Best To Try To Rise Above It

, | Portland, ME, USA | Right | January 24, 2014

(I am in the middle of a health scare involving my lungs, and my doctor has told me not to use the stairs for more than one flight. I need to be on the fourth floor, so I am waiting for the elevator when a patron storms up to me.)

Patron: “Excuse me! I don’t know if you read the sign, but it clearly says that this elevator is for handicapped people. Not people who are just too lazy to use the stairs.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Patron: “You need to leave the elevator for the people who really need it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need the elevator.”

Patron: “That’s bulls***.”

Me: “Look, lady. One of my LUNGS is not functioning right now, and my doctor has told me that I’m not allowed to take the stairs.”

Patron: “Your doctor is too easy on you!”

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Artificial Unintelligence

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Right | January 24, 2014

(It’s near closing. A coworker and I are doing some paperwork when a client comes in.)

Client: “Do you use WordPress?”

Coworker: “No.”

Client: “Then what do you use?”

Me: “For what exactly?”

Client: “Web design.”

Me: “Well, sir, none of us here do any web design.”

Client: “Then what is the point of your job?”

Coworker: “We fix computers.”

Client: “Aw, man. Don’t you know you are gonna be replaced by robots?”

Me: “What?”

Client: “Yeah. They got these robots that look just like you or me. They can do everything. They even be secretaries. They can cross their legs and everything.”

(The client attempts to cross his legs while standing and nearly falls down.)

Me: “Sir, the robots currently available have very little AI and have mostly just mastered walking.”

Client: “Man, don’t you know… THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!”

Coworker: “When the robots break down, who will fix them?”

Client: “Well, people, I guess.”

Coworker: “That’s right! Adapt or die, baby!”

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No Vocation For Location, Part 9

| Folkestone, Kent, UK | Right | January 24, 2014

(I am serving two customer, who are talking amongst themselves.)

Customer #1: “You off on holiday then?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, off to France. Need to get my money!”

Customer #1: “What do they use in France anyways?”

Me: *having overheard* “They use the Euro over there, madam.”

Customer #1: “Nah, they don’t! France ain’t in Europe! It’s just across the Channel!”

(Folkestone is a port on the English Channel separating the UK and France, and is just 26 miles away from the French town of Calais!)

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 8
No Vocation For Location, Part 7
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

How To Make Your Cake Extra ‘Special’

| NC, USA | Right | January 24, 2014

(I am helping a customer place an order for two cakes.)

Me: “Okay, that’s about everything. Did you want anything written on the cakes?”

Customer: “I’m not sure.” *turns to his wife* “Honey, what should I have written on the cakes? How about ‘Pot’ on one and ‘Luck’ on the other since it’s a potluck?”

Customer’s Wife: “Are you asking if I think you should have ‘Pot’ written on a cake?”

Customer: “Good point. No, nothing written on them.”

Me: “Sounds like a good choice.”

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Customer Service(d)

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | January 24, 2014

(My sisters and I are out shopping and stop by a fast food restaurant for lunch. Both of my sisters still work there, and I have only recently quit to take another job. Several of our good friends work there as well. One such friend is on shift, greeting customers who come in and cleaning tables. When we enter, she comes over and gives us all hugs. Another customer has walked in right behind us, and sees our friend give us all hugs.)

Customer: “Do I get a hug too?”

(Without thinking, she hugs him. He just grins and walks off. We all stare at her in shock.)

Coworker: “I thought he was with you guys…”

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