Wouldn’t Want To Be In Their Shoes

| Stockholm, Sweden | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work for the post office at their retail support. We take calls from our retail stores. Outside of every store there are postboxes. They are locked with a special key that only post office employees have. It’s a Saturday afternoon.)

Me: “Welcome to retail support. You are talking to [My Name]. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi. It is [Name] from [Retail Store]. There are two guys here and they have a question. You see, they were fighting outside and one of them got so angry that he took the other person’s shoes and put them in the postbox. So, they wonder what we can do?”

Me: “Excuse me… Did you just say someone put another person’s shoes in the postbox?”

Caller: “Yeah, I know. I can’t stop laughing. One of the guys’ dads is here and wonders if there is anything we can do?”

Me: “Yeah. I can send someone out to your store to open the postbox for them. But, since the customer himself has put something in the box that shouldn’t be there, they will be charged. Else they will have to wait till next time the box will be emptied.”

Caller: “Okay. Wait a second.”

(The employee gives the information to the customer and comes back to me.)

Caller: “They say they will wait until Monday for it to get opened. Thank you for your help. Bye!”

Me: *feeling confused* “Bye…”

Coworker: “Did I just hear what I thought I heard?”

Me: “Yep…”

Didn’t See The Kicker

| Pensacola, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

(My girlfriend is a cashier, and I am a customer in her line. There’s a customer in front of me, giving her a hard time. He writes a check and hands it to her.)

Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but our system has declined your check.”

Customer: “What? I’m a millionaire! That’s not possible!”

Girlfriend: “Well, actually, I think it’s because the license and check are from different states. It’s to prevent identity theft.”

Customer: “Well, thank you for nothing, worthless b****! I know you did this on purpose!”

Girlfriend: “Sir, I can assure you I didn’t. Now. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “No! You d*** b****! You’re just being totally worthless! Why don’t we take this out to the parking lot?”

Me: “Oh, can I film that?”

Girlfriend: *smiling* “Absolutely.”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Me: “Oh, didn’t you know? She’s a championship kickboxer. I just want to film her kicking your a**.”

(The customer huffs and stomps away.)

Girlfriend: “Aw, why did you scare him off? I was looking forward to that.”

Credited Childsplay

| USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work for a service that answers phones for TV commercials. One commercial in particular is giving us all fits! It is for a cup that freezes sweet liquids into slush-ice. The kids have been calling in, in DROVES, trying to get one. The offer is to be paid with a credit card and you have to be 18 or over to get it. This caller sounds like a five year old.)

Me: “Thank you for calling for [Cup Product]! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I wanna [Cup Product] thing.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a credit card?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s 123456789.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not a card number. How old are you?”

Caller: “Uh… I’m a hundred.”

Me: “Ma’am, please get your mommy to come to the phone. If you want a [Cup Product], you have to have an adult with a credit card.”

Caller: *getting crafty* “Uh, well, I already ordered it an’ used my Mommy’s—uh, my card. So, you can send it. Okay?”

Me: “Now look, honey… You need to have an ADULT come to the phone. Go get someone older.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(There is the sound of the receiver being put down, then instantly picked up again. I hear the same voice, now pitched much lower.)

Caller: “Hello? This is my Daddy. Please send me the [Cup Product] thingy, please!”