Not Two Bright

| Texas, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I work in a Mexican restaurant where I host and take to-go orders. We have a special on the menu where you can get a plate of 1-4 items (a dollar more for each item added) starting off at $9.49. A regular calls in her order.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want two of your lunch specials. I want two beef tacos on one plate and one beef taco and one beef enchilada on the other plate.”

Me: “Alright, on the first plate did you want two crispy beef tacos or soft?”

Customer: “Uhm, one crispy and one soft.”

Me: “Alright, and on the second plate did you want a soft beef taco or crispy?

Customer: *gets irritated* “UGH! CRISPY!”

Me: “Okie dokie, and what kinda sauce on the enchilada?”

Customer: “Queso. Now, can you repeat my order back so I can make sure you got it right?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I have a Combo #2 with two beef tacos, one crispy and one soft. Then I have another Combo #2 with one beef crispy taco and one beef enchilada with queso on top.”

Customer: “NO! I said TWO lunch specials!”

Me: *confused* “Yes ma’am, two combos on our lunch menu, right?”

Customer: “NO! I want two crispy beef tacos on one, two soft beef tacos on another, and one beef crispy taco and one beef enchilada on the other!”

Me: “So, you want three lunch specials?”

Customer: “NO! I want TWO!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, two plates.”

I re-write the order and repeat back her new order. She’s satisfied, so I ring up the three plates as opposed to two.)

Me: “Alrighty, your food should be ready in the next 15 minutes or so!”

Customer: “Okay!” *hangs up*

(15 minutes later, the customer arrives to pick up her order.)

Customer: “It was just the hardest having you take my order, missy!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You kept saying you wanted two plates when really it was three.”

Customer: “BECAUSE IT IS TWO! GOD!”

Me: “Alright, your total will be [price].”

(She pays, and I hand her her bag.)

Customer: *pulls out the boxes* “SEE?! TWO!” *happily walks out the door*

(The customer was holding three boxes.)

We’ll Make You As Right As Rain

| Florida, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(It’s a Friday night after the evening rush. It’s pouring rain, and generally people are more irritable if they have to be in the rain after a long day at work. Such is the case with this customer.)

Customer: *walks in* “Evenin’.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [shop name]. Did you already have an order with us?”

Customer: “No. Do you have a menu I can look at?”

Me: “Yes, I have one right here.”

(I hand her a take-home menu, but there is a large board menu above me that’s pretty obvious.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess I could’ve just looked up there, huh.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *frowning* “Agreeing with me makes you sound like you’re making fun of me.”

Me: “I would never. I value your service with us.”

Customer: “As you should.”

(15 minutes later…)

Customer: “Is my pizza done yet?”

Me: “It should be done any second now.”

Customer: “Why does it take so long? I could’ve just gone to [competitor shop name] and been home with a pizza by now.”

Me: “Well, we cook everything to order to ensure your food is always fresh.”

Customer: “Well, you haven’t done anything except fold pizza boxes. I could’ve done that for you, and you could’ve gone to make my pizza and have it to me quicker.”

Me: “There’s already a staff on the food line right now. Adding me back there wouldn’t help at all.”

(She picks up an unfolded pizza box and examines it.)

Customer: “Well, this is certainly too easy of a job. I could do it blindfolded!”

(The customer struggles with folding box, and finally gets the box folded after five minutes of toying with it. In that same time, I’ve already made a stack and am working on another set.)

Customer: “See? Too easy.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, let’s have us a challenge. I get an employee discount to use every week, and I haven’t used it yet. If you can fold an 18-set stack faster than me, I’ll add that discount to your order.”

Customer: “You’re on!”

(The customer’s food comes out. She finishes her stack, but long after I’ve completed mine. She picks up her food and begins walking to the door.)

Customer: “So much for my discount, but thank you for entertaining me. I had a pretty s***y day today, and you cheered me up, AND the rain has stopped. You’ve earned the shop a regular customer!”

A Knight In Patrolling Armor

| Costa Rica | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

(At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

Me: “…Of course!”

(The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)

This Sauce Has A Bite To It

, | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Would you like any sauces or ketchup, sir?”

Customer: “Yea, I’ll take some of that Pomeranian Sauce.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Pomeranian Sauce!”

Me: “Uh… you mean Polynesian Sauce?”

Customer: “Oh! Yeah, that’s it!”

You Just Got Schooled, Part 2

| PA, USA | School, Spouses & Partners, Top

(I’ve just moved to a small town, where the job market is even worse than most places. I’ve taken a job waiting tables at a small diner. I’m waiting on an older man and his wife when the following exchange takes place.)

Customer: “So, why didn’t you go to college?”

Me: “Um, I did.”

Customer: “Oh, didn’t make it?”

Me: “No. I graduated five years ago.”

Customer: “Well, I meant a real school… not like [local community college].”

Me: “Actually, I went to [Ivy League school].”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, that’s a good school, dear!”

Customer: “So, what are you doing here?”

Customer’s Wife: “She’s trying to take your order. So stop being a jack*** and tell the nice girl what you’d like already!”

Related:
You Just Got Schooled

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