How About We Ring Your Neck

| Miami, FL, USA | Technology

(A customer walks in with his girlfriend. He’s having an issue with his cellphone.)

Customer: “I can’t hear my phone ring! This is an outrage! I paid so much money for this thing! I should just return this piece of s*** right now!”

(Without saying a word, I take the phone and move the “silence” switch to “off”.)

Me: “Now try it.”

(The girlfriend calls customer’s phone, and sure enough, it rings loud and clear. The customer sheepishly walks out and his girlfriend follows.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: *to her boyfriend* “I told you, you f***ing idiot! We could’ve saved the trip over here!”

I Have A Good Feeling About This

| Florida, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

(Our shop sells a lot of space-themed items, including a good deal of Star Wars merchandise. I am approached by two guys in their early 20s.)

Guy #1: “Excuse me, miss, but we’re about to get kicked out of your store.”

Me: “For what?”

Guy #2: “Lightsaber fighting!”

(They turn to a Star Wars display, each take a lightsaber off the rack, and spend a second figuring out how to turn them on. Right away, I duck behind the registers and return with two open lightsabers we have behind the counter from returns.)

Me: “Here, try some without the packaging.”

Guy #1: “SWEET!”

(They activate the lightsabers and proceed to have a high-energy duel in the middle of the shop, to the amusement of my coworkers and the other customers. When one wins, they deactivate and hand the lightsabers back to me.)

Guy #2: “Best. Store. Ever.”

(They left without buying anything, but with huge smiles on their faces!)

Do As I Say, Not As I Don’t Say

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout

(I’m cashing when an elderly customer comes to the till.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: *mumbles*

Me: “Do you have a rewards card today?”

Customer: *waves his hand indicating no*

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Look, just stop asking questions. That’s what they do at [competitor], not here!”

(I’m a bit shocked, but I put his groceries through the till in silence.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: *says nothing while he uses his debit card*

Me: “Have a good night.”

Customer: “It would be better if you weren’t so rude. You need to try and interact more with customers!”

Me: *speechless*

Do As I Say, Not As I Say

The Linguistic Frontier

| Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

Children Of The Scorn

| Aurora, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I’ve been at work for 8 hours and am finishing the last bit of the late-evening rush. A husband, wife, and their 6-year-old daughter come through the line with several items, one of which is a bike.)

Husband: “Can you split these between a couple cards?”

Me: “Of course. What amount would you like?”

Wife: “This’ll be food stamps. One minute…”

(The husband and wife stare at the card reader and babble between themselves which way to turn the card and what their pin is. I try to help several times, only to be scolded, so I remain quiet. As I wait, I start looking around randomly and eventually glance in the general direction of their daughter.)

6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you starin’ at, b****?!”

Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, I wasn’t…I didn’t mean…if you bring the bike over here, I can ring it up once your parents are finished—”

6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you say to me?!”

Me: “Well, unless you paid for it in the back, in which case you’ll want to have your receipt out at the door since they’ll check larger purchases. It’s a pain, I know, but it’s just store policy—”

6-year-old Daughter: “You racist c***! You just sayin’ that ’cause I’m [race], ain’t you? Shut the f*** up!”

Me: “No, it has nothing to…it’s just store policy to check receipts—”

6-year-old Daughter: “F*** you, f***ing racist b****! Y’all are racist! You is nothin’ more than a lil’ racist c*** askin’ me that s***! F*** you, you f***er! I ain’t got to do s***!”

(The daughter screams for a few more minutes, carrying off the bike. Meanwhile, her parents finish with their groceries, apparently oblivious to their daughter’s behavior. The daughter continues to make obscene gestures and screams obscenities at me all the way out the door, being sure to also yell at the store’s door greeter.)

Next Customer: “Morons…”

Me: *immediately burst into tears*

Next Customer: “Do you run into this often?”

Me: *nodding* “M-more than i-is strictly n-necessary.”

Next Customer: “Really? You’re too smart to be dealing with a**holes of that degree. I’d quit. Seriously, f*** that!”

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

(I put in my two weeks that night!)

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