In Need Of A Worldly EdUKation

| Yellowstone, WY, USA | Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I’m English, and work at Yellowstone Park selling ice cream as a summer work experience abroad. Often, my accent catches people off guard, and I usually have to explain why I’m there. A customer comes up to pay.)

Me: “Okay, that will be $2.95, please.”

Customer: “Hey, where’s your accent from? Are you Australian?”

Me: “Actually, I’m from England. I’m just working her for my summer between University.”

Customer: “That’s cool! How long have you been in America?”

Me: “Um, about two months.”

Customer: “And is this your first time in America?”

Me: “It is. I’m loving it!”

Customer: “Wow! You speak really good English for only being here for two months!”

At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

| Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

(A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

(At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Who Needs Enemies When You’ve Got Bricks

| New Hampshire, USA | Money, Top

(Note: our store sells kitchen supplies, including a very popular brand of glass cookware made in USA. Usually the covers are sold separately from the actual cooking dishes, but we are having a special on display where you get a set of two dishes and their covers for 20 dollars. Not long after we open up for the day, two elderly customers walk in and look at the display.)

Customer: “Where is this made?”

Me: “In the United States, ma’am.”

Customer: “$3.99, huh? I’ll take this set. Can you carry it to the register for me?”

Me: “Actually, that set is $20. If you still want it, I would be happy to carry it to he register for you.”

Customer: “No! The sticker says it’s $3.99!”

Me: “That’s how much the lid costs on its own. If you turn the dish over, you will see it also has its own tag, as does the smaller dish nested inside it.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How am I supposed to now how much this set costs?!”

(There is a bright red sign that says the price of the set sitting on the table. It’s literally right in front of her face)

Me: “It’s on the sign right there, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t look at signs! I look at the product! This is false advertising! It’s fraud! You are a liar!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not—”

Customer: “My friend bought this set for $3.99 yesterday. You don’t know that you’re talking about!”

Me: “Ma’am, this set has never been, nor will it ever be $3.99. If your friend did receive it for $3.99, she was grossly undercharged by one of my coworkers.”

Customer: “If it doesn’t cost $3.99, then the sticker shouldn’t be on there. You should take all the stickers off! No one looks at the stupid signs. They look at the product!”

(The customer storms out of the store, almost knocking over a display of plastic floral dishes. I can see her outside the store windows ranting to a a group of younger people that I assume are her grandchildren. Meanwhile, her friend is still in the store. She picks up a mixing bowl set and brings it to the register.)

Customer’s Friend: *smiling* “Don’t mind her, dear. She’s always been as dumb as a f***ing brick.”

(I was speechless and she left the store before I could respond. She’s my new hero!)

Summertime Customer Comic Roundup

Not Always Right Extras | Roundups

Summer’s here and if you’re lucky, you may have some extra time on your hands!

Check out what some of our creative, talented readers drew up in their spare time for our Extras section:

Sh*t Customers Say
(40 thumbs up)
Different Faces of Customers
(31 thumbs up)
That’s (not) racist.
(86 thumbs up)
Awesome Boss
(137 thumbs up)

Do you like to draw? Got a funny story? Create a funny comic and share it with us!

Technically, He Set It To Vibrate

| New York, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers enter the electronics department.)

Me: “Can I help you two with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

Customer’s Friend: “No, you dropped it in the sink.”

Me: “Well, did you try putting it in a bag of rice?”

Customer: “No, I put it in the microwave.”

Me: “Sir, you aren’t supposed to put electronic devices in the microwave.”

Customer: “I realize that now…it exploded after ten seconds in the thing!”

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