You’re Wrong

| Right | January 22, 2014

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Went On A Jurassic Lark

| Right | January 22, 2014

Getting Chesty About The Law

| Rio de Janeiro, Brazil | Right | January 22, 2014

(I’m an American married to a Brazilian, and I spend several months a year in Brazil. I work at a beachside stall serving beer and snacks. A pair of American tourists are in front of me, and the woman is topless, which is strictly illegal in Brazil, but many assume otherwise.)

Man: “Hi. Two cervezas and, uh, some chips. You got chips?”

Server: *in Portuguese* “Ma’am, you can’t be topless here! The police could arrest you. You need to cover up.”

Woman: “What are you talking about? I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “Lady, he’s telling you that you need to cover up.”

Woman: “What? Like h*** I do. This is Brazil!”

Me: “Yeah, a Catholic country that bans public nudity. You can be arrested.”

Man: “F*** off. This is Brazil. People go topless on the beach all the time.”

Me: “Well, look around at the beach. You’re the only woman in sight without a top on.”

Woman: “Mind your d*** business.” *they walk off in a huff*

Server: “I wonder if they noticed that they’re about to walk right past three police cars?”

Me: “Probably not.”

(I stood there, sipping my beer, and watched as the woman was cited for public nudity.)

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Natural Medicine Versus Naturist Medicine

| GA, USA | Right | January 22, 2014

(I work for a local orthopedic surgeon. One of my jobs is to remove post-op braces and put casts on. I’m a young woman; the patient is a 19-year old man.)

Me: “Okay, sir. You’ll be in room three. I need to go get some supplies, but go on and sit on the exam table. Make yourself comfortable.”

(The patient nods and hops up on the table. I cut the splint off his leg. We request patients wear gym shorts so we don’t have to cut their jeans. I walk out to get supplies and close the door. When I return, I knock twice and open the door. He’s laid out on the table, naked, and playing with his PSP.)

Me: “Um, sir? I didn’t need you to remove your clothes.”

Patient: “What? You told me to get comfortable!”

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A Centless Journey

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Right | January 22, 2014

(A customer places a book at my register to check out.)

Me: “Did you find everything alright today?”

Customer: “I did! I’ve been waiting to get this book for a long time. Wait a moment… Oh, no. I think I left my coupon at home.”

Me: “What a shame! How much was your coupon for?”

Customer: “It was a special coupon for 25 percent off any item.”

Me: “Well, you’re in luck! I happen to have an extra coupon under my register. It’s for 20 percent off any item.”

Customer: “But mine was for 25 percent. Your coupon won’t save me as much money.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, take a look at the price tag on the book. It’s only $10. With your coupon, the price would drop to $7.50, and with mine the price would be $8.00. It’s only a fifty-cent difference.”

Customer: “But my coupon would save me more money! Can you hold the book for me? I’m going to go home and get my coupon.”

Me: “Where do you live?”

(The woman gives me an address on the other side of town, probably a 40-minute round trip at least.)

Me: “Are you sure you want to drive all the way home? The time and gas alone are probably worth more than the 50 cents you’d save with your coupon. Why don’t you just use this 20 percent off right now?”

Customer: “No. My coupon would save me more money than your coupon would.”

(She leaves. An hour later, she’s back with her coupon.)

Customer: *smiling* “Look how much money I just saved!”

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