleaning, the customer receives an invoice. This invoice has their name, address, and phone number on it, as well as the charges.)

Me: “Window cleaning, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to schedule an appointment. I’ve been trying to call you for over an hour and the phone is always busy. What have you been doing?”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. The phone shouldn’t be busy. We have several different lines all attached to our number so the answering machine or myself should have picked up.”

Caller: “Well, you didn’t, and I’m very upset. I’ve been a customer with you for years. My name is [name].”

(I pull up her file so I can see all her info, including her phone number.)

Me: “Okay. I am really sorry about that. Can I ask what number you dialed?”

Caller: *lists her phone number, not ours* “I’ve been calling it, and calling it. It’s on my invoice so it has to be the right phone number! When I kept getting the busy signal, I finally tried the number at the top of the invoice, under your company name!”

(Apparently, the customer was dialing her own phone number for over an hour and never realized it!)

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She Isn’t Playing Around

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I’m ringing out an elderly customer while a coworker of mine greets new customers entering the building. I’m conversing with my customer when I hear a new customer’s daughter, about 6 years old, speaking loudly to my coworker.)

Little Girl: “No! No more toys! I have enough toys as it is! They’re all over my room and my living room!”

(She starts to list the various types of toys she has. The list goes on for quite some time.)

Little Girl: “…And that’s why I don’t need any more toys!”

My Customer: “Wow, you don’t hear that all that often!”

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