Teach Them The Ways Of The Dark-Ale Side

| England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I’m picking up my daughter from nursery, and overhear a conversation with one of the other parents and a member of staff.)

Parent: “Tell her what mommy is going to do tonight.”

Two-Year-Old: “Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!”

Staff: “Err…”

Parent: “Isn’t it funny!?”

The Dumbest Of The Animals

| UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work in a gift shop in a zoo. We have a drive-around area, and all guests are given a map on the way in.)

Guest: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help.”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Guest: *pointing to the map* “Is this bit all in your car?”

Me: “Yup, you have to drive round that bit and stay in your vehicle.”

Guest: “So this bit is on foot?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: “Do you have to stick to the path or can you walk anywhere in this bit?”

Me: “I wouldn’t advise it, as the polar bears have access to all this area, and the tigers have access to all that area.”

Guest: “Oh… that was a really stupid question wasn’t it?”

Scaring Is Caring

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

Girl: “I’m scared!”

Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

Girl: “You!”

Me: “Me?”

(Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

Girl: “Okay.”

(I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

(She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)