His Humor Is A Bit Rusty

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | May 22, 2014

(A patient arrives at the reception desk with some paperwork.)

Patient: “So, what do I do with this?”

Me: “This is for some bloodwork. You need to take it to the lab, but you need to have been fasting. That means you can’t eat or drink anything but water for 12 hours before you get your blood drawn.”

Patient: “Oh, I never drink water. It makes me rust!”

(The patient then walks away like a robot going ‘squeak, squeak.’ Thank you, sir, for making me laugh! I’d had a crazy day and really needed it!)

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A Vast Ocean Of Ignorance

| Newport, KY, USA | Right | May 22, 2014

(I’m an aquarium employee. As I’m standing in the coral reef tunnel, a few high school age kids walk up near me, looking up at the fish.)

Me: “Good afternoon, guys! Enjoying the aquarium?”

Teen #1: “Yeah…” *to his friends, pointing at the tank* “Hey, check out the puffer fish!”

Teen #2: “Oh, cool!” *to me* “Does it ever puff up?”

Me: “It’s pretty used to people, and there are no predators in there, so it wouldn’t puff itself up unless maybe a diver were to startle or threaten it in the tank.”

Teen #1: “Can you startle it and make it puff up for us?”

Me: *wondering how or why I would even do that* “No…”

Teen #2: *suddenly forgetting the puffer and pointing instead at the cownose stingrays in the tank* “Hey! Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Teen #1, Teen #3, & Me: “What?!”

Teen #2: “Isn’t that what killed Davy Crockett?”

Me: “Uh… no. I’m pretty certain he died at the Alamo in the 19th century…” *thinks for a bit* “Did you mean Steve Irwin?”

Teen #2: “Yeah! Same thing.”

Me: “Not really…”

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Unaware Of How Unaware He Is

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Right | May 21, 2014

(I work at a hotel that accommodates a lot of business travelers during the week. Shortly after checking in a sharply dressed executive type, I get a call from his room.)

Guest: “Hey, I think your sink is broken. I keep waving my hand in front of the sensor and nothing’s happening.”

Me: “There is no sensor, sir. Just turn the faucet on.”

Guest: “Oh! Okay, great! And I can just use these towels to dry my hands, right?”

Me: “Um… absolutely.”

Guest: “Great! Thanks!”

(A few minutes later he calls down again.)

Guest: “Hi there! Just curious. Is this remote for the TV or something else?”

Me: “It’s for the TV, sir. There should be a list there of local and premium channels as well.”

Guest: “Oh good! Just wanted to make sure.”

(And in another few minutes…)

Guest: “Hi, sorry to bother you again but I’m expecting a phone call in a little bit. When the phone rings, do I just pick up or…?”

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Crazily Honest

| USA | Right | May 21, 2014

(The store I work at is about a block from a mental health services office. We often see their clients in the store and know that some can be a bit eccentric.)

Me: “Hi. How are you today?”

Customer: “Not bad for a crazy guy but as long as I take my meds, I’m okay.”

Me: “Well, there’s something to be said for honesty…”

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Thinking Way Outside The Box

| USA | Right | May 21, 2014

(It was getting to the end of the day at the bank. One of my tellers and a banker are in the drive-thru, starting to pack things up, when a customer pulls into one of the farthest lanes from the building.)

Customer: “I need to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “Sure thing. I can let one of the bankers know that you will be coming in to get into your box.”

Customer: “No. I’m not coming in. I just want to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “Well the safe deposit boxes are inside. They are inside the vault. The only way to get in the box is to go in the vault.”

Customer: “I know. I told you I am not coming inside. I just need to get into my safe deposit box.”

Teller: “How are you going to get your box out of the vault that is inside if you don’t come inside? Bank employees don’t have access to the safe deposit boxes because they contain your property. YOU have the key.”

Customer: “LOOK I TOLD YOU I’M NOT COMING INSIDE. ARE YOU GOING TO GET MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX OR NOT?!”

Teller: “Seriously?”

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