Caught With Your Hand In The Cookie Case

, | California, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(A kid who I barely know from high school comes into the store where I work.)

Kid: “Hey, [my name], give me something free!”

Me: “No. Did you actually want to order something?”

Kid: “Depends. Can I at least have a discount?”

Me: “No.”

(The kid then proceeds to reach his hand inside the display case where the cookies are held. I notice this and shove the cookie tray against the case, causing his hand to be trapped.)

Me: “Take your hand out of there and leave before I call the cops.”

Kid: “But it’s stuck!”

Me: “I don’t care. Get your hand out now!”

(He pulls his hand out and ends up leaving with out ordering anything. Thankfully, he was never seen at our store again.)

Time To Sign Up For Delivery By Delorean

| USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

(I’m answering the main line at a busy newspaper on a Saturday.)

Me: “[Newspaper], this is [name].”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s dark out.”

Me: “…Okay?”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s… what time is it?”

Me: “It’s 10:12 p.m., sir.”

Caller: “Yeah, it’s 10:12 p.m. and I still haven’t gotten my Sunday paper.”

Me: “Sir, it’s 10:12 p.m. on Saturday. We’re still making the Sunday paper.”

Caller: “But I haven’t gotten my Sunday paper!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. That’s because it’s Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered as usual in the morning.”

Caller: “But it hasn’t arrived yet!”

Me: “It’s still Saturday night. The Sunday edition will arrive Sunday morning.”

Caller: “I haven’t gotten… oh, wait. It’s Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, then… I’ve been working nights. I’m very confused about things now. I just knew it was dark.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

Caller: “This never happened.”

Me: “Deal.”

The Diva Is Always Right, Part 2

| Plano, Texas, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at the fitting room of a large retail store. I’m folding some shirts as a little girl and her mother walk by.)

Little Girl: “Mommy, this store has no ambiance.”

Mother: “No, it doesn’t.”

Little Girl: “I want AMBIANCE!”

Mother: *ignores her*

Little Girl: “AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE!”

(The little girl kept screaming all the way out the store!)

Related:
The Diva Is Always Right

Some Customers Are Asking For It

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

Customer: “Double double.”

Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

Dub And Dubber

| Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

(An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

(The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

(With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

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