This Happens With Alarming Regularity

| Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

Customer: *eats receipt*

Me: *stares, speechless*

Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”

There’s No Upright Way To Raise A Child

| USA | Family & Kids

(My friend and I are sitting outside a store when we see a teenage girl chasing a little boy.)

Teenage Girl: “Get back here, kid! I’m not your freakin’ mother!”

Little Boy: “Can’t catch me!”

(The teenage girl catches the little boy a few feet away by the back of the shirt and picks him up. She then proceeds to walk back towards the store, smiling at us while carrying the boy upside down.)

Teenage Girl: “Nothing to see here. Cute shoes!”

Don’t Make A Dare With The Hair

| Great Falls, MT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

(A customer comes into our sandwich shop. Instead of ordering at the counter, he sits down and spends 15 minutes staring at us from the table. However, he ignores all of our attempts to talk to him. Finally, he storms up to the register where I am and starts yelling.)

Customer: “When the f*** is one of your waiters going to take my f***ing order? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters. You have to come up to the register to take your order. I’ll be happy to take your order for you, and we’ll probably have it ready before you finish paying.”

Customer: “No, my friend told me this is a classy joint! Classy joints have waiters! Now get a f***ing waiter out here or I’m leaving!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters, and if you insist on swearing at me I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Make me f***er! Come at me, bro! You’re just a f***** with girl hair!”

(Note: I am a man with shaggy hair.)

Me: “Sir, please leave.”

Customer: “Suck my ****!”

(Fed up, my manager intervenes.)

Manager: “I’m calling the cops, so you can tell them to suck your **** all you like if you’re still here when they get here.”

Customer: *points at me* “Send this little f***** outside! I’ll be in the alley!”

(The customer storms out through the back door, which is for employees only. As my manager starts to dial the cops, he turns to me.)

Manager: *conspiratorially* “Hey, if you wanna take a break out in the alley, that’s cool.”

Me: “Excellent!”

(I go out the back door and find the belligerent customer still there.)

Customer: *sees me and freezes in place*

Me: *jumps over the rail separating us*

Customer: *takes off running*

(Instead of giving chase, I returned to the store. The police called a few minutes later telling us they had him in custody.)

Dumbed Down

| Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Note: I am working on the technical support phone line at a large computer reseller.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve bought a new computer from you guys and it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, you’ve made a small mistake.”

Me: “Sorry about that. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The DVD drive is upside down. It still works, but I have to hold in the discs while I close the drive.”

Me: *confused* “Okay… well, bring it in and I’ll get it sorted while you wait.”

(Half an hour later, I’m covering the returns desk while my colleague is on break. The customer I spoke to on the phone comes up with his computer and places it on the returns desk.)

Customer: “Someone said they’d fix this for me. The DVD drive is upside down.”

Me: *turns computer up the right way*

(The customer was so embarrassed he took his computer and ran out out of the store!)

Time To Start Screening The Tourists

| Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

Me: “…A paint store?”

Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

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