Milking The Holidays For All Their Worth

| Kent, England, UK | Right | December 25, 2013

Customer: *looking at store times* “So you’re closed Christmas Day and Boxing Day?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “So your manager thinks it’s acceptable for you to close Christmas Day and Boxing Day? One day just isn’t enough for you greedy swines? What if I, say, need some milk?”

Me: “Don’t worry. I will leave my family and come serve you your milk.”

Customer: “So you should.”

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Gifted At Bad Gift Wrapping

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | December 25, 2013

Me: “Would you like me to gift wrap that for you?”

Customer: “Yes. But can you make it look a bit crap so my girlfriend thinks I did it?”

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Makes You Either Laugh Or Cry, I’m Telling You Why

, | UK | Right | December 25, 2013

(I am working on a till in the run-up to Christmas. I’m 20, but I look a bit younger. A customer and I have been chatting about her plans for the day ahead.)

Customer: “Do you work here full-time?”

Me: “No. I’m actually only on contract for eight hours per week, but I’m doing about thirty at the moment, with Christmas coming up.”

Customer: “Oh. I don’t know about all that. I say to my children, they’re about your age, I think you’re old enough to know by now—” *drops into a stage whisper* “—there’s no Father Christmas. Thank you. Have a nice day!”

(When the customer is gone, my supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “You look like you’re in shock. What happened?”

Me: “She told me Santa’s not real…”

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Wish They Would Make Like A Tree And Leave

| Mobile, AL, USA | Right | December 25, 2013

(A customer and his wife approach the service counter.)

Customer: “Hey. Can you get someone out to the Christmas trees? We want one cut.”

Me: “Sure! There actually should be someone out there, but he may have stepped inside or something. I’ll call him right up for you.”

Customer: “Well, he’s not out there!”

Me: “Okay. No problem. But I know they’re still closed out there. Do you want to go ahead and buy a tree, so you don’t have to come back in and buy it?”

Customer: “No! I just want a tree!”

Customer’s Wife: “Yes. Maybe about six feet.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “No. Just get someone out there to cut trees.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(As I call the manager who’s supposed to be cutting the trees, the customer walks away in a huff.)

Customer: *sarcastically* “Great customer service!”

(I talk to the manager on the phone and note that the customer’s wife is still there.)

Customer’s Wife: *to my coworker* “Can you call me a manager?”

Coworker: “Oh, of course.”

Customer’s Wife: “And YOU! That was very rude! I’ve worked years of retail, and I’ll have you know that rolling your eyes at a customer and back-talking is not acceptable!”

(I am stunned, but I know better than to argue with her.)

Me: “Apologies, then. I hadn’t realized I’d done either.”

Customer’s Wife: “Well, you’ve been very rude! This is not the attitude of someone working in retail!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I meant no offence.”

(At this point, the manager arrives.)

Manager: “Hello. What’s the problem?”

Customer’s Wife: “I have a complaint about this little girl!”

Manager: *incredulously* “[My Name]?”

Customer’s Wife: “Yes. She rolled her eyes at me! And said ‘yes, sir’ to my husband! And was just very flippant!”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I shall certainly do something to correct the problem. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer’s Wife: “Thank you!”

(The customer’s wife walks away in a huff. The manager shakes her head. The manager turns to me, and I explain what happened. My manager turns to my coworker for verification.)

Manager: “Was she rude or something?”

Coworker: “No! She was very nice and polite, as always.”

Manager: *to me* “Normally, if this was anyone else, I’d say something, but I can’t really get onto you for saying ‘sir.’ Maybe next time she comes in, we should be like, ‘b****, there’s your tree!'”

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Retired & Extremely Dangerous, Part 2

| Right | December 25, 2013

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