No IQ For IV

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(I work at a video store. A customer is on the far side of the store and yells out to me. He does not hold up the DVD.)

Customer: “Hey man, which Saw is this?”

Me: “Well, what does it say on the cover?”

Customer: “It doesn’t say anything!”

(I walk over to the customer and immediately recognise the problem.)

Me: “That would be Saw 4, sir. ‘IV’ means four.”

Thicker Coat Required

| USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(One of my coworkers has a really beautiful full-length black wool coat that’s lined with a very soft faux fur that, despite being fake, feels real. She gets questions about where she got it from our clientele a lot, but she actually made it herself. It is really cold outside.)

Customer: *spotting my co-worker on her way to her lunch break* “Oh. My. God. That coat is gorgeous!”

Coworker: “Oh, thank you.”

Customer: “Give it to me.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, the coat is not for sale.”

Customer: “Bulls***! Everything in this store is! Now give me that jacket! I’m more smarter than you, I know how everything works! If you want something in your store, you can only buy it after us real people are done shopping and only if it’s something we don’t want!”

Coworker: “Um… ma’am, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but this jacket didn’t come from this store. I made it at home.”

Customer: “No you didn’t! It’s mine! *tries to snatch the back of the coat as my coworker dodges her*

Coworker: “Ma’am, this is my jacket that I made for myself. We do not sell this jacket in the store, although we have some similar ones. I will not just give you my jacket.

Customer: “It’s mine! Not yours, mine!”

Manager: *to me* “What’s going on?”

Me: *I explain*

Manager: *to the customer* “Ma’am, that is my employee’s jacket. It’s not for sale.”

Customer: *stamps her feet and screams* “BUT I WANT IT!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You can’t have my employee’s jacket. She needs it herself. It’s too cold. If you want a jacket, you can come back another time when you’ve calmed down.”

(She leaves, but comes back about ten minutes later with the police. They have a department on the other side of our parking lot. She points at my manager, my coworker, and me.)

Customer: “Those worthless pieces of trash are trying to steal my jacket!”

(My manager explains the situation, and they take a statement from my coworker, who had proof that she had actually handmade the jacket in the form of a series of photographs on her phone that detailed the ‘work in progress’. In the end, it was the customer who was arrested for creating a disturbance!)

Cash-Back-And-Forth

| Lincolnshire, England, UK | Money

(Whenever a customer asks for cash-back, I always repeat the amount back to them just to make sure I have heard correctly.)

Customer: “Can I have £30?”

Me: “That’s £30?”

Customer: “No, £30.”

Me: “Yes, £30 cash-back?”

Customer: “No, I want £30.”

Me: “Yes, that’s what I said, £30 cash-back.

Customer: “Look, do you do cash-back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, can I have £30?”

Getting Owned By The Owner

| USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

(I work in a privately owned bookshop, and the shop owner/manager has very little patience for rude customers. He’s generally not unkind about it unless you upset other customers, though. He actually owns the property where the shop is located, and rents neighboring spaces to other businesses.)

Customer #1: *to another customer* “You have a very nice a**!” *tries to grab her*

Customer #2: *alarmed and backing away* “Don’t touch me!”

Customer #1: “God, you feminist c***s need to learn to take a d*** complement! Besides you can’t f***ing tell me what to do, I’ll touch you if I godd*** want!” *tries to touch her again*

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer #1: “What’re you going to do about it? You’re only a woman, you have no right to tell me what to do. I have more rights than you! I’m better than you!” *tries to hand me a slip of paper* “Get me that book, slave!”

Me: *refusing to take it* “You need to leave, sir.”

Customer #1: “Get me your manager, stupid w****!”

Manager: *approaching from behind, and speaking firmly to Customer #1* “Get out.” *to Customer #2* “I’m so sorry. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

(Customer #2 starts to tell him what she’s looking for, handing him a reading list, but Customer #1 isn’t done yet.)

Customer #1: “Hey, who do you think you are, buddy? Do you even know which book this is?” *waving the paper at him*

Manager: “I’m fairly certain everyone over the age of 12 knows what book that is.” *frowning* “I thought I told you to get out.”

Customer #1: “Only the property owner can tell me to leave!”

Manager: “Well even if that were true, I do own this property. So, you have two options. You can say good bye and leave, or you can just leave, which I would prefer.”

(Customer #1 leaves, embarrassed. However, he remains in the parking lot, so afterwards my boss walks Customer #2 to her car. I ended up having to call the police to get rid of Customer #1.)

Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It, Part 2

| FL, USA | Bigotry

(I am tech support for a major manufacturer, in one of the higher tier, specialized queues for technical issues. We do hardware and software support. I am also one of the very few females in the division.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [manufacturer], special tier support. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “F***ing b******t, another f***ing call director! Look, honey, I need special tier support.” *he puts emphasis on this, as though I am stupid*

Me: “Yes, sir, you have reached that support. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “Ugh, fine, I’ll tell you, you won’t know how to fix this, and then I’ll get stuck on hold or transferred again.”

(He proceeds to outline a very basic problem, involving a quick reset of his memory to solve the issue, and have him back up and running on the spot without further incident.)

Me: “Well, I am very glad to have gotten you up and running again, especially without any delays! So, is there anything else with which I can assist you today?”

Customer: “No, and you didn’t assist me, you got some real tech, some guy standing behind you, telling you what to do, I just know it. Just let me talk to them so I can tell them what a great job they did.”

(All this is said loudly enough that, though I am on a headset, my supervisor, who sits about 10 feet from me, hears it. They have wandered over, asking to talk to the customer.)

Me: “Well, sir. I didn’t have anyone helping me, but if you wish, I can hand you over to my supervisor for your feedback.”

(The customer agrees, and I hand him over to my supervisor, who greets him, then listens in shock as the customer loudly and repeatedly berates both me and him. He calls us both liars when told I helped him unassisted, and starts cursing and using obscenities enough to finally ruffle me. A break finally comes in this long enough for my supervisor to get in his own input…)

Supervisor: “Well, sir. Now that you have that all out of your system, I do feel the need to tell you this; not only did she help you unassisted, and I can assure you of that, as can every other tech here, I frequently go to her, and refer other employees to her, as she is one of the most knowledgeable techs we have, as well as one of the best with people.”

Customer: “Okay, whatever! I know you guys are going to just keep lying to me anyway. We all know girls can’t do anything but cook and whatever!” *hangs up*

(Thankfully, I got an extra 15-minute break that day because of that call and keeping my cool despite the verbal abuse throughout!)

Related:
Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It

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