Technically, He Set It To Vibrate

| New York, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers enter the electronics department.)

Me: “Can I help you two with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

Customer’s Friend: “No, you dropped it in the sink.”

Me: “Well, did you try putting it in a bag of rice?”

Customer: “No, I put it in the microwave.”

Me: “Sir, you aren’t supposed to put electronic devices in the microwave.”

Customer: “I realize that now…it exploded after ten seconds in the thing!”

There’s No Amounting For Taste

| Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

(I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

(I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

(I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

Priciness Is No Object

| Carmarthen, Wales, UK | Money

(One day, a well-dressed customer walks into the store. She asks me for a pair of boots for a well known hiking area.)

Me: “Well, these boots are light and flexible. They’re made with gore-tex to enable your feet to breathe.”

Customer: “How much do they cost?”

Me: “They are [price].”

Customer: “Do you have anything more expensive?”

Me: *shows her another pair* “Well, these are our most expensive pair at [price].”

Customer: “They’re not expensive enough! My friend’s pair cost MUCH more than that, and I MUST have a pair more expensive than her!” *turns and storms out the door*

Butting In

| Ridgewood, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

(My job involves calling people to set up demos. During one such phone call, the following occurs.)

Me: “Hello, is [name] there?”

Customer: “No, she’s not at home right now. This is her husband.”

Me: “Okay, is there a better time for me to reach her?”

(Suddenly, I hear someone pick up the phone. It’s a child’s voice, and very audible.)

Young Voice:Hello?

Customer: *ignores her* “Well, what are you calling in reference to?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “I’m friends with [friend], and she said your wife might be nice enough to help me out with something.”

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: *to his kid* “One second, sweetie.” *to me* “You know, why don’t I take a message?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “Yeah, that works, too.”

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: “Okay, what’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [name].”

Young Voice:Dad? Can you come upstairs, please?

Customer: *to his kid* “Just give me a minute!” *to me* “And how do you spell that?”

Me: *I spell it out*

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: “And your phone number?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “It’s [area code]—”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: *says the next three digits*

Young Voice:DAD? DAAAAAD?

Customer: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Me: *repeats the next three digits*

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *says the next four digits*

Young Voice:DAD!

Customer: “Just a minute, please!” *to me* “Could you repeat that again?”

Me: *repeats the next four digits*

Customer: “Okay, so that’s [name] at [phone number]. I’ll make sure she gets that. Thanks.”

Young Voice:DAD, I NEED YOU TO COME UPSTAIRS AND WIPE MY BUTT!

Customer: *click*

Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

| Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

Me: “This? No, not really—”

Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

(I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

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