Mother’s Little Yeller

| Massachusetts, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

Me: “A few quick rules before we begin our tour: we don’t allow photography inside the museum and, as everything inside is antique, please try not to touch anything.”

(At this point, I like to make a side note to any kids in the group to make them feel important. I turn to one of the visitor’s daughters at the front, who is about six years old.)

Me: “Now, everyone always assumes that I’m talking to you when I go over these rules, but really, I know that you know how to behave. The grownups, on the other hand, think they can do anything because they’re grownups. So you keep an eye on your parents for me, okay?”

(The visitor’s daughter grins and nods. Sure enough, a few minutes later…)

Me: “The bed curtains on the bed in here were handmade by a local woman out of homespun linen. She did all the work herself and it took her nearly ten years to—”

Visitor: “Wow, this is amazing!”

(The visitor grabs the 250-year-old fabric and starts rubbing it between her fingers.)

Visitor’s Daughter: *immediately smacks the visitor’s hand away* “Mummy you stop that! You heard what the nice lady said! Grownups have to follow the rules, too!”

Visitor: *hangs head in shame*

Other Visitor: “Oh my God, it worked!”

(The visitor’s daughter gave me a high five on the way out!)

Androcles And The Liquor

, | Missouri, USA | Food & Drink

(We have a difficult customer who comes in every day with his wife. Usually, he is just fine, but if he doesn’t get his coffee exactly right, he throws a huge fit. He’s even made a few girls cry from screaming at them.)

Me: “Good morning! How are you doing today?”

Difficult Customer: “Not good. I need my coffee.”

Me: “Yes, sir! Coming right up!”

Difficult Customer: “And, one other thing…”

Me: “…Yes?”

Difficult Customer: “Can I get a shot of whiskey in that?”

Me: “If I could give you coffee and whiskey, I think we would all have a better morning!”

This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People, Part 2

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bigotry

(I work at a mall kiosk store for a major telecom company in Canada. One morning, two full-time employees and I are all at work. I’m white, but the other two are Iranian and Filipino. A customer comes in.)

Customer: “Are you available?”

Me: “I can be.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God! I don’t think that g***…” *gestures to my Filipino coworker* “…over there is smart enough to fix my problem.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “You know what I mean! Does that P*** even speak English?”

Me: “Sir, you can leave now.”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Me: “Leave, sir. I need you to leave the area around my kiosk.”

Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Very well, sir. Would you like to speak with the assistant manager, too?”

Customer: *nods*

(I wave over my Iranian and Filipino coworkers, who happen to be the managers.)

Filipino Coworker: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Is this a joke!? I’m leaving!”

All 3 of us: “Thank you, sir!”

Related:
This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

He’s No Slim Jim, Part 2

| Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry

(I’m the girl whose friend is not a Slim Jim. It’s been a busy evening, so when I finally get a free minute, I grab a cleaning rag and go to wipe down the counter near the soda fountains. As I’m walking from behind the counter, a customer walks in, followed closely by Jim.)

Me: *turning to go back behind the counter* “Good evening! How—”

Customer: “Yeah, you just thought you were getting a break, b****!”

(At this point, Jim scowls but doesn’t say anything. After the man makes his purchase, Jim taps him on his shoulder. The guy turns and shrinks back when he sees that Jim is scowling with his arms crossed over his chest. The guy’s head is about level with Jim’s nose and he’s only half as broad.)

Jim: “What did you just call this young lady?”

Customer: “I… uh… I said that she… uh… is a very nice young lady. Beautiful, too.”

Jim: “That’s what I thought.”

Customer: *slinks around Jim and darts out the door* “Have a good night, gorgeous!”

Related:
He’s No Slim Jim

Really Fond-a Of Rhonda

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

Receptionist: “Hi, this is (company). May I direct your call?”

Caller: “Yeah, I need to speak to Rhonda.”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have anyone here by that name.”

Caller: “RHONDA! RHONDA! I need to talk to Rhonda!”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is no one here named Rhonda. What department were you trying to reach?”

Caller: “The newsletter girl! I want to talk to Rhonda!”

Receptionist: “Oh, Sue is in charge of the newsletters. I can transfer you to her right now.”

Caller: “Why did she change her name?!”

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