This Problem Can’t Get Licked

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

(I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

(The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

Focaccia, I Choose You

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a Pikachu.”

Me: *confused* “Pardon me?”

Customer: “A Pikachu! A Pikachu!” *points at the menu, where it says ‘focaccia’*

Me: “Right, one Pikachu…”

1 Thumbs
1,413
VOTES

Cult-ivating Ignorance

| Hilliard, OH, USA | Bigotry, Religion

(I managed a family-owned bookstore that caters to Mormons. We have people come in weekly to pick fights with us, and by this time I was use to being called about every name in the book.)

Customer: “You have a lot of pictures of Jesus in here. Is this a Christian book store?”

Me: “Yes, we cater to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

Customer: “Church of Christ you say? Cool, okay.” *wanders off*

(About 10 minutes later he comes back, confused.)

Customer: “Why do you have the Book of Mormon in your store?”

Me: “It is one of our Holy books, along with the Bible.”

Customer: “Is this a Mormon store?”

Me: “Yes, the LDS Church is one of the branches of the Mormon religion.”

Customer: “Aren’t you a cult?”

Me: “No, were just another kind of Christian, like Catholics or Protestants but with our own beliefs that set us apart.”

Customer: “No, you are a cult.”

Me: “Cults generally follow one leader, and our leader is Jesus Christ. So, if you want to say following Jesus makes one in a cult then you may be right.”

Customer: “You follow Jesus, you say? Is this the Jesus you follow in the pictures on the wall?” *points to an image of Christ overlooking Jerusalem*

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, you are a cult then. That Jesus looks too perfect.”

Me: *confused* “We do believe that Jesus, as the Son of God, is perfectly perfect.”

Customer: “No, that’s a lie. Jesus can’t be perfect. Only God is perfect.”

Me: “Yes, and we believe that Jesus is God.”

Customer: “Wait, you worship Jesus?”

Me: “Um… yes.”

Customer:Real Christians don’t worship Jesus. You are a cult!” *storms out*

1 Thumbs
1,892
VOTES

Slightly Accented Hair

| NY, USA | Canada, Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I have lilac hair with blue tips. I also wear light grey contacts, and I have slight Irish accent.)

Customer: “Oh my, such pretty hair you have!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Customer: “Is it natural?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Like, were you born with that hair color? That’s so peculiar!”

Customer’s friend: “That’s not the only thing peculiar about her! Look at her eyes, they’re so big and grey!”

Me: “Oh, they’re just contact lenses.”

Customer’s Friend: “Look, she’s even speaking with a weird accent! You must not be from here! Are you from Canada?”

Customer and her Friend: *simultaneously* “Ah, Canadians!”

Bags Of Laughs

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(It’s been a long night, with a higher than average number of annoying customers. A couple comes through the till.)

Wife: “Oh, no. Don’t put the chips with the pop! It’ll get crushed.”

Husband: “Geez, don’t put the chips with the bread.”

Wife: “Oh, and keep the pickles away from the cans.”

Husband: “Can you double bag everything?”

(I finally sort through their numerous demands, they pay and leave. The next customer and last in line is buying just a few things, and has listened to the previous conversation.)

Customer: “Oh… can you put the bacon in a separate bag from the chips and pop?”

(I do.)

Customer: “Oh, and can you separate the chips and pop?”

(I do.)

Customer: “Can you double bag everything? It’s all pretty heavy, you know.”

(I stare, not sure if he’s serious.)

Customer: “And, can you put the receipt in a separate bag?”

(I smile at this point, and he laughs; it’s clear he was just joking. Everything goes in one bag. From this point on, ‘put the receipt in a separate bag’ becomes a euphemism for anyone making a series of ridiculous requests.)

1 Thumbs
2,681
VOTES
Page 1,670/3,089First...1,6681,6691,6701,6711,672...Last