Best To Try To Rise Above It

, | Portland, ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I am in the middle of a health scare involving my lungs, and my doctor has told me not to use the stairs for more than one flight. I need to be on the fourth floor, so I am waiting for the elevator when a patron storms up to me.)

Patron: “Excuse me! I don’t know if you read the sign, but it clearly says that this elevator is for handicapped people. Not people who are just too lazy to use the stairs.”

Me: “…I beg your pardon?”

Patron: “You need to leave the elevator for the people who really need it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need the elevator.”

Patron: “That’s bulls***.”

Me: “Look, lady. One of my LUNGS is not functioning right now, and my doctor has told me that I’m not allowed to take the stairs.”

Patron: “Your doctor is too easy on you!”

Beware Of Customers Bearing Gifts

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Top

(I am working as a cashier during the holiday rush. One of my jobs is to ask each customer if they would like a gift card or gift receipts with their purchase. I have just finished ringing up a woman and have moved on to her boyfriend, who only has one item: pants, clearly for himself.)

Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

Customer: “Good. You?”

Me: “Good thanks. Would you like any gift cards or gift re—”

Customer: “No, man. I’m good. Just ring me up.”

(I nod and continue the transaction. I tell him the total. He slides his card and I press the button that prints the receipt, also clearing the transaction from on screen.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt.”

Customer: “Can I get a gift receipt?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s already too late.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Well, sir, since you already confirmed the transaction and it has gone through the system, you would have to return the item and re-buy it to allow me to get to the gift receipt option.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? What happens if the pants don’t fit and I need to return them?”

Me: “We do offer a 30-day return policy. All you need is the original receipt, which I just gave you.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! What happens if it takes me longer than thirty days to decide if they fit?”

(Before the customer gets anymore worked up, his girlfriend jumps in.)

Girlfriend: “Don’t worry about it, honey. He asked you at the beginning of the transaction if you wanted a gift receipt. You said no. Now you have to deal with it. Now let’s go before you gotta walk out of this store single.”

Mr. Tambourine Can

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a music store that sells musical instruments and sheet music. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Music Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. Do you have a ten-inch tambourine?”

Me: “We might. Just a minute, I’ll go check.”

(I come back to the phone holding the requested item.)

Me: “Hello. Yes, we do have one in stock.”

Caller: “So can you tell me how big it is?”

Me: “Um… It’s ten inches.”

(There’s a moment of silence, and then I realize that it’s a somewhat valid question as the caller may not know how tambourines are measured: diameter, circumference or radius… although the latter two would be pretty strange, I think. Still, I give him the benefit of the doubt and add:)

Me: “… in diameter.”

Caller: “So, is that like, the size of the lid on a paint can?”

Me: “I don’t know. Is it a ten-inch paint can?”