Networking Notworking

| Stockholm, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working as a shift leader in tech support for a global Swedish telephone company. I usually take phone calls from the agents where the customer is rather upset. I get called to an agent, where the customer is furious and yelling at him. I take over the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is the managing shift leader; I hear you have a complaint. May I ask what this is about?”

Customer: “Yes! I called you guys yesterday about not getting network connection in my office, and nothing has happened yet! Do you have any idea how much money I am costing the company, unable to work?”

Me: “Okay, I understand; just give me a minute to check the logged issue.”

(I read the ticket and get suspicious immediately, because information about basic troubleshooting is missing.)

Me: “Sir? When you reported this, did the agent ask you to try another outlet?”

Customer: “Yes! It wasn’t working with that one either! Send me an onsite technician right NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but I believe there has been a misunderstanding here of the real root cause. May I please ask of you to just troubleshoot one more thing before I can escalate?”

Customer: “H*** no! I spent over 30 minutes on the phone last time and that didn’t do s***! Do you have any idea how much money I make? I could have 20 of your so-called onsite techs following me constantly and it wouldn’t even show on my salary! I demand a priority top issue on this matter, right now!”

Me: “Well sir, I am sorry to say that it is not allowed for a single user issue, no matter how much money you make. I am fairly certain the issue does not lie with the outlet, but in fact with your network card. So sending someone to ‘fix’ the outlet isn’t going to solve the issue. If you on the other hand, let me verify my suspicions, then this can be sorted out in a matter of minutes instead of days.”

Customer: “D*** it! You are all worthless pieces of s***! Fine, what do you want me to do?”

Me: “Just press the start button. In the run field you enter ‘cmd.’ Is there a black screen there now? Good. Please type ‘ping 127.0.0.1.’ What does it say?”

Customer: “‘Request timed out.’ What does that mean?”

Me: “It’s as I suspected. Your network card is broken. So instead of waiting for an onsite technician, how about I refer this ticket to your walk-in-center, and you just give them the ticket number and get a loaner PC while they fix your network card? That way you can start working again.”

Customer: “Erm… well, yes. That would work. Er, thanks.”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

War On Terrible Customers

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Military

(My husband and I are waiting in line. There is a customer in front of us that is finishing up her transaction, and a younger customer in the line behind us. The customer cashes out but then tells us it will be just one more minute since she has to ring up some other items in a separate transaction.)

Younger Customer: “Oh my God, lady! Just hurry up already! People have places to be you know!”

Customer: *turning to speak to us* “I’m so sorry; I just needed to ring my personal items up separately. You see, I volunteer to send care packages to our troops overseas and need to keep the donated items separate from my personal stuff.”

My Husband: “Oh, no problem. It’s really awesome of you to do that! Take your time.”

Customer: “I figure it’s the least I could do in exchange for everything they do for us.”

(By this point, the younger girl behind us starts groaning again and I turn around and shoot her a dirty look. She turns a little red and looks away.)

Customer: *after finishing her last transaction* “Oh dear, I forgot to scan these last few items. Oh well, I guess these will just have to be put back. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”

My Husband: “Here, let us pay for those. Just stick them with our stuff.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, thank you! Here you go. Have a wonderful evening.”

(We put the items through on our order and just as the last one is scanned, the customer starts to walk away.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! Don’t forget about these!”

Customer: “Oh, you guys are buying them for the care packages? I thought you were just going to keep them for yourself so they wouldn’t have to be put back. Oh my goodness, that is just the nicest thing!” *starts welling up* “You didn’t have to do that. You are such good people. Thank you so much! I know they will be appreciated!”

(At this point, the customer comes back and gives us a hug before walking off. The younger customer starts unloading her cart full of stuff on the belt, but as soon as our transaction is finished, the checker decides to close the lane, forcing her to go stand in a line with about 10 other people waiting. Serves her right!)

Uncoiling His Plot

, | MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I am a female that works for an retail parts shop. Because of this, a lot of people believe they can pull one over on me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes I need a coil pack for my car.”

Me: “Okay, what is the year, make and model?” *he tells me his car* “Okay. I have a coil pack in stock for $89.99.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I called Competing Parts Store], and they said they had it for $34.99.”

Me: “Okay, hon, no problem.”

(I know this is wrong, since I am familiar with how our rivals tend to price things. I proceed to call the other store, and get their actual pricing.)

Me: “All right, hon, looks like they made a mistake with you. They actually list their coil pack at $91.99, but seeing as their economy pack is $87.99 I can go ahead and match that price for you.”

Customer: “Um… well, it was actually their online price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not match online pricing in store. But you are more then welcome to purchase online, hon.”

(I hear the guy’s friend whisper to him.)

Friend: “I told you it wasn’t gonna work.”