Moving Not Improving

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am waiting at the DMV to transfer my out-of-state license. Things are moving relatively smoothly until a gentleman of about 65-70 years old is called to the window.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to renew my license.”

Employee: Alright, sir.” *takes his paperwork* “And are you still living at the address on your current license?”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m going to be moving within the month.”

Employee: “Okay. Well, I can see that your license is still valid for a little over a month, so you can just wait to renew it until you move. If we renew it for you today, then in couple weeks when you move, you will have to contact the state to change the address, and then come to us for a new printed license, which will cost you $5.”

Customer: “But, I just want to renew my license.”

Employee: “Yes, and we can do that for you, but as I said, you will then have to go through the hassle of contacting the state when you move and paying more money for a new license. If you are moving within the month, your current license will still be valid, so you might want to wait until then.”

Customer: “No, I just want to do it today.”

Employee: “Alright then… and you do understand that it will cost you $5 to get a new license when you move?”

Customer: “Yes, yes.”

(The employee obliges and they go through the eye test, photo, etc. They are finally finished.)

Customer: “So, what happens when I move?”

It Pays to Be Not Always Right

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “Coke.”

Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE.”

Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE!”

Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

Cashier: “There we go!”

Apps Never Have An Off Day

| HI, USA | Technology

(I am helping a customer become familiar with his new product by showing him how to turn it on and off.)

Me: “If you press and hold the button on the top right hand corner of the device, you’ll see an icon on the screen that you can slide to turn it off.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought they would have an app for that.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “They have apps for everything else, so why not for turning it off? That seems silly.”

Me: “Well, how would you turn it back on if it’s off and you can’t use the screen to get apps?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I thought it was clever!”

Taming The Feral Customers

| Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

(I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

(I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

(At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

(I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

(Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

Mother: “Call security!”

(Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

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Weekly Roundup: Tech Support Classics, Part 3

Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology

Tech Support Classics, Part 3: This week, we feature another five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily! PS–also check out Part 2 and Part 1!

  1. Flipping Out:
    If gramma “flips” out over tech, “switch” things up with the grandson! (6,425 Thumbs Up)
  2. How About Some TechiFlu:
    Warning: spraying for computer bugs definitely does not compute. (2,970 Thumbs Up)
  3. Bad Data, Good Outcome:
    Helping stubborn clients requires a little song and USB cable dance! (4,627 Thumbs Up)
  4. You Are The Weakest Link:
    A caller gets a power-ful lesson in the basics of electricity. (2,753 Thumbs Up)
  5. The Router To Success, Part 2:
    There’s a $100, two-hour reason why tech support always asks you to check your cables first! (2,456 Thumbs Up!)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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