A Bad Hair Day

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

(It is Christmas Eve. I have just finished a very difficult 13-hour shift, with a 2-hour commute to the small town I live just outside of. I am picking up milk. My hair is cropped short, and though I am very skinny, my uniform is shapeless except for the back brace I am wearing. As I get in line, a very drunk customer behind me turns to another customer.)

Drunk Customer: “Can you believe this [lesbian slur]? Look at her! She can at least clean herself up before coming into our town! What a fat useless c***! She’s wearing a d*** girdle! Ha! That fat will melt right off when she goes to Hell!”

(The drunk customer continues berating the way I look, and throwing insults over his shoulder. Finally I have had enough. I set my milk on the conveyor belt and spin around to face the man.)

Me: “Let’s get a few things straight! First, this is a back brace, not a girdle! I wear it because I was born with a deformed pelvis and spine, and I can very easily paralyze myself with improper body mechanics. Secondly, I have been with my MALE fiancé for five years. But at least you are right about one thing. I would look a h*** of a lot better with my hair long. I used to have long, beautiful, full curls. So beautiful, in fact, my six-year-old niece would cry every time I visited her because she lost all of her hair when she started chemo for her leukemia. So for Christmas, I cut off all of my long feminine curls and have had them made into a wig so she doesn’t have to feel ugly when she goes to school. I just thank God she lives two towns over, because after what you’ve said about me, I can’t imagine what you and the rest of the people here like you would say to a sad, sick little girl!”

(The next time I went back to pick up a few things, the manager approached me. It turned out the entire staff had donated to my niece’s cancer treatment!)

His Account Just Got Axed

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Money, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. This is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “This d*** ATM wont give me my money, and now it’s eaten my card! I want you to get it back! NOW!”

Me: “Okay, sir. May I have you member number please?”

(The customer confirms the details.)

Me: “I can see here, sir, that you have used another bank’s ATM, and that you entered the wrong PIN three times?”

Customer: “It’s not my d*** fault I got my cards mixed up. Just get my card back!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we are unable to access that machine for you. It does not belong to our bank, and you have used a machine that is not attached to another bank branch, so the card has been cancelled. I can order a new one straight away, but I need to advise you that there will be a fee.”

Customer: “No. YOU will get my card back right now, or I will go to my car, get my axe, and chop up this machine!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Go ahead.”

Customer: “What, what…? But I said that I’m going to get an axe!”

Me: “I know you did, on someone else’s ATM, so it doesn’t really affect us does it? I should let you know that I have made notes of the threat you just made, though.”

Customer: “I’ll close all my accounts! I’ll go to the branch right now.”

Me: “You WILL close your accounts, sir. And I see from your notes that this was your final warning about threatening behavior. However, I suggest that you don’t approach any branch or staff member again, as you apparently have an axe. The police will be notified the moment you step foot in any of our branches. You will be sent a cheque in the mail. Thank you for calling [Bank].”

Ejected From The Library

| New York, NY, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Rude & Risque

(I’m an assistant librarian. We have a section of computers for our patrons to use, located directly next to the children’s section. One day while I’m re-shelving kid’s books, I hear what sounds like people having sex. I turn to look and see an old man sitting at one of the computers watching VERY explicit porn.)

Me: “Sir! Excuse me, sir. I’m going to have to ask you to turn that off.”

Old Man: “No! This is a free country!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but not only is that inappropriate content, we’re right next to the children’s section. You don’t want any of them to see that sort of thing. Do you?”

Old Man: “It’s perfectly natural! They should see it! I knew all about this sort of thing when I was their age!”

Me: “…sorry, what!?”

Old Man: “My mother was a w****! I lost my virginity when I was ten! There’s nothing wrong with kids knowing about sex!”

Me: “There are so many things wrong with that statement that I can’t even list them.”

(I ended up having to call the police to remove him because he was making a scene. He was banned from the library, but he still tries to sneak in every few months to watch porn on our computers.)