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May The Customers Be Ever In Your Favor

, | Auckland, NZ | Uncategorized

(I work at a very busy fast food chain, so we often take our customers’ names and call them to the counter when their food is ready.)

Me:” Your name please, ma’am?”

Customer: “Primrose Everdeen.”

Me: “Thank you, could you please wait by the window? We’ll call you up when your meal is ready.”

(At this point, I’m thinking that this customer is a bit strange, but I let it pass. A few minutes pass.)

Coworker: “Primrose Everdeen.”

Customer: “I volunteer!”

Related:
May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

Good Morning To Irony

| USA | Language & Words

(I work for a bookstore that publishes a yearly book of children’s stories. The store has these books on display near the cash registrars.)

Customer: *reads the title out loud*Say Good Night to Literacy.”

Me: “Actually, it is ‘illiteracy’. The writing is a little funky, and a lot of people have been reading it as literacy.”

Customer’s Friend: “What does ‘illiteracy’ even mean?”

Customer: “It means you can’t read.”

Our Faith In Humanity Is Sinking

| Fort Nelson, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, History, Movies & TV

(I hear two younger girls—maybe 16 or 17—in the hallway talking right outside my office. One of the girls sees a poster on the wall that has something to do with the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.)

Girl #1: “Oh, wow, it’s been 100 years since the Titanic sank. I didn’t know it had been that long.”

Girl #2: “Really? Leonardo DiCaprio sure doesn’t look that old! He must have a lot of work done…”

Discussing Green Cards Until You’re Red In The Face

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a drug store as a photo tech. Part of my job is taking passport photos. I take the photo then run it through a software program to ensure it meets standards for a passport photo. I have no leeway on the size of the photo. I cannot make it smaller or larger.)

Customer: “I need a Green Card photo.”

Me: “I can’t do Green Card photos.”

Customer: “But I need a Green Card photo.”

(He speaks pretty decent English, and his accompanying wife speaks flawless English.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not even sure where you would go for that. It needs to be taken in a very specific way and I don’t have the software to do a Green Card photo.”

Customer: “Just take the photo!”

Me: “I can take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be the right size.”

Customer: “Take the photo!”

Me: “I’ll take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be what you need.”

(The customer speaks to his wife in their native language.)

Customer’s Wife: “Shut up, she knows what she’s doing.”

Me: “I actually don’t, because we don’t do Green Card photos and I assure you, this is not going to be what you need. This photo will be too large to use.”

Customer’s Wife: “You’ll do fine, dear.”

(I take the photo, explain to them again it will not be what they need. At their insistence, I process the photo and tell them as it develops it will not be what they need. I hand the finished product over.)

Customer: “It’s not the right size!”

Me:” I know. I do not have the capability to do a proper Green Card photo. This is the smallest photo I can make for you.”

Customer: “It’s too big!” *brandishes credit card at me, mistaking it for Green Card* “This size, this size!”

(I decide to make one last attempt at explaining this before I call my manager, who I love but I know is having a bad day.)

Me: “I do not have Green Card specification software. The only identification photos I can take accurately are passport photos. My computer is not capable of making a Green Card photo.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, why the h*** didn’t you just tell me that?!”

Me: “I did, love. Five separate times. Have a great day, folks!”

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