Currently Cannot See Currency

| ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

(A customer comes to my till to pay for a fax.)

Customer: “I hate this country!”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “How much for my fax?”

Me: “It comes to $1.68.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I don’t have enough Canadian money left to pay for it. All I have is my American money.”

Me: “That’s okay, we accept American bills.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands me an American 5 dollar bill, and I give him his change is Canadian coins.)

Customer: “What’s this!?”

Me: “Your change.”

Customer: “But it’s Canadian!”

Me: “Yes, we are in Canada, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you American money!”

Me: “Yes, but I have to give you Canadian money back.”

Customer: “But if I pay you in American, you have to give me American back!”

Me: “No, we don’t have American money.”

Customer: “Why not!?”

Me: “Because we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “Well how do I know you’re not screwing me for the exchange!?”

Me: “The till calculates it for me.”

Customer: “Well what am I supposed to do with this stupid Canadian money?”

Me: “You could buy things with it, or you could exchange it at the bank.”

Customer: “I hate this stupid country! Why would you give me Canadian change!?”

Me: “Like I said. Because we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “But I paid with American money! How can you accept it but not give it back!?”

Me: “We accept it for the convenience of customers. If that’s all they have, then they can still pay for their items. But we don’t stock American money in our tills to give back to them.”

Customer: “Why not!?”

Me: *pause* “Because… we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this stupid country!”

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A Sad Sign Of The Times

| SK, Canada | Money, Top, Transportation

(At the gas station where I work, all electronic payment methods are currently offline. To combat this, we have numerous 8×11 signs that say “DEBIT AND CREDIT DOWN! CASH ONLY PLEASE!” A customer comes in to pay for gas and pulls out his credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, that card isn’t going to work. Our debit and credit systems are down.”

Customer: “Well why aren’t there any signs telling me this?”

Me: “There are three signs on every gas pump, including the one you were on. There are four on the door you opened to get in here. There are two on the counter that you currently have your hands on, and there are four more on the glass window I’m currently talking to you through.”

(The customer goes silent, realizing that he’s just missed seeing 13 signs. This happens five more times in the next 20 minutes with other customers, so I’m forced to resort to going on the intercom with every gas customer after that. Before allowing them to get fuel, I ask if they are paying with cash, with an alarming number of people all saying ‘No’, with one notable exception.)

Me: *over the intercom* “Pump number 4, are you paying with cash?”

Customer: “Yes, I can read the signs all over the pumps.” *laughs*

Me: “Ha ha, nice! Apparently most people can’t. ”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I’ve worked with the public before. I get scared sharing the road with these people!”

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The Great Will Of China

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(A customer tries on a pair of shoes. As she is about to pay, she asks about getting a tax refund.)

Customer: “Can I get duty free for this?”

Me: “No, you cant get duty free for these because you have to spend over $300 and these are only $149.”

Customer: “So, I can get duty free?”

Me: “No, sorry, these are only $149. You need to spend over $300 to be able to claim your tax at the airport.”

Customer: “So, I can only wear these in Australia? I can’t wear these in China?”

Me: “Yes, you can wear these in China, but you wont be able to claim your tax back because they are not over $300.”

Customer: “So, I can’t take these to China?”

Other staff: “Yes you can wear them in China, but they’re not duty free.”

Customer: “So, I can wear them in Australia, and to the airport, but not in China?”

Me: “No, you can wear them anywhere.”

Customer: “How much tax can I get back?”

Other staff: “You can get 10% tax back but you cant get it for these ones because it is less than $300.”

Customer: “So, I can wear them to China?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Okay!”

No Escape From Stupid Moments

| UK | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the shop at the entrance/exit to the attraction.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where are the nearest toilets?”

Me: “Your best bet is to go back through then they’re in the cafe next door.”

Customer: “Back inside the park?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll let you back through.”

Customer: “But then we won’t be able to get back out again, will we?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “If we go back through we won’t be able to get back out of the park again.”

Me: *trying not to smile* “I assure you, you will.”

Customer: “Wait, that was really stupid wasn’t it?”

Ice Cream Is The Back Up Plan

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top, Transportation

(I work at a charity run property. My job is to greet visitors and, occasionally, help out other departments. Today is unbelievably busy so I’ve been asked to help the car park team. It’s the hottest day of the year.)

Visitor: *pulls up* “Where to?”

Me: *points to a free space* “Just over there, please.”

(The lady drives in that direction, and I look around for a free space for the next car. When I turn around I see that she’s parked in the middle of the exit lane, effectively blocking in everybody else.)

Me: “Excuse me, Miss? You’re blocking the way there. Can you move your car to that space?”

Visitor: “I’m not in the way! My son’s got short legs! We need to park here to be closer to the path.”

Me: “No, please move your car. See…” *points to the lanes we’ve made between cars* “…they all lead here, and you’re blocking the exit.”

Visitor: “Then make a new exit! I’m not moving!”

(By now there’s a line of cars waiting to be directed, and I’m getting flustered.)

Me: “If you’d please just—”

Visitor #2: “Don’t bother kid, she’s not listening. Hey lady! Move your car or we can’t get through!”

(Visitor #1 goes red and moves her car to the space I’d pointed out. A few minutes after I park him, Visitor #2 comes over with an ice cream.)

Visitor #2: “Because ice cream makes everything better!”

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