The Customer Is Not Always Related

| Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

(My boyfriend and I are picking up some groceries for his apartment. We see one of his friends and he decides to stop and chat. We stand there talking for about fifteen minutes and by this time I am hungry. To signal him that I want to leave, I put my hand in his back pocket.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed.”

(My boyfriend and I turn to see an older woman scowling at us.)

Boyfriend: “All she did was put her hand in my pocket so I would shut up so that we can leave.”

Customer: “She’s your sister, and you should be ashamed!”

Me: “He’s not my brother; he’s my boyfriend.”

Customer: “Don’t lie! I can see the resemblance! You shouldn’t grab your brother that way! It’s disgusting!”

Boyfriend: “Look, lady, we are not related. Go bother someone else with your crazy.”

Customer: “I am not crazy!”

(The customer approaches my boyfriend’s friend.)

Customer: “They’re siblings, aren’t they!?”

Boyfriend’s Friend: “If that’s true, it’s news to me and I’ve known [boyfriend] for quite a long time. As far as I know, he only has one sister and she is much younger.”

Customer: “LIES! YOU’RE ALL LIARS!” *runs off*

Way Out Of Line

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a high end clothing store that’s having a massive sale. Even with all five checkouts open, the line of customers is still nearly 30 people long. I’m working on restocking some shirts when I see a pair of young girl customers cut to the front of the line directly in front of another customer.)

Customer: “Ladies, I’m sorry, but there is a line.”

Girl #1: “Man, why do you care if we cut? It’s just one purchase; you can stand to wait a few more minutes.”

Customer: “That wouldn’t be fair to the people behind me. Please go to the back of the line.”

Girl #2: “F*** you! You little punk-a**! If my girl wants to cut in front of you, then you can’t stop her.”

(Sighing, the customer calls to one of my coworkers.)

Customer: “Can you please escort these ladies to the back of the line?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ladies, but you do have to move to the back, and I’m going to have to ask you to tone down your language.”

Girl #1: “Man, f*** this! This b****-a** just don’t want to help me.”

(Both of them turn back to the customer.)

Girl #1: “This is all your fault you gay mother-f*****!”

(At this, both girls swing at the customer, punching him in the face and neck.)

Customer: *wincing* “Well, that would probably count as battery, and maybe even assault. Are there any more crimes you want to commit before you get kicked out?”

Girl #2: “Oh, big f****** man, hiding behind some b****-a** cops because you’re scared to fight.”

(Girl #2 punches the customer in the face again, only to be sent flying about five feet from a single palm thrust to the stomach from the man. The two girls end up calling the police to report the customer for attacking them. Unfortunately for them, our store cameras are quite good, and pick up the entire preceding conversation and their initial assault. The police officer even offers to arrest the girls for attacking the customer. Luckily for them, he decides it is too much trouble dealing with them.)

Acting Irregular

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m working at a popular coffee store, and it is my second week on the job. A regular comes in during the morning rush.)

Me: “Hey, good to see you! What can I get for you?”

(The customer gives me a very dirty look.)

Me: “Um… can I get a drink started for you?”

Customer: “You don’t remember my drink?”

Me: “…what?”

Customer: “You don’t remember my drink? I come in here everyday! You should remember my drink!”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry that I forgot. Silly me! It’s just that I get an awful lot of customers in here, and I’ve been working since 4 am, so I’m just so forgetful. But if you can just remind me, I’ll have that drink right out for you.”

(The customer turns bright red, orders his drink, pays, and leaves the register. The next day I’m working again, and he comes in right on schedule.)

Me: “Ah, hello! The caramel latte with light foam, yes? I’ve written it up, and they’ll make it for you soon. That’ll be [price].”

(The customer silently pays for his drink, and puts a $5 bill in the tip jar.)