The Facts Of Second Life

| Southern California, USA | Bizarre

(A customer in her 40s approaches me to ask where something is. As I am answering her question, she notices my name tag.)

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize they had to give you names! How nice of them to try and give you more of an identity!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, since you’re a robot and all.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I’m a person. In fact…” *I point to my pregnant belly* “…I’m a person growing ANOTHER person.”

Customer: “No, no, can’t be. That documentary with Bruce Willis said workers were being replaced with robots.”

Me: “…You mean Surrogates?”

Customer: “That’s the one!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was a movie. Didn’t you watch the whole thing?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Just a chunk in the middle I think. It was rather over-dramatic for a documentary, and I just couldn’t get into it. Got the gist of it though! Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you’re a robot. Technology today! WONDERFUL!” *walks away*

Me: *speechless*

Frauds Rush In

| Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m working the self checkouts at my store when I notice a customer about to walk out the door with unpaid merchandise. I call her out.)

Me: “Miss, there’s a machine over here you can use to pay for those.”

Customer: “But, you see, I’m in a hurry!”

(She realizes she’s making excuses for stealing and glumly walks over to the machine. I watch her closely during the transaction and notice she only scans one of two items.)

Me: “Miss, that product didn’t scan. You’re going to have to try again.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a rush!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy it.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God!” *picks up products to leave without paying*

Me: “But, then you can’t actually take them.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll deal with the stupid machine. But you should really be more considerate of people who are in a rush!”

The Cosplayer Is Always Right

| Madrid, Spain | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

(Our Japanese restaurant is near a school that annually hosts an anime convention. So, it’s fairly common to have cosplayers among our customers at the time of the con. The owner is okay with it as long as they don’t annoy the other customers. On this day, we seat twelve cosplayers and, later, I seat three young customers near them.)

Young Customer #1: “What is this? Why are those guys costumed?”

Me: “Oh, there’s a large anime convention ongoing at the local school. It’s rather common to see them at the times of the gathering.”

Young Customer #1: *chuckles* “Yeah, what a bunch of dorks.”

Young Customer #2: “Total nerds.”

(Since there are no other free tables and they didn’t pre-order a table, they sit near the cosplayers while mocking them under their breath. In the meantime, a cosplayer of Pikachu is talking somewhat loudly on his phone.)

Young Customer #2: *waves at me* “Hey, you! Tell those dorks to shut up!”

Halo Cosplayer: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir.” *to ‘Pikachu’* “Dude, not so loud. You’re bothering people.”

Pikachu Cosplayer: “What? Oh, sorry to bother you guys.” *starts talking again, but much quieter*

Young Customer #3: “Yeah, that’s right. Shut up, you virgin nerd!”

Young Customer #1: “Go back to the library, virgins!”

(At this point, I warn the owner about the behavior of the younger customers. He immediately goes to their table.)

Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer #1: “It’s not our fault. Those nerds started to insult us! We’re not going to stay here and do nothing!”

Owner: “My staff told me the contrary, actually.”

Young Customer #3: “What?! That b***h waitress is lying!”

Owner: “Sir, I won’t allow you to insult my staff or customers. Those cosplayers were extremely polite and quiet during their meals, unlike you. If someone must be thrown out, it’s you.”

(In the blink of an eye, one of the young customers gets up and tries to grab the owner. However, to our surprise, one of the cosplayers playing Batman grabs him by the hair, slams him on the table and holds him still.)

Young Customer #1: “OW! That f***ing hurts! Who the f*** do you think you are, you motherf***er?!”

Batman Cosplayer: *in a raspy tone* “I am vengeance. I am the night. I am… Batman.”

(The two other customers begin to yell, but quickly shut up when all the cosplayers get up and surround them, showing that most of them are clearly larger than them. The mall security arrests the bad customers, and the cosplayers leave after apologizing for the trouble. However, it’s not before we snap a picture with them. Now, we frequently joke about that time when Batman, Pikachu and Master Chief saved the restaurant!)

Related:
The Costumer Is Always Right

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Would You Like Your Scam For Here Or To Go

, | Missouri, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(It is not very busy, but we are short-staffed so everyone is working hard. My manager helps me bag a particularly big order.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I believe my manager and I got all of your food. But, just in case, let me go over your receipt again.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(We go over the receipt together and find everything is correct.)

Customer: “Thank you, dear.”

Me: “You are very welcome, ma’am!”

Manager: “Did you go over her order again before you let her leave?”

Me: “Yes!”

(Five minutes later a man walks in brandishing a receipt and yelling.)

Man: “You idiots messed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, I came through drive-thru and didn’t get half of my order!”

(I look over the receipt and see it is from the previous customer that I just helped.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t think this is your order. I packed this order a few minutes ago, and it was for a lady on counter.”

Man: “How dare you accuse me of lying! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Fine.”

(The manager proceeds to tell him the same thing, but he won’t stop screaming at her. Eventually, he demands to see the store manager.)

Store Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Man: “Look, I came through the drive-thru. This is my receipt, but your stupid employees won’t give me my food!”

Store Manager: “Well, sir, I am certain this is not your receipt.”

Man: “Oh yeah? Prove it!”

Store Manager: “Well, the top of the receipt says the order was taken from the register at the counter, which means it could not have been for a drive-thru order. And, according to the receipt, this was ‘Katie’s’ order. You don’t look like a ‘Katie.'”

Man: *thinks for a minute, then leaves defeated*

Viva La Revelation

| Florida, USA | Time

(It’s the 4th of July, and I’m 9.5 hours into my 10-hour shift. For the umpteenth time today, a customer asks why I’m working on the 4th of July.)

Me: “Welcome to [credit card] customer service. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Why the h*** are you at work on Independence Day?! Are you even American?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I was born and raised in Florida. How can I help you?”

Customer: “If you’re really an American, you wouldn’t be working today. You’d be celebrating our nation’s freedom!”

Me: “You know, I’d love to be with the rest of my family enjoying the festivities and fireworks, not to mention the food, but I’m here working to support my family. And, I wouldn’t be working if YOU weren’t calling.”

Customer: “Oh… I never thought of it that way.”

Me: “No one ever does. How can I help you?”

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