There’s No Amounting For Taste

| Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

(I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

(I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

(I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

Priciness Is No Object

| Carmarthen, Wales, UK | Money

(One day, a well-dressed customer walks into the store. She asks me for a pair of boots for a well known hiking area.)

Me: “Well, these boots are light and flexible. They’re made with gore-tex to enable your feet to breathe.”

Customer: “How much do they cost?”

Me: “They are [price].”

Customer: “Do you have anything more expensive?”

Me: *shows her another pair* “Well, these are our most expensive pair at [price].”

Customer: “They’re not expensive enough! My friend’s pair cost MUCH more than that, and I MUST have a pair more expensive than her!” *turns and storms out the door*

Butting In

| Ridgewood, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

(My job involves calling people to set up demos. During one such phone call, the following occurs.)

Me: “Hello, is [name] there?”

Customer: “No, she’s not at home right now. This is her husband.”

Me: “Okay, is there a better time for me to reach her?”

(Suddenly, I hear someone pick up the phone. It’s a child’s voice, and very audible.)

Young Voice:Hello?

Customer: *ignores her* “Well, what are you calling in reference to?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “I’m friends with [friend], and she said your wife might be nice enough to help me out with something.”

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: *to his kid* “One second, sweetie.” *to me* “You know, why don’t I take a message?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “Yeah, that works, too.”

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: “Okay, what’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [name].”

Young Voice:Dad? Can you come upstairs, please?

Customer: *to his kid* “Just give me a minute!” *to me* “And how do you spell that?”

Me: *I spell it out*

Young Voice:Dad?

Customer: “And your phone number?”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: “It’s [area code]—”

Young Voice:Dad?

Me: *says the next three digits*

Young Voice:DAD? DAAAAAD?

Customer: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Me: *repeats the next three digits*

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *says the next four digits*

Young Voice:DAD!

Customer: “Just a minute, please!” *to me* “Could you repeat that again?”

Me: *repeats the next four digits*

Customer: “Okay, so that’s [name] at [phone number]. I’ll make sure she gets that. Thanks.”

Young Voice:DAD, I NEED YOU TO COME UPSTAIRS AND WIPE MY BUTT!

Customer: *click*

Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

| Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

Me: “This? No, not really—”

Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

(I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

This Apple Falls Far From The IP

| Manchester, UK | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

(I have been trying to help a caller connect her new router up to accept all the wireless devices in her house, as she’s recently changed her internet supplier to us. It’s been almost 40 minutes and not going well, until this happens.)

Caller: “Well, you’re obviously not getting this! I’ll let my son explain because he’s been working on this for hours.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, no problem.”

(The caller’s son gets on the phone.)

Caller’s Son: “Right…what’s happening is that my DS isn’t connecting due to our wireless having too high security, so I’ve been trying to drop it from whatever WPA it’s on down to WEP. However, to do this I need to log into the router settings using my IP address. I used the static IP address, but to actually log in I need a username and password. I checked on the internet and it says to use admin and password, but whenever I tried it just cleared both fields.”

Me: *slightly stunned* “Uh, well, what you could try is the router password that’s specific to you. It should be on the help sheet that came with the router itself.”

(Around twenty seconds later…)

Caller’s Son: “Ah, thanks very much. Cheers!

Me: “No problem. If you have any other queries, feel free to call us again.”

Caller’s Son: *hangs up*

Me: *to coworker* “I f***ing love tech savvy kids.”

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