Riding In On Blazing Saddles

| Marlborough, MA, USA | Money, Movies & TV

(A man comes into my store looking a bit irate. He pulls out an unwrapped DVD case of Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part I.”)

Customer: “I’d like to return this and get my money back!”

Me: “Was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I opened it up and there was no disc inside!”

(I open the DVD case to indeed find no disc inside.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund your money. This is something you’d need to take up with the manufacturer. This does happen rarely, but I can help get the contact info for the manufacturer if you’d like.”

Customer: “What!? Are you serious!? I want to talk to a manager!”

(My manager comes over and explains the same thing to him, how it’s outside of our policy to refund an item if there is no item to refund. The customer finally accepts this, but is livid.)

Customer: “Fine! Well, do you have History of the World, Part II then?”

Me: “Um… sir, that movie doesn’t exist.”

Customer: “Yes it does! I saw it once!”

Manager: “No, sir. There is a fake trailer at the end of History of the World, Part I. The one with Hitler ice skating.”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! Where is it!?”

Manager: “Sir, like we already told you, it was fake. There is no History of the World, Part II.”

Customer: *storms out*

He Has Been Governated

| USA | School, Top

(We are having a political event at our school, and many politicians are attending, including the Governor of the state. There is a free lunch, but we get less than half the people we expect, so we start giving lunch to random people who happen to be walking by.)

Student: *cuts in line*

Man behind him: “Excuse me, you cut the line.”

Student: “Do you know who I am?”

(I don’t know who the student is, but I do know who the man behind him is, so I’m concealing my laughter.)

Man behind him: “No, but I’m not allowed to cut the line either and I doubt you’re allowed to.”

Student: “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

Man behind him: “The Governor. And you are?”

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The Sound Of One Idiot (And) Clapping

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

(The customer at the front of the queue is talking loudly on their phone, and ignores me when I ask what they want. I decide to ask the person behind them for their order.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I’m at the front. You serve me before him!”

Me: I’m very sorry, sir. You were on your phone. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Jesus! Stop interrupting me, can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” *continues conversation*

Customer #2: *quietly, to me* “Follow my lead.” *then, very clearly, at normal speaking volume* “Clap once if you can hear me.”

(Claps.)

Customer #2: “Clap twice if you can hear me.”

(Claps twice, with me and the person behind him joining in.)

Customer #2: “Clap three times if you can hear me.”

(Three claps, more of the queue and the people sat at a nearby table have joined in – most of the other people in the shop have stopped talking to see what the clapping is about.)

Customer #2: “Clap four times if you can hear me.”

(Most of the people in the shop clap along with him, with the person on the phone struggling to hear what’s being said by their friend.)

Customer #2: “Clap five times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone claps, and Customer #1 hangs up, looking angry.)

Customer #1: “How dare you interr—”

Customer #2: “Clap six times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone, except the now fuming phone guy, claps.)

Customer #2: “Oh, good. You seem to have finished your call. Why don’t you place your order now?”

(Customer #1 stutters for a few seconds, then storms out, mashing at his phone.)

Customer #2: “Oh, well. That was fun.”

(He got his drink for free, and now we always use that to shut up customers on their phones!)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? I’d like a $20 iTunes card, but there are none here.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Unfortunately we haven’t received that shipment yet. But we do have the $10 cards.”

Customer: *frustrated* “But I want a $20 card.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you could always buy two $10 cards instead.”

Customer: *yelling* “That doesn’t equal 20 dollars!” *storms out of the store*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

Their Purchasing Power Has Gone Up In Smoke

| Emporia, KS, USA | Top, Underaged

(I work in a convenience store across the street from a university. A car load of four kids pull up to the store.)

Customer #1: “I want a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer #1: *angry* “I’m 18, I don’t need to show you my f***ing ID.”

Me: “Sir, if you don’t obviously look old enough, I have to ask.”

Customer #1: “I don’t have my ID!”

Customer #2: “It’s okay, dude. I’ll buy them for you.”

Me: “No, you won’t, sir. Since I know you are buying for him, and he doesn’t have ID, I can’t sell to you.”

Customer #2: “Bulls***! Give me the f***ing smokes!”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer #3: “Fine, I have my ID. I’ll buy for everyone.”

Me: “Now I can’t sell to you, sir.”

(An argument ensues at which point, I keep telling them that if I know that I am selling to someone who is buying for a person who doesn’t have his ID, I cannot by law sell them cigarettes. Finally all four leave, get into their car and move their car to the parking place on the side of the building. The fourth customer gets out, comes up to the counter and asks for four packs of cigarettes. Now, I know he is buying for his friends, but if he doesn’t admit this, I can sell him the smokes without any problems.)

Me: “Are you buying for the customers that were just in here?”

Customer #4: “Yes.”

Me: “I can’t sell to you either. Have a good night.”

(About an hour later, the police show up at the store. They inform me that they received an anonymous call claiming I was handing out baggies of white powder.)

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