Not Quite The PIN-nacle of Intelligence

| South Paris, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Credit or debit?”

Customer: “Uhh… debit I, guess.”

Me: “Okay, slide the card here and then enter your pin.”

Customer: “But it’s my friend’s card. I don’t know the pin.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to use a card that doesn’t belong to you.”

Customer: “Do credit. I don’t need the pin for that.”

Me: “Yes, but for credit the cardholder has to sign.”

Customer: “I can sign it.”

Me: “Only the cardholder can sign.”

Customer: “Then I’ll just sign her name.”

Me: “I can’t allow you to do that either. That’s fraud. We could both get into trouble.”

Customer: “There won’t be any trouble. She told me I could use her card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you use a card that doesn’t belong to you. Can you pay for these things yourself and then ask your friend to pay you back?”

Customer: “I don’t have any money. Besides, I can’t trust her to pay me back.”

Me: “Then I can’t sell you these items. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t know each other, right?”

Customer: “Um… nope. I don’t think so.”

Me: “If I were to try to buy something from you with a credit card that you knew wasn’t mine, what would you say?”

Customer: “I’d ask you for some kind of proof that you had permission…” *lightbulb goes on* “Oh!”

(Although the customer seems to finally understand, but she continues to stand there.)

Me: “Was there something else I could help you with?”

Customer: “So, can I just sign her name?”

Uncovering The Root Of The Problem

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV

(A member calls the library regarding his account.)

Caller: “It shows I still have a DVD on my account, and I was just wondering what that was. I could have sworn I turned them all in.”

Me: “I see you have on your card Roots, disc #3.”

Caller: “Hmm, that can’t be right. We only checked out discs #1 and #2, because we knew we wouldn’t have time to watch them all. There must me a mistake. We do not have Roots, disc #3.”

Me: “Okay, let me go over to the shelf and see if it’s there…” *I check the shelf* “I have on my shelf discs #1, #2, and #4, but not #3. Are you certain you didn’t check it out, possibly at a different time?”

Caller: “No! We do not have it! I already told you we only checked out the first two! If that’s all I took with me, how and why would I have disc #3?”

Me: “I am not sure. Would you like me to transfer you to my supervisor. Maybe she can help you figure out the situation?”

Caller: “No! I want you to fix it, because I don’t have that one!”

Me: “Sir, unless the DVD is on the shelf, there is little that I can do other than give you more time to look for it, or transfer you to my supervisor so she can handle the matter for you.”

Caller: “Well, aren’t you useless?!”

Me: “Okay, just a moment.”

(I transfer the caller to my supervisor. However, twenty minutes later, a man walks in. It’s clear from what he’s carrying he’s the same caller.)

Man: *hands me ‘Roots’ disc #3 and walks away*

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Needs To Get Their Education Straight

| Williston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

(I am waiting on my mom to get out of her doctor’s appointment. I overhear a conversation between a 17-year-old patient and the doctor.)

Patient: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT BE PREGNANT?!”

Doctor: “Well, ma’am, you said you haven’t been having your period, and you have been having sex with your boyfriend, so it is highly possible.”

Patient: “But I’m a lesbian! I can’t get pregnant!”

Doctor: “Oh? I apologize. I thought you said you had a boyfriend. Well then, we should try other tests. And I apologize to you and your girlfriend.”

Patient: “Ew, what? I do have a boyfriend! Why would I date a girl?”

Doctor: “Then you aren’t a lesbian. And you are probably pregnant.”

Patient: “I am a lesbian! My mom told my boyfriend and I that she wished I was a lesbian so I wouldn’t get pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided that I was a lesbian, so mom wouldn’t have to worry.”

Doctor: “Miss, that is not how it works, and not what she meant.”

Patient: “Screw you! I know my mom better then you do. You just lost a patient since you don’t even know lesbians can’t get pregnant!” *storms out*

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Acting Like The Hair Apparent

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(I am a black woman, and I have natural hair, meaning there are no chemicals in it to make it straight. The customer in this story is a white woman, and she is the only one in the lobby.)

Me: “Welcome to [movie theater]. Will that be all for you today?”

Customer: *looks at me disdainfully*

Me: “Ma’am, is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Is all of that under your cap your hair?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why do you have so much?”

Me: “I’m Haitian. We typically have very thick hair.”

Customer: “Do you wash it?”

Me: “…Of course. I actually washed it last night.”

Customer: “It looks dirty. Why isn’t it straight? It looks unprofessional like that.”

Me: “My hair is naturally kinky. I’d have to get a relaxer for it to be—”

(Without warning, the customer reaches out, knocks my hat off, and shoves her hands all through my hair.)

Me: *swats her hands away* “EXCUSE YOU!”

Customer: “What? I wanted to see what it felt like.”

Me: “And you felt no need to ask me if it was okay to enter my body space?”

Customer: “Not really. I figured it was okay. I mean, it’s just hair. It’s not like it’s your boob or a body part or anything.”

Me: “It is, and I don’t care to be touched. Please don’t.”

Customer: “I was just curious!”

Me: “But you could have asked. I’m still a person.”

Customer: “No you’re not! You work here, and that means I get to do whatever I want to you because I’m paying you!”

Me: “Actually, [manager] pays me, and I will call him to escort you out if you don’t finish your transaction and return to your theater.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to buy anything now because you don’t want me to touch your hair!”

Me: *voids transaction* “Please leave your items on the counter and enjoy your show!”

(She walks off to a manager, calls me uppity, and demands I be reprimanded for refusing to let her touch me. The manager kicked her out without refund.)

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Likely Story, Unlikely Store

| Wayne, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(A woman walks up to the customer service desk.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these sandals. They broke when I was wearing them, and I fell.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, not a problem.”

(I look at the sandals, and they are not a brand that we sell.)

Me: “Ma’am, these sandals actually aren’t from this store.”

Customer: “Of course they are! I bought them just a few weeks ago, right on the rack over there!”

(Even if she had purchased them here, the rack she is pointing to is in the complete opposite direction of where our sandals are.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this brand isn’t one that we sell here. I don’t know where you got them, but it wasn’t from this store.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I bought these from this store! And I fell in them and hurt myself! I’m going to sue you! I got hurt wearing a pair of your sandals!”

Me: “One moment, ma’am… I will call over a manager to assist you.”

(I call the manager, who heads over pretty quickly. The customer continues ranting in much the same manner.)

Customer: “I’m going to sue you and this store! I know for a fact that I got these here, and—”

(She has stopped mid-sentence because she is looking down at her sandals. As she does so, her eyes grow wide, and she becomes very pale.)

Customer: “…Oh. I don’t want to speak to the manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t want to speak to anyone. I’m sorry, this is the wrong store!” *leaves*

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