Don’t Count Out The Cost Of Education

| Gainesville, Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I’m the specialist for the children’s books. A customer comes up and asks me to take her to a popular kids’ series, so I do.)

Customer: “Now, my granddaughter has numbers 1 and 2.”

Me: “Great. We have the rest of the series if you’d like to pick up a few more.”

Customer: “But what should I get?” *spreads her hands helplessly* “She has 1 and 2 already, what should I get next?”

Me: “You could get 3.”

(The customer stands there blankly while I point to the book. She doesn’t move or react until I physically pick it up and put it in her hand.)

Customer: “And then… should I go down to 4?”

Results Of The Risotto

| Germany | Food & Drink, Top

(Our snack bar serves a selection of lunch items plus a Daily Special.  On this particular day, the chef is having an off day so the risotto is really overcooked and flavorless. A regular customer, who is very nice and almost always eats the Special, arrives to place his order.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [snack bar]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “The Special.”

Me: “Um, are you sure? It’s a bit ‘different’ today. Would you like something else?”

Customer: “No, I’ll have the Special.”

Me: *leaning forward and whispering* “The chef’s not having a good day. The special is horrible.” back to a normal voice* “So, what can I get for you?”

Customer: *laughing* “It’s okay, I’ll have the Special. It can’t be that bad.”

Me: *laughing too* “On your head be it!”

(Half an hour later, I am clearing tables. The customer is finishing his drink and reading a newspaper. I notice that his plate of risotto is sitting in front of him, barely touched.)

Me: “You didn’t like the Special, then?”

Customer: *looks sadly at his plate of food* “I really should listen when even the employees warn me…”

(My manager ended up giving him vouchers for a couple of free meals. He had to be persuaded to take them, as he was quite willing to live with his choice seeing as how he had ignored my ‘warning’!)

The Panties Of Yeast Resistance

| Washington, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

(I am the lead in the lingerie department. After watching me for 15 minutes, a middle-aged man approaches me as I’m folding underwear. Note that this customer has bothered other female workers and is clearly a panty fetishist.)

Customer: “So, I’m buying some panties for my teenage daughter. Are these something that she would like?” *hands me a satin thong*

Me: “It depends on your daughter, but the pattern on them is nice.”

Customer: “But, will she like them? You’re about the same age. Do you wear panties like these? You said that they were nice. Do you own a pair of these panties?”

(I’ve worked in lingerie for awhile now and know what this customer is up to.)

Me: “Oh no, sir. Thongs are very bad for vaginal health. They help bacteria move from the anus to the vulva area and can cause urinary tract infections. Plus, cotton underwear really are the best, as satin doesn’t breathe properly and can lead to yeast infections.”

Customer: *stunned silence, turning red*

Me: *leads him to the “granny panty” section* “Really, these would be the best for your daughter. They’re the only underwear that I’ll wear! It’s best for her vaginal health. This four-pack is very economical. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Customer: *drops satin underwear and walks away very fast*

Me: “Have a great day!”

(My manager saw the exchange and gave me a high-five. The customer still bought underwear from us, but he never bothered another female worker again!)

When Customers Enc-roach

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I am sitting at the table where we require pool patrons to sign in. It is a slow afternoon early in the season, so I have been given permission to read. A patron enters with his young daughter, and I look up.)

Customer: “I think they’re mating.”

(Suddenly, the customer throws a pair of cockroaches on my still-open book. I jump back, let the book fall to the floor, and then stare back at him.)

Customer: *grins* “Wait ’til I find out what you’re REALLY afraid of!”

Me: *speechless*

(I quit two weeks later.)

A Rude A-Blabbering

| Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(I’m ringing out a customer who is blabbing away on their cellphone.)

Me: “Your total is $13.47.”

Customer: *throws her card on the counter and continues blabbing*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

(I put the card back in front of her and wait. Eventually, she realizes I’ve stopped and speaks to me.)

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “I was trying to ask if you you would like debit or credit, but you wouldn’t give me an answer.”

Customer: “That’s probably because I’m on the phone having a conversation! God! Debit!”

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

Customer: *ignores me and starts blabbing away on her phone again*

(I ask for her PIN a few more times, but after about 30 seconds the credit card machine automatically cancels the transaction since no PIN number has been entered.)

Customer: “Now what’s the problem?”

Me: “I asked you to enter your PIN number a few times, but the machine timed out. I’m going to need to swipe your card again.”

Customer: *throws the card at me*

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

(Once again, she isn’t paying attention. The machine times out. I put the card back on the counter in front of her and ask the next customer behind her if they are ready to be cashed out. The next customer approaches the counter and places her items down.)

Customer: “UMM, EXCUSE ME?! YOU’RE WAITING ON ME! ”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’ve been trying to wait on you for several minutes but until you finish your phone call, I will not be able to complete your transaction.”

Customer: *to her cellphone* “Can you believe this? I’m being refused service because Im on my phone. This is bulls***!” *to me* “YOU ARE EXTREMELY RUDE!”

(Fed up, the next customer speaks up on my behalf.)

Next Customer: “YOU’RE calling the cashier rude? You’re the one who has been holding up the line. The poor girl was trying to get you to enter your PIN for 5 minutes while you blurted out your personal business in front of a bunch of strangers. You need to learn some manners!”

Customer: *blushes and walks out of the store without her items*

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