The Thickest Part Of The Line

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I overhear some convention attendees when walking by a line.)

Attendee #1: “Hey, look, a line for something.”

Attendee #2: “What’s it for?”

Attendee #1: “I dunno. Let’s get in line!”

The End Is Nigh-Phone

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Technology

(An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

Me: “Um, okay, well—”

Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

Me: “Okay…”

Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

One Ring To Scare Them All

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bizarre

(I am working in a gift shop full of customers, mostly teenagers on field trips and their chaperones. I notice four boys as they walk in, and I greet them. They do not respond. A few minutes later, I begin adjusting some misplaced personalized rings.)

Boy #1: *pointing to a ring I am adjusting* “AAAHHH!”

Me: “Yes?”

Boy #1: *points again* “AAAAHHHH!”

Boy #2: “AAAAAAHHHH!”

Me: “Alright, how may I help you? Is there something I can get for you?”

All Four Boys: “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

Me: “Uh, okay…I can call somebody to help you.”

(The four boys stare at me, then slink away towards the door, almost without a word.)

Boy #3: “AAAAAHHH!” *all four exit*

(Several minutes later, all of the customers have left my shop and I begin adjusting the rings and key-chains again. I hear a voice behind me.)

Boy #4: “Uh, excuse me?”

Me: *turning around* “Yes?”

Boy #4: “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me if—AAAAAHHH!” *bolts from the store*