Bartenders Are Good Listeners, But Not That Good

| England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I’m at the pub where my little brother works. A man wanders in and just stares at my brother behind the bar.)

Brother: “Can I help you?”

Man: *continues to stare*

Brother: “Hello? What can I get you?”

Man: “How much will that be?”

Brother: “You haven’t actually ordered yet. What would you like?”

Man: *stares more intently*

Brother: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not psychic.”

Man: “Really? Oh, I’ll have a rum and coke then, please.”

Getting Chesty About The Law

| Rio de Janeiro, Brazil | Criminal & Illegal, Rude & Risque, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I’m an American married to a Brazilian, and I spend several months a year in Brazil. I work at a beachside stall serving beer and snacks. A pair of American tourists are in front of me, and the woman is topless, which is strictly illegal in Brazil, but many assume otherwise.)

Man: “Hi. Two cervezas and, uh, some chips. You got chips?”

Server: *in Portuguese* “Ma’am, you can’t be topless here! The police could arrest you. You need to cover up.”

Woman: “What are you talking about? I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “Lady, he’s telling you that you need to cover up.”

Woman: “What? Like h*** I do. This is Brazil!”

Me: “Yeah, a Catholic country that bans public nudity. You can be arrested.”

Man: “F*** off. This is Brazil. People go topless on the beach all the time.”

Me: “Well, look around at the beach. You’re the only woman in sight without a top on.”

Woman: “Mind your d*** business.” *they walk off in a huff*

Server: “I wonder if they noticed that they’re about to walk right past three police cars?”

Me: “Probably not.”

(I stood there, sipping my beer, and watched as the woman was cited for public nudity.)

Natural Medicine Versus Naturist Medicine

| GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work for a local orthopedic surgeon. One of my jobs is to remove post-op braces and put casts on. I’m a young woman; the patient is a 19-year old man.)

Me: “Okay, sir. You’ll be in room three. I need to go get some supplies, but go on and sit on the exam table. Make yourself comfortable.”

(The patient nods and hops up on the table. I cut the splint off his leg. We request patients wear gym shorts so we don’t have to cut their jeans. I walk out to get supplies and close the door. When I return, I knock twice and open the door. He’s laid out on the table, naked, and playing with his PSP.)

Me: “Um, sir? I didn’t need you to remove your clothes.”

Patient: “What? You told me to get comfortable!”