Needs To Return Up The River

| IN, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to exchange this book for this other one, please.”

Me: “I’m happy to help. Was there a problem with the book you’re returning?”

Customer: “No. It just wasn’t the right one.”

Me: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. I bought it online.”

Me: “Oh, I see. May I have your name, please?”

(The customer tells me her name and I pull up our store’s order records on the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t see anything on our records under your name. Did you order the book on someone else’s account, perhaps?”

Customer: “No. I definitely ordered it myself.”

Me: “Hmm…”

(I try everything I can think of to find a record of the transaction. After about five minutes of fruitless searching, the customer pipes up.)

Customer: “Does it make a difference that I ordered it on Amazon?”

Me: “…I’m sorry. What?”

Customer: “I bought this on Amazon. I was kinda hoping you could just take this one that I got and give me this book off your shelves.”

Me: “…No, ma’am. It doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Why not? I come in with a book, I leave with a book. You lose a book and gain a book. It all works out in the end.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have to actually buy a book from us to return it to us.”

Customer: “Oh, really?”

Good Customer Service Is A Balancing Act

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(Our store has a special sale going on. We have a nicely dressed sale table with a tablecloth and the items laid out on it. Customer #1 is approaching the counter. I am folding shirts at an adjacent table while my coworker rings up Customer #2, who has a young baby on her shoulder. We have seen her feeding her baby with a bottle while browsing the store. As they’re checking out, the baby suddenly starts spitting up. It miraculously doesn’t land on the mother’s clothing at all. However, it does go all over the floor, down the side of the tablecloth and gets on at least five DVDs and about ten books. It narrowly misses Customer #1.)

Customer #2: *spins around, takes in the mess, and hurries out the door*

(My coworker, Customer #1, and I stare at each other and the table in shock.)

Customer #1: “The nerve of some people. That’s disgusting!”

(I’m so flabbergasted that I can’t help but laugh.)

Me: “Well, guess I should clean that up then.”

Customer #1: “Do you want some help?”

Me: “No, it’s fine. Guess all that babysitting finally comes in handy here!”

Customer #1: “Are you sure, dear? That was so incredibly rude. I couldn’t imagine making you do it all.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’m just glad it didn’t get on you! Just let [Coworker] ring you up. I’ll be fine.”

(Customer #1 continues to apologize for Customer #2 and to offer to help. I remove the damaged items and shift things around so I can take off the tablecloth. Once she leaves, my coworker mops the floor for me.)

Coworker: “Well, at least she kind of balanced out the other one!”

Some People Drive You To Drink

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am at a local grocery store looking for a specific brand of cat food. I have a few items in my cart, including a bottle of cooking wine. Suddenly, a customer comes from the back and SLAMS her cart pretty hard into mine.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: *unintelligible mumbling* “…serves you right!”

(The customer quickly makes her way to the end of the aisle. I brush it off and keep looking for the cat food. A few seconds later the customer turns around and, this time, slams her cart pretty hard right into my thigh.)

Me: “Ow! Lady, please. Slow down!”

Customer: “Humph!”

(The customer speeds around the corner. I am appalled that she didn’t even apologize but I brush it off again, thinking that this will be the end of it. However, not even a minute later, the lady comes back and slams her cart into me again, pushing me towards the shelves.)

Me: “Really? Lady, this is the third time you crashed into me in less than five minutes! Is there anything wrong?”

Customer: “Yeah! That serves you right for being an alcoholic!”

Me: “Excuse me? I don’t even drink, not that it is any of your business!”

Customer: “Liar! I see the wine bottle and all the beer, plus your face is all red. Alcoholic! Women like you should be ashamed!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s one bottle of cooking wine. This is not beer. It’s soda. My face is red because I had to spend a lot of time shoveling my car out in very cold weather. Once again, this is none of your business!”

Customer: “And you admit to using a car! Drunks should not drive! Hhmph! Drunk harlot!”

(She quickly takes off with her cart only to smash it into the opposite shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.)

Me: “Apparently, you shouldn’t drive either!”