Some Owners Need To Be Kept On A Short Leash

| Arkansas, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m a park ranger in a large urban park. The ranger program is new, so people aren’t used to having to follow the rules. One guy in particular is bad about his dog being off leash.)

Me: “Sir, this is the second time I’ve seen you with your dog at large. Next time, I’m going to write you a ticket.”

Guy: “This is ridiculous. Where were you two months ago when she was attacked by two dogs?”

Me: “Sir, if I had been here, I promise I would have done everything I could—”

Guy: “I mean, you don’t write THEM a ticket! You just come after ME! My dog is perfectly behaved! Being on a leash stresses her out! You should go after the other people!”

Me: “Sir, were the other dogs off leash?”

Guy: “Yeah, they were!”

Me: “So, if they had been on leash, your dog wouldn’t have gotten attacked?”

Guy: “Yeah, that’s right!”

Me: “So, would you agree that’s it’s in everyone’s best interest for all dogs to be on leash and under the control of their owners?”

Guy: “Yeah! I mean, wait… except mine! D*** IT!” *storms off*

(His dog is now on a leash every time I see him, although he claims she is traumatized by it. The dog? She seems rather nonchalant about the whole thing.)

You Can Win The Battle But Lease The War

| Toronto, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

(This takes place just when DVDs are starting to replace VHS. A customer comes to the counter with a popular movie on VHS.)

Me: “You know, sir, the rental costs $4.99 for a week, but we are selling previously rented copies of this movie for only $1.99.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I just want to rent it.”

Me: “But sir, it’s $3 cheaper if you buy it, and you won’t have to bring it back.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to keep it!”

Me: “Well, you could buy it and then throw it out after.”

Customer: *impatiently* “Look, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to rent this movie!”

Me: *gives up* “Certainly, sir. That will be $5.14 with taxes. The movie is due back next Tuesday by midnight.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

Disco Stu Gets Our Approval

| USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

(I’m standing next to a music demo display and talking to a coworker. A family walks by with their two little girls in tow. The parents are bickering and are too busy to notice what their girls are doing.)

Coworker: *to me* “So, after you get done here go ahead and start binning, start with 46 and then—”

(Suddenly, one of the little girls presses a button on the music demo display, effectively interrupting us with loud music.)

Coworker: *doesn’t miss a beat and breaks into wild disco moves*

(The girl and her sister stare with huge grins on their faces. The parents are too busy bickering to notice. When the music stops, my coworker resumes talking to me as if nothing has happened.)

Coworker: “—and after 46, help with the top of the steel…”

(I gained a lot of respect for my coworker that night!)

Related:
Disco Stu Does Not Approve

You Just Got Ownered

| San Jose, CA, USA | Top, Transportation

(My brothers-in-law own a garage and tow business. A very angry customer calls up one night with problems, so we send one of our tow truck drivers to tow his car.)

Tow Truck Driver: “So, what happened?”

Customer: “Just get the car towed and shut the f*** up!”

Tow Truck Driver: *gets into the car to check it*

Customer: “What are you doing?! I tried that! It doesn’t work! Just get the car home, you dumb f***!”

(Our driver obliges the customer and tows his vehicle to his home. As soon as his car is in the driveway, the customer jumps right into his car, tries the key, and starts the car right up.)

Customer: “Well, I guess I don’t have to pay you, right?”

Tow Truck Driver: “No, sir, I still towed the car. You will have to pay.”

Customer: “But the car works! You should have known that!”

Tow Truck Driver: “Well, I tried to ask and check the car, but you didn’t want me to. You told me to just tow it.”

Customer: “You should have checked. I’m not paying!”

(Not wanting a fight, our driver tells the man he’ll have to come down to the shop the next day. The next day, he comes in and finds one of my brothers-in-law at the garage.)

My Brother-in-law: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m very upset! The druggie who towed my car is trying to rip me off. Who hires such lowlifes? I’m not paying!”

My Brother-in-law: “Sir, the driver tried to check your car, and you stopped him and told him to just tow it. It’s not his fault.”

Customer: “This is f***ing ridiculous! I want that f***ing peon fired! He’s using my money for his drug habit, and he should’ve known my car was okay!”

My Brother-in-law: “Sir, you need to calm down or this conversation is finished.”

Customer: “Now I’m getting it from YOU! Another f***ing peon working a desk! How dare you?! You little s***s are all getting fired. Where’s your manager?!”

My Brother-in-law: “Well, you see, sir, he’s the tow manager, so he can’t really fire himself—”

Customer: “Now you’re being f***ing flip with me?! Where’s your manager?!”

My Brother-in-law: “—and I’m the owner, so none of that’s gonna happen.”

Customer: *shuts up, defeated*

My Brother-in-law: “It just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn’t it?”

(The customer left… after paying.)

July Top Story Roundup

Not Always Right | Roundups

July Top Story Roundup: From a bite-sized Batman to bigots getting the boot, here are our top-rated stories for the month of July!

  1. Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Forks-Flicks (3,093 thumbs up)
    An out-of-control bookstore customer gets into a Twi-fight—with another customer!
  2. Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet, Part 2 (3,047 thumbs up)
    A pint-sized customer gets a gallon of ice creaming for battling rudeness.
  3. Never Say No To La Novia (2,735 thumbs up)
    When a caring father saves an employee from harassment, he says “adios” to bigotry and his ex-wife!
  4. This We’ll Defend (2,681 thumbs up)
    Attack an employee and you’ll go to war—with the U.S. Army!
  5. Respect Your Zombie Elders (2,511 thumbs up)
    A 5-year-old gives a mouthy, zombie-crazed customer a piece of her mind.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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