And He Said, Fiat Lux

| Malibu, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(A guest checks into our hotel late at night. About five minutes later, he comes back to the front desk.)

Guest: “My room’s supposed to have a view of the ocean. I can’t see it. Did you put me in the wrong room?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, it is nighttime…”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “Here, I’ll move you to the other ocean view room.”

(I move the guest to the other room. Again, he comes back.)

Guest: “I still can’t see the ocean! I reserved this room specifically for the ocean view!”

Me: “I do apologize. If you still can’t see the ocean in the morning, we’ll give you a discount.”

(The guest reluctantly agrees to this and leaves in a huff. However, he does not return the next morning.)

Not Always Right: Official Android App

| Android | Xcluded

Introducing Not Always Right’s Official Android App!

Update: Now also available in a free, ad-supported version!

Easily view, share, and save all of the hilarious stories on your phone with the official app (requires Android 1.5 and up). You can even submit your own stories right from the app!

Features:
* Top stories – as voted by users just like you
* Recent stories – daily posts, straight from the site
* Random stories – practically infinite entertainment
* Saved stories – easily save your favorites stories for offline viewing
* Submit – upload your own stories right from the app
* Share – send stories to friends, family, and coworkers via Facebook, SMS, email, and more!

Get your app today!

Not Your Only Loose Connection

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Technology

Me: “Thank you for choosing [company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet’s not working.”

Me: “Okay, I can help–”

Customer: “It’s your f***ing network!”

Me: “Okay, I can see your frustra–”

Customer: “[Company] is a piece of s***!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re both people and I’d respect it if you treat me like one.”

Customer: *sigh* “Fix it.”

Me: “Your ethernet cord is unplugged.”

(The customer notices this and plugs in ethernet cord.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Please, Say No More

| Houston, TX, USA | Rude & Risque

(An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

Related:
Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

Waste Not, Want Not

| Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout

Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

(The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

(He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”