This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

Me: “They do, sir.”

Guest: “Not well enough!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

Truthfully, He’s Totally Peanuts

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My primary job at this store is cashier; however, today is my first day hanging tags. I begin in the organic and bulk sections when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I’m so glad you’re here [My Name]. You see, [My Name], it’s been a while since I’ve been in here, and I’m so glad that you have a bulk section. You see, [My Name], I love those peanut clusters. I would love to buy a bag of them, but I think it’s only right that I could sample them. So what do you say, [My Name]? Will you let me sample the wonderful peanut clusters?”

Me: “Uhm, I’m not really the person you should be asking…”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], then you and I shall go together. [My Name], we will find the truth. I am a man of honesty. I honestly do want to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample it. I’ve been to other [Store] and I fell in love with the peanut clusters. But I just have to know, [My Name]. I just have to know if they are the same wonderful peanut clusters.”

(The customer leans forward, pulling open his shirt pocket. Inside are flower petals.)

Customer: “I have eight of these petals. I give one to you, [My Name]. Because it represents the truth that we will find.”

(I look around. Not seeing anyone from produce nearby, I begin to lead him to the front end where the front-end supervisor or the service desk clerks could call someone, or maybe even run into a manager on the way there.)

Customer: “I don’t see [Manager] anywhere. She’s usually here. And I’m glad [Produce Employee] isn’t here. [Produce Employee] is a [homophobic slur]. He’s a nice guy, [My Name], but he’s a [homophobic slur].”

(We reach the service desk. My coworker talks to the customer.)

Coworker: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “You see, [Coworker], [My Name] and I wanted to know the truth. Your lovely peanut clusters over there, I’ve had some at another store, and they were most wonderful. But you see, [Coworker], I want to know the truth if they are the same delicious peanut clusters as the others. I would love to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample one. [Coworker], do you know the truth that [My Name] and I are trying to learn?”

(My coworker glances at me nervously.)

Coworker: “Uh…” *pointing to grocery manager nearby* “He’s the one you need to talk to.”

(Overhearing us, the manager comes up to the service desk, followed by the front end supervisor.)

Customer: “[My Name], will you please tell [Manager] about the truth we wish to learn. We need to learn the truth.”

Manager: “I don’t have time for the truth.”

Customer: “You hear that, [My Name]? [Manager] has no time for the truth!”

Manager: “I’m afraid of the truth.”

Me: “He just wanted to know if—”

Customer: “No. I’m done here. He has no time for the truth.”

(The customer left, and the manager went back to work as if nothing happened.)

I Am More Than The Sum

| UK | At The Checkout, Math & Science, School

(I’m working a register during the busy Christmas season. I’m coming towards the end of a 12-hour shift when a man comes to my till.)

Me: “Okay, sir. That will be [price].”

Customer: “Can I pay part with cash and the rest on my card?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have to process the card first, so how much do you have in cash?”

Customer: “[Amount].”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be…”

(I try to work out how much remains after subtracting his cash from the price, but my brain is just fried and I can’t think.)

Me: “That’ll be… erm…”

Customer: *sighs angrily* “It’ll be [other amount] on my card!”

Me: “Right you are, sir. Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.”

Customer: *mumbles about me being an idiot*

(Once the customer has paid, he goes to leave. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “You know, you are useless. Can’t even do simple calculations without needing a calculator. No wonder you’re working in a shop!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m coming to the end of a long shift of overtime, due to the busy season. Plus I’m a little tired after being up all night studying for my post grad molecular and microbiology final tomorrow. I hope you’ll understand.”

(The customer went red and shut his mouth quickly. He ran off without so much as an apology!)