Time To Sign Up For Delivery By Delorean

| USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

(I’m answering the main line at a busy newspaper on a Saturday.)

Me: “[Newspaper], this is [name].”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s dark out.”

Me: “…Okay?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s… what time is it?”

Me: “It’s 10:12 p.m., sir.”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s 10:12 p.m. and I still haven’t gotten my Sunday paper.”

Me: “Sir, it’s 10:12 p.m. on Saturday. We’re still making the Sunday paper.”

Caller: “But I haven’t gotten my Sunday paper!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. That’s because it’s Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered as usual in the morning.”

Caller: “But it hasn’t arrived yet!”

Me: “It’s still Saturday night. The Sunday edition will arrive Sunday morning.”

Caller: “I haven’t gotten… oh, wait. It’s Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, then… I’ve been working nights. I’m very confused about things now. I just knew it was dark.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

Caller: “This never happened.”

Me: “Deal.”

The Diva Is Always Right, Part 2

| Plano, Texas, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at the fitting room of a large retail store. I’m folding some shirts as a little girl and her mother walk by.)

Little Girl: “Mommy, this store has no ambiance.”

Mother: “No, it doesn’t.”

Little Girl: “I want AMBIANCE!”

Mother: *ignores her*

Little Girl: “AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE!”

(The little girl kept screaming all the way out the store!)

Related:
The Diva Is Always Right

Some Customers Are Asking For It

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

Customer: “Double double.”

Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

Dub And Dubber

| Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

(An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

(The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

(With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

| Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

Me: “Okay, so plain?”

Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”

Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

Me:  “Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

(Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

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