The Girl Who Cross-Shopped The Employee’s Best

| OR, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks into the bookstore and begins looking around.)

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes, there is this book that I heard about on the radio that I want to read.  I can’t remember the title, though.”

Me: “Alright, do you know who the author is?”

Customer: “No, but I’m pretty sure that he was from Norway, and it came out really recently.”

Me: “Okay, I can’t think of any books by Norwegian authors that are big right now, but I can try to see what we have. I’ll go ask my boss if she can think of anything.”

Me: *to my boss* “Do you know of any books by Norwegian authors that came out recently?”

Boss: “No. Do they know anything else about it?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I will ask.”

(I walk back to the customer.)

Me: “Neither of us can think of anything by a Norwegian author that came out recently. Can you think of anything else about the book? If we don’t have it in stock, I can special order it for you.”

Customer: “I think it was a mystery.”

(On a hunch, I walk out to our new book display and pick up “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” by Swedish author Stieg Larsson.)

Me: “It wouldn’t happen to be this, would it?  This book came out very recently in hard cover and is very popular right now.”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Me: “Excellent! That book is actually part of a series.  We have the first one right over here if you are interested.”

(I walk over and grab the first book and hold it out to her.)

Customer:The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo? Okay, that looks good!”

(I continue holding the book out for her, but she doesn’t take it.)

Me: “If this is all, I can ring it up for you right now, or I can set it aside for you while you browse.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, no, I’m not going to buy it. Now that I know what the book is, I am going to go home and buy it on my Kindle!” *turns and leaves without another word*

Greetings & Confrontations

| Missouri, USA | Bizarre

(An older customer walks in the store. We usually try to greet every customer as they walk in.)

Me: “Hi!”

Customer: “Hi there. How are you?”

Me: “I’m pretty good. How about yourself?”

Customer: “Well, you might as well say you’re freaking fantastic, because no one really cares how you are anyways!” *walks off*

A Wick-ed Accident

| Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

(My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

(My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

Patient: “Yes.”

My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

Patient: “Yes.”

My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

Patient: “That’s what happened!

We’ve Got 20,000 Facebook Fans!

Not Always Right/Facebook | Announcements, Roundups

Hooray! Not Always Right now has 20,000+ wonderful Fans on Facebook!

We couldn’t let this milestone pass without taking a look back at some of our most historic posts. Check them out!

1. First NAR Story: Because Insurance Is Such A Scream
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On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 2

| New York, USA | Bigotry, Top

(Note: My coworker (who is flamboyantly homosexual) and I are the only two people working at the time.)

Coworker: “Hey ya, how’re you doing today? Is there anything we can help you find?”

Customer: “Leave me alone.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

Customer: “I said leave me alone!”

(While the customer browses, I head to the back to get some categorizing done. I come back at the request of my coworker, only to hear the customer yelling.)

Customer: “I will NOT be serviced by some f****t! You people are gonna burn in h***, and I don’t want you taking me down with you!”

Coworker: *on the verge of tears* “Sir, I’m really just trying to—”

Customer: *points to me* “HIM! Let HIM help me! Ain’t no f****t gonna handle my records! You, there! With the beard! Come help me, please!”

(Instead of helping the customer, I wrap my arm around my coworker’s shoulder. Note that I’m not gay.)

Me: “Is my boyfriend unable to help you with your transaction, sir?”

Customer: *looks horrified and sprints out of the store*

Related:
On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

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