On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 2

| New York, USA | Bigotry, Top

(Note: My coworker (who is flamboyantly homosexual) and I are the only two people working at the time.)

Coworker: “Hey ya, how’re you doing today? Is there anything we can help you find?”

Customer: “Leave me alone.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

Customer: “I said leave me alone!”

(While the customer browses, I head to the back to get some categorizing done. I come back at the request of my coworker, only to hear the customer yelling.)

Customer: “I will NOT be serviced by some f****t! You people are gonna burn in h***, and I don’t want you taking me down with you!”

Coworker: *on the verge of tears* “Sir, I’m really just trying to—”

Customer: *points to me* “HIM! Let HIM help me! Ain’t no f****t gonna handle my records! You, there! With the beard! Come help me, please!”

(Instead of helping the customer, I wrap my arm around my coworker’s shoulder. Note that I’m not gay.)

Me: “Is my boyfriend unable to help you with your transaction, sir?”

Customer: *looks horrified and sprints out of the store*

Related:
On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

You Just Got Schooled

, | Chicago, IL, USA | School

(This happens to a coworker after having an issue with an order.)

Customer: “That took long enough. This is why you should have gone to college!”

Coworker: “I’m only 16.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have dropped out, then!”

Coworker: “I didn’t. I’m still in school.”

Customer: “I… uh… have a nice day.” *leaves embarrassed*

Related:
Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style
Pantzilla Gets Schooled

Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(An older visitor and his wife approach me at a public swimming pool.)

Visitor: “How deep is your pool?”

Me: “It ranges from 3 feet to 12 feet.”

Visitor: “So the water surface isn’t level?!”

Me: “No, the water gradually gets deeper, but the surface of the water stays level.”

Visitor: “That can’t be right! If the water is deeper in some areas than others, the surface can’t be level!”

(Unsure of how to explain it without sounding patronizing, I tell him to just go look at the water. A few minutes later, he leaves without a word. His wife follows.)

Visitor’s Wife: *laughing* “I think he gets it now…”

Related:
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

Her Bark Is As Bad As Her Bite

, | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I usually work in the drive-thru of our store.  At least once a day, often twice, a regular customer comes through. We all recognise her car.  She has a chihuahua that sits on her lap that snaps at us whenever we reach near the car.)

Coworker: “It’s her again. Please, will you hand out her coffee? I’m so scared of that dog!”

(I walk to the window and hold the regular’s food out, but far enough from her car that the dog can’t get close to me.)

Me: “Good morning!  Here’s your food, and I’ll just grab your coffee. ”

(I hold out the coffee, again further away from her car than normal. Suddenly, the dog lunges and almost bites my hand. I accidentally drop the coffee as I jump back, away from her and the dog.)

Customer: *to her dog* “My poor darling, my baby! Oh, are you okay? Did the mean lady scare you? Did she burn you with the hot coffee?” *to me* “If you burnt my dog, I’ll get your stupid a** fired!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I’ll replace your coffee right away, but just a suggestion: perhaps this wouldn’t happen if you sat your dog in the passenger’s seat?”

Customer: “The nerve you have, thinking you know how to look after my precious little pumpkin! She’s MY dog, not yours! MUMMA KNOWS WHAT’S BEST!”

(I quickly grab the coffee, and hold it as far away from her and the dog as I can.)

Customer: *snatches her drink and drives off*

Coworker: *to me* “Sorry!”

Needs To Get Put In Her Place

| PA, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

(I work at a hardware store in the lawn and garden area. On request, I go to help an aging couple out with some decorative rocks)

Husband: “Thank you very much!”

Wife: “Don’t thank him! That’s what they’re here for.”

Me: *smiles awkwardly* “How many bags do you need?”

Wife: “Eight.”

Me: “Alright, let me get that for you.”

(I begin loading the cart with the bags; each weighs around 60lbs.)

Wife: *to her husband* “See? This is why you go to [store name]. They have people who know their place.”

Me: *finishes loading* “Anything else?”

Wife: “Yes, take it out to the cashier and then load it into the car.”

Me: *takes the cart out*

Wife: *to her husband* “See? Well behaved and responds to direct commands, like they should!”

Me: *finishes loading their car after check out*

(The husband looks around shiftily after his wife enters the car, and surprisingly tries to force money into my hand.)

Husband: “I’m so sorry!”

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