Getting Chesty About The Law

| Rio de Janeiro, Brazil | Criminal & Illegal, Rude & Risque, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I’m an American married to a Brazilian, and I spend several months a year in Brazil. I work at a beachside stall serving beer and snacks. A pair of American tourists are in front of me, and the woman is topless, which is strictly illegal in Brazil, but many assume otherwise.)

Man: “Hi. Two cervezas and, uh, some chips. You got chips?”

Server: *in Portuguese* “Ma’am, you can’t be topless here! The police could arrest you. You need to cover up.”

Woman: “What are you talking about? I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “Lady, he’s telling you that you need to cover up.”

Woman: “What? Like h*** I do. This is Brazil!”

Me: “Yeah, a Catholic country that bans public nudity. You can be arrested.”

Man: “F*** off. This is Brazil. People go topless on the beach all the time.”

Me: “Well, look around at the beach. You’re the only woman in sight without a top on.”

Woman: “Mind your d*** business.” *they walk off in a huff*

Server: “I wonder if they noticed that they’re about to walk right past three police cars?”

Me: “Probably not.”

(I stood there, sipping my beer, and watched as the woman was cited for public nudity.)

Natural Medicine Versus Naturist Medicine

| GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work for a local orthopedic surgeon. One of my jobs is to remove post-op braces and put casts on. I’m a young woman; the patient is a 19-year old man.)

Me: “Okay, sir. You’ll be in room three. I need to go get some supplies, but go on and sit on the exam table. Make yourself comfortable.”

(The patient nods and hops up on the table. I cut the splint off his leg. We request patients wear gym shorts so we don’t have to cut their jeans. I walk out to get supplies and close the door. When I return, I knock twice and open the door. He’s laid out on the table, naked, and playing with his PSP.)

Me: “Um, sir? I didn’t need you to remove your clothes.”

Patient: “What? You told me to get comfortable!”

The Bald And The Beautiful, Part 2

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

(I’ve recently been diagnosed with leukemia and am due to undergo chemotherapy. I decide to have fun with my hair and dye it blue knowing it’ll be gone soon. I’m at my favorite coffee shop.)

Customer In Line: “Excuse me. Is there a manager on duty?”

Manager: “I’m the manager on duty. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer In Line: *points straight at me* “Can you have HIM escorted from the premises?”

Manager: “I can’t see anything he’s doing wrong, ma’am. May I ask why you want him to leave?”

Customer In Line: “Are you blind? Look at that punk. His kind should not be allowed in an establishment like this.”

(Having heard more than I wish to, I decide to step in.)

Me: “Is something about me bothering you?”

Customer In Line: “YES! Look at your hair! You little rebel punks need to have some respect.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. Should I get rid of it?”

Customer In Line: “It would be a start.”

Me: “Well, my chemotherapy treatment is on Wednesday, so odds are the next time you’ll see me it’ll be gone.”

(The customer goes pale and walks away without saying a word. The manager gives me a big hug and a $25 gift card!)

Related:
The Bald And The Beautiful