Logo Loco

| USA | Right | June 18, 2014

(A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.'”

Customer: *storms out*

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Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

, | AB, Canada | Right | June 18, 2014

(It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

(At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

(My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

(I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”

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Keeping Your Shirt On For Four Months

| Buenos Aires, Argentina | Right | June 18, 2014

(I work at my mother’s laundry service. This is not a self service shop; we actually sort and place the clothes in the washer and drier machines. A regular customer comes into the shop.)

Customer: “You’ve lost one of my son’s t-shirts.”

Me: “That seems unlikely, but we’ll be sure to look around and see if we find it. If it somehow got mixed up with another customer’s clothes, I’m sure they’ll bring it back. What is the t-shirt like?”

(She proceeds to describe the shirt. Later I speak to my mother, who assures me that nothing was lost in that package, and further informs me that the shirt in question was really old and in extremely bad shape. Still, we look for it around the store and it is not there. The customer starts to come by the store twice a week for several weeks, and on each occasion she demands, each time more aggressively than the last, for the shirt to be returned or for us to refund her.)

Me: “We are completely certain that the shirt was not lost at our locale, and that even if we wanted to refund you, the shirt you are claiming really has no value to refund.”

Customer: “Fine! I vow never to come by your shop again!”

(Four months later, the phone rings:)

Me: “Laundry service.”

Customer: “Hi. I’m [Customer], and I wanted to let you know that we found the missing t-shirt in our summer home by the beach, so you guys can stop looking for it now.”

Me: “Well, thanks for the heads up.” *turning to the empty deposit behind* “Guys! You can stop looking now! She found the shirt!”

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Good Customer Service Is Saving The Girl

, | ON, Canada | Right | June 18, 2014

(I am working the cash register at a fast food restaurant when a girl no older than 15 comes up to order.)

Girl #1: “I’ll have a number three with a [Soda], please.”

Me: “Sure. Will that be everything?”

Girl #1: “Umm… no, actually. I think I was followed here. If you see some girls come in and bother me, can you ask them to leave?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

(The girl takes her food over to the only table where she can be easily seen by all of the front counter staff, and she takes out some homework. Less than five minutes later, three girls come in, go straight to Girl #1’s table, and start talking to her. In the 30 seconds it takes to ask my manager for permission to kick the group out, Girl #1 has started crying.)

Me: *to the group* “You guys are harassing this girl. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Girl #2: “It’s okay. We know her.”

Me: “No, it’s not okay. You can’t be harassing paying customers.”

Girl #2: “We can buy something. We’ll be paying customers, too.”

Me: “Too late. I won’t just stand back and watch while you harass this girl. If you don’t leave right now, security will be called and you’ll be banned from the property.”

(As our restaurant was located in a mall parking lot, being banned from the property also meant being banned from the mall, so they left pretty quickly with no more argument. Since Girl #1 was still extremely upset, my manager let me give her a free milkshake and sit with her for a bit until she calmed down.)

Me: “So, what was that all about? Do you know those girls?”

Girl #1: “They go to school with me. I live in a group home. Ever since they found out, they’ve been following me around and making fun of me for it. I’ve been looking for a quiet place to do my homework for weeks. I can’t do it at the home; it’s too noisy, and I get no privacy there. And I’ve been to a few different coffee shops, and restaurants, and even the library, but they follow me everywhere, and no one has ever kicked them out, because they’re never loud or disruptive. This is the first place to help me.”

(I let Girl #1 get back to her homework. After that, she came in a few times a week to do homework. I let the managers and other staff know of her situation, so there was always someone there for Girl #1 to talk to or someone to threaten the bullies with banishment from the mall if they ever came back, which they didn’t.)

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It’s Scary What They Want Refunds For

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | June 17, 2014

(A woman walks into our haunted house with her 10-year-old son, buying admission for the two of them. After she comes out, she storms over to me, a look of anger on her face.)

Customer: “Refund. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, as you can see by this sign, we have a strict ‘No Refund’ policy.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want my money back, and I want it now! I want to speak with the manager of this place.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, then you can give me a refund.”

Me: “Before we take this any further, I’d like to know why you want a refund.”

Customer: “Do you have any idea how bad this place scared my child? He was terrified!”

Me: “Well, in that case, I certainly cannot give you a refund.”

Customer: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “You see, ma’am, this is a haunted house. Our job here is to scare and frighten everyone who comes in here. You said you son was scared when he went in. Then you got what you paid for.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would scare him THAT bad!”

Me: “Then we’ve exceeded expectations.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You scared a little ten year old boy to death!”

Me: “As I stated, that is our job. It is up to the family of children to decide whether the child should go in or not.”

Customer: “I think it would be up to the workers here to not scare a child who’s coming through!”

Me: “Then they wouldn’t be doing their job, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, I can’t get a refund?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “You should change the policy about refunds, then.”

Me: “I have no power to do that. I’m the manager, but not the owner. And he has told us that if we were to give out refunds, we would have no profit, because people would abuse the refunds right. This is why we can’t do it.”

Customer: “No refund?”

Me: “No refund, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, then I’m NEVER coming back to this place ever again!”

Me: “Okay.”

(The woman looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before she briskly walked away, murmuring something to herself.)

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