Time To Start Screening The Tourists

| Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

Me: “…A paint store?”

Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

Demanding To A Fault

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Crazy Requests

(This happens two days after New Zealand suffered a major earthquake. Most of the central city is a Red Zone with people still trapped in buildings; there is absolutely no access allowed. There are a lot of phone lines out due to breakages, and our technicians are working heaps of extra hours. Everyone is under huge stress.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company] Faults Service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My phone isn’t working. I need a technician.”

Me: “Right, I’m sure I can help you with that. Firstly, where are you?”

Caller: “I’m in Christchurch.”

Me: “Okay. We’ve had considerable disruption of our Christchurch services due to the earthquake. Our technicians are not available for callouts at the moment, unfortunately. I can give you an idea of when the service might be restored, though.”

Caller: “I live at [address in the middle of the Red Zone]. I need you to get a technician to come out now.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t do that. That address is in the Red Zone, and we aren’t allowed access.”

Caller: “But I was allowed in. You should be too. I need my phone to work!”

Me: “Well, you’re a resident, ma’am. You have special dispensation to go into the Red Zone.

Caller: “But I need my phone to work! I need it for my business! Get a technician out, now!”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, ma’am. We can’t access your address, and our technicians are flat-tack busy at the moment trying to restore services.”

Caller: “This is terrible service! I should have gone with [other company]! They guarantee a technician within an hour!”

Me: “Ah, so do we, ma’am. But this is extreme circumstances, and—”

Caller: “Don’t you give me excuses! I want a technician, NOW!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s simply not possible. We will restore service as soon as we can, but right now we can’t send out a technician to help you.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll be calling back again when I get back from Auckland! Maybe I’ll get better service then!”

Me: “…Auckland?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m going to go stay with my relatives. Don’t you know there’s been an earthquake?!”

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

Guest: “Excuse me?”

Ride Operator: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “Where’s the VIP line of this ride?”

Ride Operator: *confused* “VIP line for what, sir?”

Guest: “For us, the Americans. Where’s the VIP line for the Americans?”

Ride Operator: “We don’t have a VIP line sir for Americans… or anyone.”

Guest: *huffs* “Well, you should!”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

Good Money Drive-Thrus Out Bad

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money, Top

(I am working drive-thru at a major coffee shop chain. Every once in awhile, customers will “pay it forward” by paying for the order of the vehicle behind them. This is a happy surprise for the next customer, and usually causes them to pay for the order of the next vehicle and so on. We’re currently in the middle of a “pay it forward” chain when the following customer pulls up at the window.)

Me: “Hello, your total is $3.49, but the car in front of you has already paid for it.”

Customer: “What the f***?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s been going for 11 cars in a row. You can pay it forward if you’d like to keep the good deed going. No pressure, though.”

Customer: “F*** that! I’ll pay for my own coffee. Not paying for some clown behind me!”

Me: “Not a problem. Your order has been paid for. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said I am paying for it! This is such a scam getting people to pay for others. You’re what’s wrong with the world today, you know!”

Me: “I’m sorry for trying to give you your order for free.”

Customer: “That’s right, and don’t you DARE use my money to pay for the person behind me, you punk!”

(The customer peels away. As for their money, I used it to keep the chain going, which lasted for another 14 vehicles.)

The Customer Is Not Always Righteous

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I’m manager on duty tidying up. One of my coworkers walks up to me.)

Coworker #1: “I have a customer who doesn’t want to pay her late fees because she’s ‘righteous’.”

(Baffled, I follow my coworker up to the register and see the customer. Immediately, she speaks to me.)

Customer: “I shouldn’t pay because I’m righteous.”

Me: “I’m… sorry? What happened?”

Customer: “I’m righteous. It’s not right for you to charge me.”

Me: “I’m showing your movie was returned two days after it was due. It was five days, but you had it out for a full week.”

Customer: “You’re not being righteous. I’m righteous. I’m busy out spreading the word of God. I didn’t have time to bring it back. I was being righteous. This isn’t right of you!”

Me: “That’s very good of you, but unfortunately the fees are valid. I’m afraid you will need to pay it in total if you want to rent today. I can’t take it off.”

Customer: “No, I’m a righteous person. You need to do the right thing. This isn’t right of you!”

Me: “Actually, since you knew the due date and that we charge fees, you know that the charge is valid. It wouldn’t be righteous of you to not pay a fee you knowingly incurred.”

Customer: “No, no. I am righteous! This is YOU not doing the right thing.”

(Coworker #2 has been awkwardly standing at his own till with a slight smile frozen in place this whole time. Eventually, the customer notices him.)

Customer: *to Coworker #2* “Don’t you laugh at me. I’m righteous, young man!”

Coworker #1: “He wasn’t laughing at you, ma’am. We’re a very happy crew.”

(The customer glares at Coworker #2 for a while before deciding to pay up and rent, muttering the whole time. The only audible word is “righteous.” Before leaving, she has one more thing to say.)

Customer: “Tell them it’s not righteous. I know it’s not your choice, but it’s not right to do this to me when I’m righteous!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will. Have a good night.”

(Not surprisingly, the customer didn’t return her movies two weeks later, even after repeated attempts to get a hold of her. She ‘righteously’ kept merchandise that didn’t belong to her!)

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