Your Argument Just Went Up In Smoke

| BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

(A young man walks into store, grabs two energy drinks, and then comes to the till to pay. As he’s paying, a middle-aged customer comes into the store.)

Middle-aged Customer: “I can’t believe they haven’t banned those energy drinks yet! They’re so bad for you. Some kid down in the States died from them!”

Young Customer: *finishes paying and leaves*

Middle-aged Customer: “I’ll have two packs of cigarettes, please.”

Greeting Sheldon Cooper

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Bizarre

(I am greeting customers by the front entrance when an elderly man enters with his middle-aged daughter.)

Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

Customer: “Well, that entirely depends on what you mean by ‘it,’ doesn’t it?”

Me: “Um, well—”

Customer: “If by ‘it’ you mean to ask how I’m doing, well, my back is very bad today. I’ve had several surgeries on it and it is still remarkably painful.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that—”

Customer: “On the other hand, perhaps ‘it’ is a vague reference to the general state of things in this country. If that is, in fact, the case, I should point out that the current economic climate—”

Customer’s Daughter: “What he means to say is that he’s fine. Thanks for asking!” *mouths to me when he’s not looking* “I’m sorry!”

Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 8 (Not Always Romantic)

His Plan Is In The Toilet

| Orlando, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I work in a movie theater that is inside a mall. Sometimes, the mall closes their restrooms so they use our restrooms instead.)

Customer: “Can I use your bathroom?”

Me: “Sure, they are right over there.” *points to restrooms*

Customer: *walks past where I point*

Me: “Sir, you walked past the restrooms.”

Customer: “Well, I was going to use the ones in the back.”

(I realize he’s just trying to sneak into a movie.)

Me: “Well, the restrooms in the front are just as good as the ones in the back.”

(The customer groans and walks into the restroom, but leaves only after a few seconds.)

Customer: “F*** you, p****!”

Me: “Have a good day, sir!”

Accusations Wood Require Hard Proof

| Calgary, Canada | Rude & Risque, Time

(My landscaping company gets an early job at 7:45 AM at a residence. While starting on the lawn, the customer suddenly comes barging out of his house. It’s obvious that he’s just woken up.)

Customer: “DO YOU BASTARDS KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?! It’s 7:45! I said show up at 8:45!”

(Note: the customer is wearing sweat pants and has some REALLY bad morning wood going on.)

Boss: “Sir, you said 7:45. We talked about this two days ago.”

(As my boss says this, all of the workers are trying not to laugh at the customer’s morning wood.)

Customer: “Screw you! I knew what I asked for! I will show you I wrote it down!”

(A couple of moments later, he comes back out wearing an embarrassed face.)

Customer: “I got the time wrong. Sorry…” *goes back inside, still with morning wood*

A Fitting End

| Canada | Uncategorized

(Note: Our store sells a lot of larger items that don’t fit in the bags we have. Most cashiers are able to judge what can and cannot fit.)

Me: “So, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Can I get a bag for [awkwardly shaped purchase]?”

Me: “We actually don’t have any bags that would be able to fit that.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re just being lazy! Hand me that bag and I’ll make it fit!”

(I hand her the bag as requested as she mumbles about “learning respect”. She struggles to try and fit the bag over the giant box whose edges are jutting out. However, after a few minutes of struggle, she finally gives up.)

Customer: *defeated* “I’ll be paying with debit…”

Page 1,666/2,947First...1,6641,6651,6661,6671,668...Last