(I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)
Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”
(The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)
Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”
As part of our ongoing Facebook page launch celebration, we’ll be giving away a total of 10 copies of the official Not Always Right book over the next five weeks.
To enter into our weekly drawing, simply like our Facebook page and you’ll automatically be entered. Two winners will be announced each week on our site, FB, and Twitter.
The winners of this week’s Facebook Page Book Giveaway are Noah and Kati — congratulations! They’ll each receive a free copy of our book via Amazon. Noah and Kati — a Not Always Right staff member will be contacting you soon via Facebook so you can receive your book.
If you didn’t win this time, don’t worry — you still have three more chances. Just like our Facebook page today to enter!
PS – if you liked our page before the announcement of this contest, you’re already qualified — anyone who likes our page will automatically be entered!
(A man calls me asking about his balance. The call starts out normal enough. In order get inform on account we need to get ID.)
Me: “Okay, in order to help you, I need your full name and the last four digits of your social security number.”
Me: “Sir, if you want this information, I need to get your information.”
Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my info!”
Me: “Why not?”
Customer: “You’re just going to give it to your alien overlords!!!”
Me: “Well, sir, we already have your information here. We just need you to provide it so that we can verify–”
Customer: *screams and hangs up*
Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind
(I work in a specialty meat shop. An older man orders several specific cuts of meat, including a pork loin cut into chops. It is store policy that we ask the customers how they want each item wrapped. When the chops are ready, I overhear this exchange between the customer and a female coworker.)
Coworker: “Sir, how would you want your loin packaged?”
Customer: “Are you propositioning me?”
(Everyone else in the shop bursts into laughter.)
(Due to difficulties returning from a petting zoo, my mother and I had a 3 month old calf riding in the front seat of our truck. We were hungry so we went thru a drive thru on our way home. After we ordered we drove up to the first window.)
Cashier #1: “Your total is [total]. Is that a real cow?”
Mom: “Why, yes, she is.”
(The cashier gives my mom the change and points the animal out to her coworkers around her. We drive up to the second window.)
Cashier #2: “Here’s your order. Is that cow real?”
Mom: “As you can see, she is real and really hungry, so thank you for the hamburgers. She will really enjoy them.”