In Need Of Some Self-Consolation

| MI, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I own a hobby game and used video game store wherein discussion of games, systems, merits, and issues is common. A pair of guys, each with their girlfriends, are in. The girls aren’t gamers but are having fun. The guys are acting like they know what they’re talking about but clearly don’t. I tolerate it for a bit before one of them is an a** toward the young woman he’s with.)

Woman: *looking at display boxes* “Which one’s better? Xbox or Playstation?”

Guy: *over-dramatically, condescendingly, with zero sarcasm* “WELL! THE PLAYSTATION OBVIOUSLY!”

Me: *less than thrilled with the condescending tone toward a legitimate question from a non-gamer* “Well, each of them have their merits.”

Guy: “Yeah, well, the Playstation is the best one! It kicks the XBox’s a**!”

Me: “It’s technically the more powerful, but people are pretty happy with the XBox’s network, especially after the Playstation network was hacked.”

Guy: “Oh yeah? Well, nobody can hack me! Someone hacks me, know what I’d do to them?”

Me: “No, they’d didn’t hack the users. They got into the network, credit cards, and accounts. Stuff like that.”

Guy: “No. You know what I’d do to them? I’d hack them back! I’d send them a Trojan horse virus!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah, I’d send them a Trojan horse virus that’ll set their computer on fire!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah. I got these two Trojan horse viruses, see. One that’ll totally wipe them out and if that doesn’t work, the other one will set their computer on fire! You know something? That virus is illegal in all 50 states except one. Michigan. And you know who wrote it? I did.”

Me: “O…kay. Right then.” *goes back to working counter*

Guy: *a little while later* “You know what I hate? People who act like they’re better than you. Like they know more than they think you do. I know stuff. I got a nursing degree from Washington State Community College!”

Me: “Yup. Sure thing…”

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Double Blush

| AZ, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I’m working near the fitting rooms in a department store one afternoon when an older lady approaches me.)

Older Lady: “Hello, dear!”

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Older Lady: “I was just wondering, dear: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I do.”

Older Lady: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush.”

Me: “Aww, thank you!”

(With a smile on her face, the older lady leaves. I wish her a nice day as she goes. Just a few seconds later, a completely different older lady appears out from between the clothes racks. She looks rather excited.)

Older Lady #2: “Oh, hello there, sweetie! I was just wondering: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Um… Yes? Yes, I do.”

Older Lady #2: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush!”

Me: “…”

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Put Them On The Wailing List

| CT, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I work in a call center as a sales agent for a local insurance agency.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name] and I’m a licensed insurance agent. I see here that you’re calling in to get a quote.”

Customer: “I certainly am not! I keep getting all you god-d*** junk mail and I want it to stop! I don’t want your stupid insurance!”

Me: “Well, I’m so sorry about that, sir. I can definitely understand how frustrating it is to have a mailbox full of junk mail. Can I have your last name, state, and zip code?”

Customer: “What the f*** do you need that for? I’m not giving you ANYTHING! Just take me off your d*** mailing list!”

Me: “Sir, in order to remove you from our mailing list, I need to find the file we’ve opened for you so we know WHERE to stop sending the mail.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! This is ridiculous! Just take me off the f****** list!”

Me: “Again, sir, I can’t stop sending mail to your address unless I actually have it and I can’t find any of your information without your last name, your state, and your zip code.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *click*

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A Feint Complaint

| London, England, UK | Right | February 13, 2014

(We’ve been really busy lately. Senior management won’t approve any extra staff, so we’ve been getting a lot of abuse from customers. Because most of them want to complain about the wait before letting us get on with fixing the problem, this just puts our wait times up further.)

Me: “I understand completely, sir. You’re right. I don’t think this is at all acceptable. I’ve been quite happy working here for the last few years, but I’m now looking for other jobs. I would, frankly, be delighted if you would put in a formal complaint to our senior management about this, because I assure you, all we want to do is fix our users issues, and instead we’re wasting a lot of our time trying to calm people down about the wait. None of us are being allowed holiday requests, we often don’t get our breaks, most of us are coming in when we’re ill, and we’re all doing overtime,. The management won’t approve any extra staff because while customers are quite happy to yell at us about it – people who, let’s be realistic, can do NOTHING about the situation – nobody seems to want to complain officially so that something might be done. About the only thing I can think of to say that might improve how you feel about the wait times is that at least you don’t work here.”

(After a brief silence, the caller outlines the problem.)

Me: “Right, so you’re having the issue mentioned on our recorded message which tells you to download the patch from our web site. I take it you’ve done so and it hasn’t resolved the issue?”

Caller: “No. They just put those messages on to get people off the phones. They never change. It’s always ‘download the patch’!”

Me: “Well, you’re right about that in a way, yes. We put those messages on so that people who have the issue mentioned don’t have to wait in a queue to be told they need to install the patch, and thereby increase the wait time for our other customers with issues that take more investigation. I assure you, the messages are changed regularly to reflect the current situation.”

Caller: “What do you know about the messages? You don’t have to listen to them!”

Me: “Actually, I do. I call every line to ensure that the message is clear right after I record them, which, incidentally, was on my lunch break yesterday. I’m surprised you don’t recognise my voice, as you’ve been listening to me for the last hour.”

(Unfortunately, the caller still didn’t put in a complaint, and we still don’t have any more staff.)

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Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8

| Helsinki, Finland | Right | February 13, 2014

(I’m a customer at a popular independent games store in Helsinki. The store is very busy at the moment. I’m third in line when a customer storms in and rushes to the counter.)

Customer: “Hey! I want my money back!”

(The cashier completely ignores him, and keeps serving the customer whose actual turn it is.)

Customer: “Hey! Nerd! I’m talking to you!”

(The cashier still ignores him and serves the next customer.)

Customer: “F****** nerd! Listen to me!”

(When I am next in line the customer tries to grab the cashier’s hand. He manages to avoid this. The cashier looks at me as if asking for permission to deal with the angry customer. I nod and the cashier finally talks to the angry customer.)

Cashier: “There is no way that you are going to get any help from me before I finish serving all these other customers who are politely waiting in line.”

Customer: “F*** that! I have a complaint and I want my money back! Serve me now or you’re going to get your a** kicked!”

(The customer is a big man and the cashier is quite small and skinny. Luckily, at 6’6″ I am even bigger, and having played hockey all my life I’m quite fit as well.)

Me: “No, he is not going to get his a** kicked.”

(The customer turns to me to yell something, but as he sees me he goes quiet. He turns to back to the cashier and continues his rant in a much calmer but still angry and derogatory tone.)

Customer: “Listen, you little s***. I want my money back from this game.”

(He waves a copy of ‘Grand Theft Auto V’.)

Cashier: “I absolutely refuse to serve you before all these other customers, who are being patient and polite. You will get service from me after everyone who acts nicer than you has been helped first.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! Now!”

Cashier: “I am the owner. Now you go to the back of the line.”

(The customer starts to say something, but I push past him in a not very gentle way. He goes to the back of the line muttering. I buy my game but decide to stay in the store until the angry customer leaves. When it’s finally his turn he slams the game on the counter.)

Customer: “Money back!”

(The cashier opens the case and looks at the game.)

Cashier: “Looks perfect to me. Why do you want your money back?”

Customer: “The game is totally inappropriate for my son! No one told me it was so violent when I bought it!”

Cashier: “I clearly remember you buying it. You had your son with you, who looked to be about 10 years old. I told you it has sex, killing, torture, crime, and drugs in it. I advised you several times not to buy it. You even told me it was for you, not your son. My guess is that the boy’s mother threw a fit after seeing the game and now you are taking it out on me. You will not get your money back. Ever. And you are not welcome in my store anymore.”

Customer: “Look here, you little—”

(I have walked to stand behind the customer. I cough and he turns to me and goes pale. He leaves without saying a word.)

Cashier: “Thanks, man!”

Me: “No problem, I love the way you handled him. Maybe a little provocative but he deserved every minute of it.”

Cashier: “He was a complete a**hole when he bought the game, and the minute I saw him today I guessed what his issue was. Customers like that are the reason I started my own store. I hate to see bullies get special treatment for acting threatening and being difficult, while all the nice customers wait. I try to be as slow and difficult as possible to customers like him. Honestly, their business is not worth it.”

(The store is still thriving. I guess there are still enough nice customers out there!)

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

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