The ‘Mocha Chocolate’ Is Just The Cream On Top

| USA | Right | June 2, 2015

(I am a customer in a small local coffee shop next to a hospital. A woman in scrubs acting important cuts in front of me but being early and a regular I let it slide. She starts to order:)

Customer: “Give me a tall grande skinny chocolate mocha frappe soy latte with cream.”

Barista: “What was that order?”

Customer: “Uh…” *repeats something different*

Barista: “What size; we have small and large.”

Customer: “What about tall grande skinny did you not understand?”

Barista: “So that is a large mocha latte with whipped cream?”

Customer: “No, that’s chocolate mocha!”

Barista: “Chocolate and mocha are the same thing.”

(At this point I laugh and the customer turns and glares at me.)

Customer: “Fine, just make it.”

(The barista does so.)

Barista: “Should I close the lid or are you going to add cream?”

Customer: “Why would you ask that?”

Barista: “I wouldn’t want it to spill.”

Customer: “Just give it to me.”

(She pays and leaves, the barista is just shaking his head. I step up trying not to laugh and hand over my travel cup and cash.)

Me: “What in the world was she actually trying to order?”

Barista: “I don’t even know!”

It’s Hard (Liquor) To Feed Family

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Right | June 2, 2015

(A man comes into our store to steal. My coworker confronts him.)

Coworker: “Sir, you’re going to have to put that back.”

Customer: “I don’t have anything.”

Coworker: “I saw you put that bottle of brandy in your jacket.”

Customer: *puts bottle back* “You don’t understand. I need to feed my kids.”

Coworker: “…with brandy?”

Get The Name Right Or You’re Going To Have Kittens

| France | Right | June 2, 2015

(I’m the stupid customer in this story. I’m phoning a veterinarian for the very first time in my life.)

Receptionist: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello. May I have an appointment this week, please?”

Receptionist: “Why, exactly?”

Me: “I just adopted a kitten and I’d like to make sure everything’s all right, to know about vaccinations and so on, you see?”

Receptionist: “All right. What about Wednesday at 10?”

Me: “That’s okay for me.”

Receptionist: “What’s the name?”

Me: “My name or the cat’s name?”

(I realize I just asked a really stupid question – as if the cat was going to enter and say her name!)

Receptionist: “Your name.”

(I really felt stupid…)

Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

| AZ, USA | Right | June 1, 2015

(Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

(I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

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Mishearing Can Be A B****

| RI, USA | Right | June 1, 2015

(I’m stocking cheese and sometimes it’s difficult to hear customers clearly with the fans running in the coolers.)

Customer: “Hey, b****!”

(I turn and see a little old man, smiling politely and I’m sure I must have heard him wrong. He asks for the bread aisle, I send him on his way and he thanks me. Another customer rushes out of an aisle toward me.)

Other Customer : “I can’t believe you helped that guy after he called you a b****!”

Me: “You heard that, too?!”

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