This Customer Is Soda-pressing

| VA, USA | Right | December 1, 2014

(I am a barista at a famous, internationally known coffee shop and working at the cash register. The company at the moment only sells coffee-related drinks, ‘frappuccinos,’ teas, and other caffeine/coffee related products for drinks.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! And what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a ham artisan sandwich.”

Me: “All right, and anything to drink?

Customer: “And I want a diet [Soda].”

Me: *thinking that I misheard her* “I’m sorry, ma’am, what did you say?”

Customer: “I SAID I want a diet [Soda].”

Me: “Oh, um, I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t… carry that here.”

Customer: *looks at me with both eyebrows raised, incredulously* “You don’t carry soda?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: *throws her head back, scoffing* “That’s ridiculous! Fine, then I’ll just have a…” *looks at the menu* “I’ll just have a coffee then.”

Me: “All right, just a coffee? Would you like the medium blend? Or a different brew?” *we have a light, medium, dark, and decaf at the ready right behind me*

Customer: *scoffs again* “Just a coffee! Whatever!”

Me: “All right, one medium coffee. Anything else?”

Customer: “That’s all!” *she looks at her friend/coworker the whole time as if this was all a tiring exchange*

Next Door Chore

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | December 1, 2014

Customer: “Hi, I bought these tweezers but the light doesn’t work. I want a refund.”

Me: “Sure, do you have your receipt?

Customer: *hands me a [Grocery Store] receipt*

Me: “Oh, looks like you bought this at [Grocery Store].”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “This isn’t [Grocery Store]. That’s next door.”

Customer: *angry* “Well, NOW what do I do?!”

Me: “… Go next door and get a refund?”

Customer: “Well! This is highly inconvenient!”

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His Behavior Is Not Up To Scratch

| MI, USA | Right | December 1, 2014

(I’m ringing up a customer who is purchasing a replacement copy for a game that stopped working.)

Customer: “Yeah, this game just stopped working. It looks fine, though.”

Me: “We can get you another, but let me see if we can trade the defective copy towards the new copy.”

(I look the disc over, which has been scratched beyond belief, the is even marks around the center of the disc as if someone were trying to carve circles around it with a razor, but didn’t have a steady hand.)

Me: “It looks like someone intentionally scratched it to a point where it is not repairable.”

Customer: “That’s fine, we bought it at another store a week ago.”

Me: “We won’t be able to exchange it, if something like that happens to this copy.”

(I grab our last copy of the game for him, which he inspects.)

Customer: “Why would you even try to sell this. This looks like garbage.”

Me: “Sir, there’s just a fingerprint on it. It’s in far better condition than the one you had.”

Customer: “Well, you’d best find another one, because I won’t buy this.”

(After cleaning the fingerprint off and replacing the disc back in this case he purchased it and left. He returned a week later with a copy in the same condition as the one he was originally replacing. Turns out his kid was carving into the discs with a knife, and he had brought the kid in to make him pay $50 for the last copy, and pay his father back by trading his other games. Sweet justice.)

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Customers Like To Give You A Pizza Their Dirty Mind

| MI, USA | Right | December 1, 2014

(I and two other coworkers are on break in back room, having some pizza, when another coworker comes to grab some pizza. Everyone else is already sitting down and eating so he remains standing, eats some, and exclaims:)

Coworker: “This is sooo good. I could eat this every day.”

(After which I hear someone add on to that saying:)

Passer By: “Just like sex.”

(Everyone else continues eating and doesn’t say anything, until my coworker standing at the table asks:)

Coworker: “Did anyone else hear that guy?”

Me: “Yeah, the one that said ‘just like sex’?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I thought I was the only one who heard him.”

Me: “That’s what I thought, too.”

(We burst out laughing, then promptly close the doors so random creepers would stop eavesdropping or contributing creepiness.)

Happy Hypocritical Holidays!

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Right | December 1, 2014

(I’m waiting for a supermarket to open. It’s a public holiday and so the opening hours are a bit different to normal.)

Lady: “Why is it taking so long to open?”

Me: “It’s a public holiday. They open later than normal.”

Lady: “But it’s a Monday! They should be opening at regular time. I’ve been here almost an hour!”

Me: “So you’re going to work today?”

Lady: “Pfft, no, it’s a holiday. No one works on holidays.”

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