Just Not Registering

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(At my store, if a customer swipes their credit or debit card early, it can freeze the entire register. There’s usually a 10-15 second delay after telling the customer the final price and before they can swipe, but for some that’s too long to wait. The EFTPOS machines clearly display ‘PLEASE WAIT’ during the time the customer has to wait.)

Me: “That will be $42.90. How would you like to pay for that today?”

Customer: “On my card.”

Me: “All right, please wait while the computer connects to the EFTPOS machine. I’ll let you know when to swipe.”

Customer: *ignores me and swipes her card immediately*

Me: “Please wait until I or the EFTPOS machine asks for your card.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry.”

Customer: *swipes her card again*

Me: “Ma’am, if you swipe early, it freezes the register, taking even longer. It will only be another ten seconds.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! Do you think I’m stupid? I’ve worked in retail before!”

Me: “I assure you—”

Customer: *swipes her card again, freezing the register* “This isn’t working!”

Me: “That’s because the register’s frozen.”

(I page for a coworker and a manager to come to the registers. The coworker is there right away.)

Coworker: “Hey, what’s up?”

Me: “My register’s frozen. Could you please put this lady through yours?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Customer: “But I’m in a hurry!”

Me: “I’m aware of that, but it will be quicker than waiting for my register to restart.”

(The customer goes to the register next to me where my coworker has already re-scanned her purchases.)

Coworker: “That will be $42.90. Please don’t swipe your card until I tell you to, as it can freeze the registers.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m not stupid!”

(My manager arrives.)

Manager: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing. I just need you to restart my register for me as it’s frozen.”

Manager: “How?”

Me: “Um… EFTPOS swiped too early.”

Manager: “Didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? Why didn’t you tell the customer not to swipe? I’m sick of this; you girls know that if the customer swipes their card early, it will freeze the registers! I’m sick of wasting my time having to restart your registers!”

Me: “Maybe if we were allowed to face the EFTPOS machines towards us, then the customer wouldn’t be able to swipe early?”

Manager: “No, that will only slow things down. You have to tell them not to swipe early!”

(Meanwhile my customer is again trying to swipe her card early right next to me, and my coworker has leaned over the counter with her hand OVER the EFTPOS machine trying to stop her from doing so.)

Customer: *to manager* “Hey, your girl won’t let me swipe my card!”

Manager: “You have to wait until she tells you, otherwise it freezes the registers.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Why didn’t anyone tell me that?!”

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Polly Want A Chromosome

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at my University’s call center, soliciting donations from alumni. We are required to update alums on school news. I’m describing the new biology building to one alum.)

Alum: “Can I use it?”

Me: “The building? Well, it is mainly for current students and faculty, but you are always welcome for a guided tour.”

Alum: “I want to clone my parrot.”

Me: “Pardon me, what was that?”

Alum: “My parrot. It died. But I saved its body in my freezer. I want to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, even if alumni were able to use the building, our facility does not have the equipment necessary to clone your parrot.”

Alum: “No! You don’t understand! It was exceptional; it would stack rings and cups for hours. I want you to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m actually a biology major, and I assure you, we cannot clone your parrot.”

Alum: “Well, I’m going to contact the Biology Department. They’ll be more helpful than you are!”

(I’ve always wondered if she did, and if so, what they thought of the request!)

Hammer Hammer, On The Wall

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(I am the next customer in line at the theater and overhear this exchange. Note that Chris Hemsworth starred in both ‘Thor’ and ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’. At this particular theater, the board only had room for ‘Snow White And Th’ for show-times.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like 2 tickets to Snow White and Thor, please!”

Best Not To Exchange With Haters

| Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

(I’m a manager. I am ringing up a woman I have sold things to before. We are making small talk as I ring her up. Note: I’m a lesbian.)

Customer: “I can’t believe the president came out in support for gay marriage!”

Me: “I know; kind of unbelievable!”

Customer: “That f** lover is going to burn in hell for that!”

Me: *biting my tongue* “Okay.”

(I finish ringing her up and hand the customer her bags.)

Customer: “They should round up all the gays and put them down.”

Me: “That would be bad for me, seeing as I am a lesbian.”

(The woman turns pale and walks out without saying a word. A few hours later, I get a call from the manager of another one of our stores. On the line, I can hear the same customer I previously sold items to ranting.)

Manager: *also a woman* “So, this woman is here wanting to exchange a bunch of stuff from your store. When I asked her what was wrong with the items, she said you tainted them; I have no idea what she is talking about. Could you maybe clear this up for me?”

Me: “Well, I bet it is because she found out I was gay.”

Manager: “I see.” *starts talking in sultry voice* “Well, I’ll see you tonight for our date. You should put on that that black lace bra and panty set I got you for your birthday! I love you!” *hangs up*

(I am very confused, seeing as I have never dated that manager, nor did she ever get me underwear, and as far as I know, she is not gay. Fast forward a few days later to the manager weekly conference call: apparently, the customer left the other store after thinking the other manager was also gay. That manager then called every other store in the area and told everyone about the customer. Over the next few days, the customer went to every store in a 20 mile radius trying to exchange the ‘tainted goods’. Everyone she talked to pretended to be gay when working with her and she left every time. To my knowledge, she never got her exchange.)

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Cold Hearts Can Lead To Warm Cockles

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(My friend works at a coffee kiosk at a train station. We are experiencing the coldest day of the year so far. It is only 30 minutes after opening, so she has not had a chance to warm up.)

Customer #1: “Cinnamon latte. Small. Now.”

My Friend: “Of course, sir.”

(My friend starts making the latte, but her hands are numb from the cold and she makes mistakes. There is a heater near her, but it only really helps her legs.)

Customer #1: “Will you hurry up? It’s freezing! Can’t believe I had to wait for a train in this weather! At least my office will be nice and warm when I get there!”

(Customer #1 carries on ranting and raving about the weather. At this point, another customer behind him, Customer #2, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “At least you don’t have to work in this weather!”

Customer #1: *smugly* “She has a heater! And the coffee machines are spewing steam all the time. She’ll be fine!”

Customer #2: “Would you want to work here?”

Customer #1: “Would I, heck! It’s too cold!”

(At this point the transaction is finished and he runs off to his platform.)

Customer #2: *to my friend* “What an idiot! What do you recommend from the new range?”

My Friend: “The gingerbread latte is pretty good.”

Customer #2: “Okay. I’ll have two, please.”

(My friend makes his order and hands him the two lattes.)

Customer #2: “Here, for you!”

(He takes the second drink and places it in front of my friend, but walks off before she can say anything. The festive period has begun, so there are going to be even more brutish and rude customers than usual. However, there are some really nice ones out there too! Happy Holidays!)

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