One Steps Forward, Two Step Back To The Car

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m a customer in a well-known chain grocery store and I’m in the express lane behind two other customer. One of the customers is loading a bunch of deli takeout into the checkout while gabbing away on her cellphone.)

Cashier: *rings her up* “Alright, ma’am, that will be [total].”

Customer #1: “Oh, hold on…” *to the cashier* “What did you say?”

Cashier: “Your total’s [total].”

Customer #1: “What?! But I only got this much!” *shows a small wad of cash*

Cashier: “Do you want to put anything back?”

Customer #1: “Oh, h*** no. I got kids to feed!” *back on her phone* “Hold on, girl. I gotta go get my purse out my car and get more cash out.”

(She flings her cart in the general area of where the carts are stacked and walks out to go get her purse. The cashier voids the transaction, sets the items aside and starts ringing up the second customer.)

Customer #2: “I can’t stand when people do that. It’s so rude and inconvenient!”

Cashier: *laughing* “Yeah, it happens…alright, your total is [total].”

Customer #2: *searches her pockets* “Oh, dear.”

Cashier: “Forgot your purse in your car too?”

Customer #2: *sheepishly* “Yes…” *slinks away*

Conspiracy Weary, Part 2

| Niagara on the Lake, ON, Canada | History, Tourists/Travel

(The town of Niagara on the Lake is celebrating the 200th anniversary of the war of 1812 and we occasionally get tourists asking about it. This tourist has been nice and friendly up to this point.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

Tourist: “I have a question. What’s all this 1812 stuff about?”

Me: “Well, 200 years ago, the United States went to war with the British in what is now Canada. Neith—”

Tourist: “THAT NEVER HAPPENED! THAT’S A LIE!” *stomps out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

Related:
Conspiracy Weary

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

| Askim, Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a supermarket. This particular day, an old lady who is a regular customer comes in. She’s just paid for her groceries.)

Customer: “Oh, I can’t get home. You have to help me.”

Me: “Sure, we can call you a taxi. That’s no problem.”

Customer: “NO! Don’t call a taxi! It’s too expensive! I live on welfare!”

Me: “Who else should we call?”

Customer: “I live on welfare. I can’t afford a taxi! It’s too expensive!”

Me: “Okay, is there anyone else we can call?”

Customer: *ignores me* “Oh, how am I supposed to get home now?”

(It’s only fifteen minutes before we close, so I talk to my colleagues about this, and we agree that the quickest and simplest solution is for me to drive her home in my own car. We get to the nursing home where she lives, and I help her bring the groceries to her room.)

Me: “Okay, there we are. Take care now.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you very much for your help! That was very kind.”

(This is the first time I’ve ever heard her say anything nice.)

Me: *closing door*

Customer: “YOU DRIVE LIKE A PIG!”

Related:
Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2
Driving Miss Crazy

Distresses Over Mistresses

| Iowa, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am 21 and work at a sporting goods store. We have two stores, and the company is family owned; the owner has an office just upstairs. He’s wealthy, in his forties and happily married with three kids. I’m helping a customer with a special order.)

Me: “Okay, that should do it! It usually takes about two weeks for a special order to be delivered. I’ll give you a call when they come in.”

Customer: “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Thank you. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

Customer: “You should marry [company owner]. He’s rich.”

Me: “Um. Well. He’s too old for me, I think. And he’s already got a wife.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, you’re younger than her.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think he wants a younger wife. I think he’s happy with the one he has.”

Customer: “Come now. All girls want a rich husband. Don’t you want a rich husband?”

Me: “I’ve got career plans of my own, actually. This job is just putting me through college. I think I’ll manage.”

Customer: “Some people have no ambition!” *walks away*

Keep Calm And Cop On

| USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(We have one female coworker on our shift, and despite the fact that we’re all more physically intimidating than she is, we usually will let her handle aggressive customers because she tends to freak them out. Not only is she a calm person, but she can’t read body language and therefore doesn’t respond to menacing behavior. Note: she’s also one of the smallest people working in the store.)

Customer: *barges up to the counter* “You f***ing people sold me some piece of s*** equipment that doesn’t f***ing work!”

Female Coworker: *blank stare* “I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t f***ing work! What, do you got cotton in your ears, little girl?”

Female Coworker: *dead pan* “You did indicate that the device is not working, sir. I was asking for clarification.”

Customer: *uneasy* “Well it ain’t…downloadin’ stuff like it’s s’posed to.”

Female Coworker: *holds out her hand* “May I?”

(She examines the device for a moment, then turns it off and opens the back of it.)

Female Coworker: “Sir, how long have you had this device?”

Customer: “Six weeks.”

Female Coworker: “…and in that time, how much exposure to water or other liquid has it had?”

Customer: *leans in and gets in her face* “Don’t you DARE try to blame this on me, you f***ing b***! You little godd*** c***! This is all your fault I know you sold me a faulty device! You will fix it or give me my money back, because I didn’t do s***!”

Female Coworker: *smiling calmly* “Sir, did you perhaps drop it in the snow last week?”

Customer: “What the f***’s that got to do with anything?”

Female Coworker: *hands him the device* “When you can answer that, I’m sure anyone here will be happy to help you. However, as the device has been compromised and not by a factory defect, I’m afraid I cannot help you at this time.”

(Surprisingly, the customer returned a week later, and very sheepishly apologized for his behavior. On that same occasion, another customer with less self control tried to take a swing at my female coworker. We were delighted to discover the first customer was in fact a cop, and got to watch the other guy get arrested in the middle of the store.)

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