A Compete Idiot

, | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: “Where do you keep [Competitor Store] branded beans, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. We don’t carry our competitors lines. We only stock our own branded goods.”

Customer: “That’s silly. You could make money selling other stores’ goods.”

Me: “That’s an interesting concept. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?”

Customer: “Well, it’s all the same stuff inside anyway. They just use their own brand labels.”

Me: “In that case, would you like to try our own brand beans?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I prefer [Competitor Brand] beans. They taste much nicer.”

Putting The Situation On To A Knife-Edge

| Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer at a party store, picking up a Halloween costume. The store sells not only costumes, but also toys, props, things for pranks, etc. As I’m getting ready to leave, a gruff-looking customer enters and marches up to the counter.)

Customer: *pulls out a gun and aims it at the cashier* “Give me all the money or I’ll blow your f****** head off!”

(Frightened, the cashier starts doing as told, while the other customers are shocked and unmoving. I recognize the gun as not real, but sadly the cashier does not. The customer isn’t paying attention to me. I sneak over to a shelf, pick up a certain item, and quietly remove it from its packaging while he keeps yelling. Eventually, I sneak up behind him.)

Customer: “Hurry the f*** up! I don’t have all f****** d—”

(I suddenly shove the stage knife I have unpackaged against his throat from behind.)

Me: “Drop the gun or I swear to god I will slit your throat right here and now!”

(Shaking, the man slowly puts the gun on the counter. I grab it with my free hand, just in case. The cashier calls the police, and when they arrive, she explains what happened to them. They arrest the man.)

Me: “Hey. Before you take him away can I show him something?”

Officer: “I don’t see why not.”

(I hold up the fake knife, turn it, and plunge it into my stomach. The fake blade retracts into the handle and does nothing to me. I show him the knife again, and his eyes widen.)

Me: *in a singsong tone* “Plastic!”

(The customer was taken away looking both embarrassed and ticked off. The cashier let me keep the fake knife and gave me a discount on the costume I had come in to purchase. All in all, a good day!)

Slow To Register, Part 2

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(We have a self checkout section. Sometimes one of the units won’t take money and will only accept cards. When it happens we put up a bright lime neon green sign stating that. A customer comes up to one of these units, then rips the sign off because it was blocking the slot to put his money in.)

Me: “Sir, the unit doesn’t take money.”

Customer: “Where does it say that?”

Me: “On the sign you just ripped down.”

Customer: “I didn’t read it.”

Me: “Clearly.”

(I have to take the cash and use the register at the podium because the customer has no other way of paying. I put the bright lime neon green sign back up and then put another over the main screen saying ‘Beep Boop Beep Beep Is Robot For “Does Not Take Cash.”’)

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Slow To Register