Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt

| Manchester, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)

Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”

(I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)

Me: “What black thing?”

Customer: “That big black thing right there!”

(I check again.)

Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”

Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”

Me: *moves hand*

Customer: “That’s better.”

It’s So Fluffy!

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre

(I work at a hotel doing housekeeping, laundry, and generally other things that need help. As I’m exchanging a guest’s towels, her friend comes out and seems really frustrated.)

Guest: “Um, do you guys actually wash the pillows here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can assure you that all the pillows in here are clean.”

Guest: “Obviously they’re clean! But do you wash them?”

Me:  “Uh…yes, we do.”

Guest:  “I knew it! THAT’S WHY THE PILLOWS ARE TOO G** D*** FLUFFY!”

Me:  “I’m sorry to hear that you were uncomfortable. Sometimes guests that are more used to things from their house bring their own pillows.”

Guest: “And why the h*** would I do that?! All you d*** people would just steal it and make it fluffy!”

For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 5

| British Columbia, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”

Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”

Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”

Me: “Awesome.”

Related:
For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4
For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
For Some, Childhood Never Ends

Relatively Misspeaking

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Your next of kin is listed as your ‘cousin’s sister’?”

Student: “Yes.”

Me: “You do realize your cousin’s sister is still your cousin right?”

Student: “No, it’s my cousin’s sister.”

Me: “That’s still your cousin.”

Student: “No, it’s my first cousin’s sister!”

Waste Not, Bag Not

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(In Canada, we charge five cents for each plastic bag used, which goes to environmental fees or charities. Every store except Walmart has charged for bags for 3-4 years now.)

Customer: “You guys charge for bags?! You’re kidding me!”

Me: “Yup, we do.”

Customer: “It’s ridiculous!”

Customer’s Daughter: “But mom, we’re not going to need bags anyway.”

Customer: “I know, but it’s just so greedy! I’m not going to shop at all these stores anymore if you guys keep charging for bags!”

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