Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century

| FL, USA | Right | July 23, 2014

(I’m working in the deli section of my store part-time and studying computer science at a local university. Tomorrow I have an exam and it’s making it hard to concentrate at work, as the elderly woman I’m serving notices.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. I said I wanted the smoked ham, not the honey ham.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little distracted. Smoked ham coming right up.”

Customer: “You really should pay closer attention to your work.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have an exam tomorrow and it’s a little hard to concentrate.”

Customer: “You look a little old to still be in high school.”

Me: “I’m not in high school. I’m studying computer science at [University].”

Customer: “[University]? Oh, no, no, no. That won’t do at all.”

Me: *stopping slicing* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, you need to leave that university right away. You’re not smart enough to go to college.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “If you were, you wouldn’t be working here. Besides, God ordained you to be part of the servant class. The purpose of your life is to serve the good people, like me.”

(My jaw is hanging open.)

Customer: “You need to invest yourself totally in your work here. This is what people like you were meant for. You should never try to rise above your station. You’ll make God very angry.”

Me: “…well. I’m just going to step away from my ‘station’ for a moment. [Coworker], could you give me a hand here? I really need to step out.”

(I walked into the cooler, closed the door all the way, and didn’t come back until the customer had gone and I had calmed down.)

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A Muddied Understanding

| CA, USA | Right | July 23, 2014

(I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

Me: “Mud baths?”

Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

Not Cut Out For This Job

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | July 23, 2014

(It’s almost the end of a very long shift at the sample table and I’m exhausted. I guess I’ve just started to shut down, because I’m quiet and sort of zoned, but when I see a customer approaching I start back up.)

Me: “Hi, would you like to try any samples today?”

Customer: *leaps about a foot into the air* “I thought you were one of those cardboard people!”

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Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Right | July 23, 2014

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Three days ago the yarn was $1 and now it’s $3.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why isn’t it $1?”

Me: “Because it was on sale, but the sale ended yesterday.”

Customer: *annoyed, hands on her hips* “Why did it do that?!”

(I start laughing until I realize she’s dead serious. I quickly stop and look at her blankly.)

Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do. They… end.”

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Stupidity Is On Fire Today

| TN, USA | Right | July 23, 2014

(I and my brother work in a motel. We use traditional metal keys instead of the card keys you often see these days. The locks are old and sometimes door locks can be reluctant to open and you have to jiggle them a little. One day an angry man comes in while we’re working.)

Customer: “My key doesn’t work! It won’t turn in the lock!”

Brother: “Yes, sir, sometimes the keys can do that. Try this one.”

(My brother hands him another key. The customer comes back in shortly thereafter.)

Customer: “The key you gave me didn’t work either!”

Brother: “All right, sir. Let me take another one down there and try to unlock the door for you.”

(My brother goes to the man’s room with him with both keys he had and yet another one. Upon testing all three keys, not one of them gives him any issue at all opening the door. Nonetheless, my brother leaves the newest key with him and tells him that if he has any more trouble, to come back to the office. Later that day, surely enough the man returns.)

Customer: “YOUR D*** KEYS STILL DON’T WORK! I can’t believe this s***! What if there was a fire?!”

(My brother and I look at one another trying not to laugh, to which I respond.)

Me: “Well, sir… if there were a fire, I hope you would be trying to get out of the motel, not in.”

(The customer looks back at us, turns red-faced, and calms down after that. We take him back to his room and let him in once more. After that we don’t hear from him again.)

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