From Mumble To Stumble To Rumble To Humble

| USA | Right | June 15, 2014

(I have an inner ear condition and am hearing impaired but not really to the degree that I need a hearing aid. An older woman approaches my line.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: *mumbles while looking at the floor*

Me: “Um… I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Customer: *sighs and looks to the right, still away from me, mumbling again*

Me: “Ah, okay.”

(I ring up her items and tell her the total. She holds up three different cards and mumbles again, but I can read her lips to understand, ‘not enough.’)

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. Did you say you want to use all three cards?”

(She nods and rolls her eyes, then swipes the first card.)

Me: “All right, and how much did you want on that one?”

Customer: *mumbles into the card reader*

Me: “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

(She mumbles once more, but since this is the third time I asked her to repeat herself and I’m feeling embarrassed, I just let the transaction run through as if she was using one card because I have no idea how much she wanted on there. The card is, of course, declined and she shouts wordlessly.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you swipe it again, please? And I’m sorry, but how much did you say you wanted on that card?”

(AGAIN she mumbles, with her head bowed so low I can’t even see her lips to try to read them. By that point, I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I really need you to speak up, please. I’m hearing impaired and you’re speaking rather softly. I can’t hear you at all.”

Customer: “You lying b****!”

Me: *taken aback* “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “Lying about being deaf is no excuse for your irresponsibility! You’re young! You’re not deaf. If you were, you’d have an earpiece in! You just listen to your music too loud; all you kids do. Keep that up, and you WILL be deaf before long!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have [inner ear condition]. I have constant, loud ringing in my ears. Several times per day I lose all hearing in one or both of my ears for anywhere between three seconds to three hours. You’re right; I’m most likely going to completely lose my hearing before I’m 40 because there’s no cure or real treatment for it beyond surgery that might not even work. So please, while I still can hear you at all, could you speak up just a little?”

(The customer stares at me, red-faced and silent, for a few moments. Finally she swipes the card again and then looks at me.)

Customer: *loudly* “I’d like $10 on this card, please.”

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Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy, Part 2

, | Williamston, MI, USA | Right | June 14, 2014

(I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant. It’s a little past six am, and we have just opened, when the phone rings.)

Me: “This is [Store]. How may I help you?”

(The caller sounds like a teenage girl.)

Caller: “Hi! Um… so… I was wondering… Do you have any pop without fizz?”

Me: “Well, we have Orange HiC, Frutopia, and Powerade. Those are all of the fountain drinks that don’t have fizz.”

Caller: “But don’t you have any POP without fizz?”

Me: “No ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Caller: “Well, couldn’t you just… take the fizz out?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t really have a way of doing that. It comes out of the fountain that way.”

Caller: “But, aren’t the syrup and the fizz separate? Couldn’t you make it come out without the fizz?”

Me: “I don’t believe so.”

Caller: “Well, couldn’t you try?”

Me: “I don’t think so. I’d be messing with a lot of equipment that I’m not really qualified to operate, and I wouldn’t want to break anything.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, that’s very disappointing.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Yes! Can I get a burger?”

Me: “Yes, if you come into the store and order one.”

Caller: “Oh. I could come in right now and get one? It isn’t breakfast or something?”

Me: “Well, yes, we do serve breakfast until 11 am. I just meant that I can’t take your order or give you food over the phone; if you want to order food, you’d need to come up to the store and order it in person.”

Caller: “But you’re on breakfast until 11 am?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh. Well… thanks… I guess…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “No, I guess not.”

Me: “All right! Thank you for calling. Have a great day!”

Caller: “Bye!”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Coworker: “What the heck was that about?”

Me: “Either that was one of the most entertaining prank calls I’ve ever gotten, or… Well, I don’t want to think about it if she was actually serious!”

 

Marrying Together Archaic Ideas

| Australia | Right | June 14, 2014

(I have a long-time repeat client, old but quite nice. As I am finishing up going through the paperwork and vouchers for his identical biannual holiday with his wife, I inform him I won’t be able to assist with his next trip as I’d be on maternity leave but I’ll pass his file over to my manager and she’ll be quite happy to assist.)

Client: *blank look* “But you’re not… married.”

Me: “Well… no…?”

Client: “How can you be going on maternity leave, then?”

Me: “Because I’m having a baby?”

Client: But you’re not MARRIED?!”

Me: “Uh, I know, but I appear to be pregnant and as I am having a child I need maternity leave…”

Client: “BUT. YOU’RE. NOT. MARRIED. How can you be PREGNANT?”

(Every week for the next seven months he came into my office, sat in front of me, and implored me to go and get married, to anyone – maybe that man over there? – because I needed to be married to have a child. Well, I have a child and I’m still not married. Occasionally he goes back into my old store and asks if I’m married yet.)

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If A Telemarketer Calls…

| Right | June 13, 2014

funny-telemarketer-call-annoying

Homo-Sapien Customers

| Right | June 13, 2014

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