Mayonnaise Squirted, Disaster Averted

| Charleston, SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A girl comes into our sandwich shop asking if we are hiring. I explain how to apply online, so she leaves a copy of a resume, thanks me, and leaves. 10 minutes later, the same girl reenters the store and orders a sub. My coworker serves her, but I overhear the entire exchange.)

Girl: “I want [sandwich] on wheat bread; a 6-inch. Put mayo on the bread.”

(The girl’s requests grow increasingly complex. She asks for an extra of everything, including a total of four requests for more mayo on the sub. By the end, there is probably half a bottle of mayo on the 6-inch sub. My coworker goes to close up and wrap the sandwich.)

Girl: “Hey, don’t you think that sandwich looks messy? I don’t want to eat that. Make me another one.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I made this sub exactly to your specifications. You asked for double veggies and 10 times the regular amount of sauce. If I remake your sub, the new one will look exactly like this, so I’m afraid can’t keep wasting product like that. We would be happy to give you extra napkins, though.”

Girl: “This is ridiculous! I don’t want to eat that ugly a** sub! MAKE ME A NEW ONE, D*** IT!”

(The girl storms out in a huff. Having recognized her as the same girl from earlier in the day, I immediately tore up her resume.)

Me: *to my coworker* “If she’s that rude when she’s asking for a job, imagine how bad it would be if she was an employee.”

Their Bark Is Worse Than Any Dog’s Bite

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I work at a pet store that also offers boarding/day care services for dogs. We have three day camps, two of which are visible to customers inside and outside of the store. I am on my way back from a break when I notice a father, mother, and child standing in front of a window, looking into one of the day camps.)

Me: “Hello! I see you have noticed one of our day camp rooms. Do you have any questions about our boarding and day camp services?”

Father: “Yes, we do. What is that dog?” *points*

Me: “That would be Oso. He’s a real sweetheart.”

Father: “And what breed is he?”

Me: “He’s a Great Pyrenees mix.”

Mother: “We’ll take him.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Mother: “I SAID, we’ll take him.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but these dogs are not for sale.”

Father: “What?”

Me: “All of these dogs are staying with us while their owners are out of town. Some of them, like Oso, only come in for a few hours every day because the owners don’t want them to be left home alone all day.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous. Why would you have these dogs on display if they weren’t for sale?”

Father: “We’d like to purchase that dog. How much is he?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but none of these dogs are for sale. We do offer adoption services on weekends, so you are more than welcome to come back on Saturday and look at the puppies.”

Child: *whining* “I want the dooooggiiiiiiie!”

Father: “Yes, but we want THAT dog. How much is he?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but none of these dogs are for sale. They all have owners.”

Mother: “Then how about that dog?” *points at a different one*

Me: “I don’t know what that dog’s name is.”

Mother: “No, no, how much is that dog? If the first one isn’t for sale, then what about this one?”

Me: “Ma’am, NONE of the dogs are for sale. They ALL have owners.”

Mother: “Then why are you displaying them in the store if they aren’t for sale?!”

Child: “I WANT THE DOGGIE!”

Me: “Excuse me, but I need to clock back in from break. Let me get the manager…”

(When the store manager came by, they asked how much Oso was again. When they were told he was not for sale, the child threw a major temper tantrum, both of the parents starting yelling at the store manager, and they only left after the store manager threatened to call security.)

Calling It A** I See It

| Kansas, USA | Health & Body, Top

(I’m just getting over a bad case of poison ivy when this happens. I’m called over by a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “Hey, ugly! Can you help me?”

Coworker: “What did you call her?!”

Customer: “What she is.” *to me* “Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, moron.”

Customer: “What did you call me?!”

Me: “What you are.”

Lost In No Translation, Part 4

| British Columbia, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I live in a small town where a cruise ship visits in the summer. Mind you, this is BC, Canada, so English is the main language spoken here, rather than French canadians in Quebec. Note that our entire conversation is in English.)

Customer: “Hi! May I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Customer: “Do people speak French here?”

Me: “Well, some people might, but it’s more of a second language here.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Well, I think you’re speaking it very well, because I can understand you!”

Me: *dumbfounded*

(At this point, the customer’s husband steps in.)

Customer’s Husband: “She’s not speaking French, honey.”

Customer: “…Oh.” *walks away*

Related:
Lost In No Translation, Part 3
Lost In No Translation, Part 2
Lost In No Translation

She’s No Bashful Biddy

| Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Rude & Risque, Top

(A sweet little old lady comes up to my till with her walker. She is probably in her nineties or late eighties and looks like your stereotypical sweet old granny.)

Me: “Good afternoon, Miss! How’s it going today?”

Little Old Lady: “Quite well, thank you! And calling me ‘Miss’, ha!  You’re such a sweet girl. Made my day!”

Me: “Glad to be of service! Do you need a hand with your basket?”

Little Old Lady: “Oh, no, I try to do things for myself even if they’re harder. Keeps me young.”

(We go through the transaction, chatting away, and at the end she uses her debit card. It’s a chip card and she tries to swipe it, so I correct her.)

Me: “Oh! That’s a chip card. The stripe probably won’t work, so can you please just slide that right up there in the bottom?”

Little Old Lady: “What’s that, sorry?”

Me: “Can you just slide that right up there in the bottom?”

Little Old Lady: *deadpans* “That’s what she said.”

(It took about five seconds before I and the other guy in line burst out laughing.)

Other Customer: “A lady your age saying that? Nice move, ma’am!”

Little Old Lady: “That’s MISS!” *devilish little grin* “And I’m old, not dead. Have a nice day!”

(She slowly makes her way out of the store, slow as only the elderly can be. The other customer and I look at one another, tears still wet on my face from laughter.)

Me: “Best older customer ever.”

Other Customer: “F*** yes!”

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