Small Print, Smaller Minds

| IN, USA | At The Checkout

(I work as a manager at a large craft store chain. A customer comes in, wanting to return a clearance item she had purchased from another store in our chain.)

Customer: “I want to return this item, please.”

(I look at her receipt, and notice it is over 60 days old.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t take back clearance items on receipts that are more than 60 days old.”

Customer: “The cashier didn’t tell me that.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is right here on the back of the receipt.”

Customer: “Well, she didn’t tell me to turn it over and read it!”

Black & Blue Friday

| Natchitoches, LA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I normally avoid Black Friday sales because of the madness that ensues. However, a few years ago, a retailer put a sewing machine on sale and I desperately wanted a new one so I went with my aunt and cousins. Not wanting to be in the way, I put my machine in my cart and moved so that I was well out of the way while my relatives shopped.)

Woman: *rams the back of my legs with her heavily-ladened cart* “Watch it!”

Me: “Excuse you! There was plenty of room for you to get by! Why the h*** did you do that?”

Woman: “I didn’t see you there! You shouldn’t hide like that!”

Me: “I was right in front of you! How could you miss me?”

Woman: “Well, you’re just so short that I didn’t see you!”

Me: “Really? That’s the best excuse you’ve got? Lady, there’s NOTHING blocking your view of me and I’ve got BRIGHT RED HAIR! I’m also wearing a WHITE shirt that has a HUGE Mickey Mouse printed on it! So, how in the world did you NOT see me?”

Woman: *meekly* “I’m so sorry.” *runs off*

Diolch yn fawr Very Much

| Porthmadog, Wales, UK | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(I am a customer in a store, queuing at a till being worked at by my friend. I always try to be polite, and if I see a customer has more groceries than me, or looks busier than me, or is elderly, I always offer them to take the place ahead of me when it’s my turn next at the checkout. I live in a Welsh-speaking area so normally ask in Welsh first, then repeat in English if the other person does not understand.)

Me: *in Welsh* “Hello, sir. Would you like to go next to the till? I don’t mind waiting.”

Elderly gentleman: *in English* “DID YOU JUST SWEAR AT ME?”

Me: *in English* “Not at all, I was simply trying t—”

Elderly gentleman: “I can’t stand you young Welsh people. You think that because you have your own private little language that you can just swear and joke about us tourists. I’ll tell you what, missy, I bet you don’t have a job, you’re probably on benefits. The only people who have jobs around here are here to support tourists like me, who come here out of the kindness of our hearts to inject some money into your miserable, pathetic little local economy. I’ll not have it! I deserve better!”

(Hearing this, my friend and coworker speaks up in my defense.)

Coworker: “Actually, sir, she was just asking if you’d like to go next in the queue. Because this isn’t the regular tourist season, she was asking in Welsh. And for your information, she is also English. She’s been learning since she got here to Wales as she thinks it is important to preserve the local heritage. Now, will you take advantage of this girl’s generous offer to go first and let everyone else get on with their day, or will I call a manager and ask you to leave the store owing to your somewhat racist behaviour?”

(The customer goes red, and slides in front of me in the queue. My coworker would not finish his transaction until she had taught him to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in Welsh.)

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13 Is Lucky For Some

| NSW, Australia | Awesome Customers, Top

(The night before was incredibly busy, and we were very short-staffed. One group of customers has had their leader buy all the tickets while the individuals buy their confectionery. The next day, one of the customers from the group walks up to the ticket box.)

Customer: “Hi, I was in here last night with a group of 13 kids.”

Manager: “Yes, I remember. It was busy, wasn’t it?”

Customer: “Sure was. In fact, it wasn’t until after the movie had finished that we realised we’d purchased only 12 tickets. The usher didn’t realise as we passed through, but I’d really like to pay for the extra ticket now…”

(We processed the transaction, and the customer happily went on his way. Our staff were so impressed with the display of integrity, they were in good spirits for the rest of the day. That group is welcome any time!)

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Death Of An Insurance Salesman

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I work for a very large insurance company. An angry client calls in with a thick foreign accent. Note that my trouble understanding her is making her aggravated.)

Client: “Why haven’t you paid me my insurance money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not really understanding the question. Could you clarify a little more for me?”

Client: “You must pay me the $100,000 for my insurance!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are the insured person on this policy. Who is it that has passed?”

Client: “No one passes! I need you to pay me my insurance.”

(This continues back and forth for five minutes.)

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t pay you the money from your life insurance policy for the same reason you cannot bury a man living in the USA in Canada.”

Client: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because you’re not dead.”

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