There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I work in a cafe and bar that is attached to a movie theater. On this evening, we are somewhat slammed due to a highly anticipated movie release. While I am working the bar I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: “I need to return these fries.”

Coworker #1: “Of course. What was wrong with them, ma’am?

Customer #1: “There’s too much sugar!”

(Both of my co-workers just stare blankly for a few seconds.)

Coworker #2: “Did you mean, there’s too much salt?”

Customer #1: “No! Sugar! There’s too much sugar on these fries! I want salt!”

Coworker #1: “Let me replace your order for you, ma’am…”

(At this point, many of the customers at the bar and I are struggling to not laugh out loud. While my coworker tries to explain to the cooks exactly what’s going on, the customer moves out of the way for the person next-in-line.)

Customer #2: *sarcastically* “I want an order of your fries, and, for the love of all that is good: No. Sugar. Please. No. Sugar!”

(Many of the customers lose it at this point. All of a sudden, we hear a cook scream out to our waitresses.)

Cook: “We don’t even have sugar in the kitchen! Why would we have sugar?! Nothing we make has sugar! On top of that, WHO PUTS SUGAR ON FRIES?!”

(I couldn’t get my fist in my mouth in time to stop my laughter. The best part was, the customer in question never even noticed any of this happening!)

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Makes You Want To Hit The Bottle

| CT, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I am bagging groceries for an elderly woman.)

Customer: “Now, don’t forget to pack those bags light, young man. I can’t carry like I used to.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. No problem.”

(I have packed all her groceries in plastic bags, handing her each one over the counter.)

Customer: “Young man! This bag is way too heavy! Please repack this.”

(I look inside. There is a single two-liter bottle of soda in there.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, I can’t split a bottle of—”

Customer: “Just do it!”

(I shrug, take the bottle out of the plastic bag, put it in another identical plastic bag, and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Ah, see? That’s much better. Why couldn’t you do that the first time?”

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Doesn’t Seem To Get The Concept(ion)

| Denison, TX, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I do the marketing and advertising for an OB/GYN. I overhear an interesting exchange.)

Doctor: “You’re pregnant and you have an STD. You must have had some kind of sex to get pregnant.”

Patient: “Well, Mary didn’t!”

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Where There Are Smokers, There Is Fire

| IL, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I am the manager of a store that sells hookahs, among many other things. Since there are very strict laws in the area I tend to cut people off before incriminating themselves too much. The phone rings and I answer.)

Me: “[Store Name]. This is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. You guys sell hookahs? I want to know how these things work. I need to know what order to put things in. I’ve got the coal ready. I put that in the bowl on top, then the tobacco and weed right?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell hookahs for anything illegal. Just tobacco.”

Caller: “Oh right… Where do I put the tobacco then?”

Me: *sighs* “The tobacco goes in the bowl, then either a screen or tin foil with some holes on top of the bowl, and the lit coal on top.”

Caller: “Oh… I would have burned my house down again! Thanks!” *hangs up*

Me: “Again?”

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Credited Childsplay

| USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I work for a service that answers phones for TV commercials. One commercial in particular is giving us all fits! It is for a cup that freezes sweet liquids into slush-ice. The kids have been calling in, in DROVES, trying to get one. The offer is to be paid with a credit card and you have to be 18 or over to get it. This caller sounds like a five year old.)

Me: “Thank you for calling for [Cup Product]! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I wanna [Cup Product] thing.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a credit card?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s 123456789.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not a card number. How old are you?”

Caller: “Uh… I’m a hundred.”

Me: “Ma’am, please get your mommy to come to the phone. If you want a [Cup Product], you have to have an adult with a credit card.”

Caller: *getting crafty* “Uh, well, I already ordered it an’ used my Mommy’s—uh, my card. So, you can send it. Okay?”

Me: “Now look, honey… You need to have an ADULT come to the phone. Go get someone older.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(There is the sound of the receiver being put down, then instantly picked up again. I hear the same voice, now pitched much lower.)

Caller: “Hello? This is my Daddy. Please send me the [Cup Product] thingy, please!”

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