The Custo-Me Is Always Right

| NY, USA | Technology

(Our store has recently put in a computerized ticketing system that shows us the numbers customers have taken. It also allows customers to place an order at a kiosk and pick it up later. The only difference to a customer coming up to the counter is the placement of the tickets, and that they now have to press a button instead of pushing a lever.)

Customer: “Why did you have to change the ticket system? It was fine the way it was!”

Coworker: “I don’t know, ma’am. They don’t tell us.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, they shouldn’t fix what isn’t broken.”

Coworker: “They just wanted the new technology, I think, so people can place orders at the kiosk now.”

Customer: “But if we want things a specific way, the kiosk is useless!”

Me: “That’s true. However, some customers like the convenience of it, especially for short trips to the store.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t use it, so it’s useless!”

Dog As I Say, Not As I Dog

| North Carolina, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(Note: our hot dogs come with chili and coleslaw on them, and customers frequently ask for them without one or the other.)

Customer: “I’ll have a hot dog with cheddar cheese and no meat.”

Me: “Sure. Do you still want the coleslaw?”

Customer: “Yes, and be sure to toast the bun.”

(I put her order in, and return a short time later with a hot dog in a toasted bun with cheese and coleslaw.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I asked for no meat. This has meat on it.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you meant you didn’t want the chili. Could you explain to me what it is you’d like?”

Customer: “Well, I said no meat! Take the hot dog out!”

Me: “Okay, so just to be clear: you want a toasted hot dog bun with cheese and coleslaw… but no hot dog?”

Customer: “Yes! Is that so hard?”

Me: “I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Would you like me to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich with coleslaw in it? It would be less expensive.”

Customer: “I specifically asked for a hot dog. A grilled cheese is not a hot dog!”

Pint-Sized Profanity Patrol

| Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(Two younger teens are hanging out near the specialty store where I work.)

Young Teen #1: “Aw man, these pants are f***ing sweet!”

Young Teen #2: “S***, I know! I love this f***ing store!”

(The swearing and vulgar language keeps up for a while as families enter the store. A lady walks in with her young boy who can’t be older than three or four. He stands near the young teens and listens to their foul language for a while. Suddenly, he marches up to them with his hands in his little pockets, unimpressed.)

Little Boy: “HEY! I’m here! I can hear you! Don’t talk like that!”

Young Teens: *look dumbfounded and leave the store*

High On Life

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m a waitress at a popular franchise, and we are unexpectedly busy for a Monday night. I’m serving an elderly couple their drinks.)

Me: “Here you go: I have an iced tea and a water!”

Old Man: “Oh, I know you! We had you last time.”

(The couple is an older couple, maybe in their sixties or seventies. I don’t recognize them, but I’ve been working at this location for a couple of years, so I’ve met an awful lot of people.)

Me: “Oh, you did? Well, it’s great to see you back, then!”

Old Man: “Yes, I recognize you, because there aren’t a lot of people that cheerful.”

Me: *grins* “Yeah, I’m usually pretty happy.”

Old Man: “That, or you’re on some seriously good s***!”

Me: *busts out laughing*

Every Cloud Has A Savior Lining

| Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

(I am a short, 100 pound fifteen-year-old girl, and a lot of people try to intimidate me. I work in a fairly large bakery, with plenty of seats that are blocked off from the cashier.)

Customer #1: “Hi, can I get a brownie please?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I notice there is one, broken brownie left.)

Me: “If you like, ma’am, you can wait just one minute and there will be a fresh, unbroken one for you.”

Customer #1: “DON’T F***ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE, YOU LAZY B****! GET ME A F***ING BROWNIE!”

Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll get that right away.”

Customer #1: *suddenly nice and sweet* “Thank you, honey!”

Me: “Here you go!”

(Customer #1 takes one look at it and goes berserk.)

Customer #1: “THIS IS F***ING BROKEN! I AM NOT EATING THIS S***!”

(Suddenly, she launches herself at me and grabs me by the hair. I have very long, very sensitive hair, so she has no trouble dragging me over the counter and onto the ground. She starts kicking me and screaming. Two customers rush to my rescue, restraining her and helping me off the ground.)

Customer #2: “Are you alright?”

Me: *shaking like a leaf* “I think so.”

(Customer #1 suddenly breaks free and rushes at me. I shriek rather loudly, but Customer #2 heroically jumps in front of her, effectively shielding me. The mall security has by now subdued her, but I still burst into tears. However, everything ended well: afterwards, Customer #2 bought me a coffee, and we have been dating for the past few months!)

Related:
Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining

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