Going Off The Deep End

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am a lifeguard at a public pool. While guarding the diving boards, I hear a loud smack from behind me. I turn to see two children who look to be about 10 or 11, standing in line for the high dive, yelling at each other.)

Me: “Excuse me, is there a problem?”

Boy: “YEAH! She hit me!”

Girl: “NO! He hit me first!”

Boy: “Nuh-uh! You hit ME first!”

(I look and see that both children have red marks on their face, as if they were recently slapped. However, I have no way of finding out who started this fight.)

Me: “Excuse me, but—”

Woman In Line: “Send them to the back of the line! Punish those brats!”

Me: *to woman* “Don’t worry, ma’am; I’ve got this situation under—”

Boy: “You can’t send me to the back! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

(The boy runs off in terror.)

Girl: “I’m not going to the back of the line! You can’t make me! I’ve been in line FOREVER!”

Me: “I’m not going to send you to the back if the line. I just—”

Girl: “I’m not going to the back of the line!”

Me: “I didn’t say—”

Girl: “I’M NOT GOING! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! I’M TELLING MY DADDY ABOUT THIS, YOU F*****!”

(The girl stomps away to get her father. A few minutes later, a rather large and intimidating man comes up to me.)

Man: “Look, I’m sorry for how my daughter acted. We’ve been trying to teach her some manners. Don’t worry about it.”

(Later, I find out that the man called the lead lifeguard, and I got officially commended!)

Their Brain Is French-Fried

| BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “From Quebec.”

Customer: “Quebec? Is that the province that speaks French?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But how come you can speak in English?”

Me: *looking at him in disbelief*

Customer: “And when you started to speak in English, did you choose to have a French accent?”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3

, | MI, USA | Health & Body

Me: “Hi, welcome to [establishment]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer: *angrily* “I would like to speak to a manager immediately.”

(I go to the bathroom door where our manager is. She is currently feeling unwell, and thinks that she might be sick. I let her know someone is looking for a manager. I then return to the counter.)

Me: “She will be up here in just a moment; is there anything I can do?”

Customer: “Yes, you can tell your f****** manager to hurry it up! She’s so d*** fat, she takes forever to get up here.”

Me: “Well, I can imagine that being pregnant and being sick would make you a little larger and slower.”

Customer: “Oh…” *hastily leaves*

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
Cause For Pregnant Pause