Foiled His Plans

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Math & Science

Customer: “I need some paint for my trailer.”

Me: “Okay. What material is it made from? I’m assuming metal?”

Customer: “No. It’s aluminum.”

Me: “Aluminum is a kind of metal, sir.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Aluminum doesn’t come from underground!”

Needs To Return Up The River

| IN, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to exchange this book for this other one, please.”

Me: “I’m happy to help. Was there a problem with the book you’re returning?”

Customer: “No. It just wasn’t the right one.”

Me: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. I bought it online.”

Me: “Oh, I see. May I have your name, please?”

(The customer tells me her name and I pull up our store’s order records on the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t see anything on our records under your name. Did you order the book on someone else’s account, perhaps?”

Customer: “No. I definitely ordered it myself.”

Me: “Hmm…”

(I try everything I can think of to find a record of the transaction. After about five minutes of fruitless searching, the customer pipes up.)

Customer: “Does it make a difference that I ordered it on Amazon?”

Me: “…I’m sorry. What?”

Customer: “I bought this on Amazon. I was kinda hoping you could just take this one that I got and give me this book off your shelves.”

Me: “…No, ma’am. It doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Why not? I come in with a book, I leave with a book. You lose a book and gain a book. It all works out in the end.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have to actually buy a book from us to return it to us.”

Customer: “Oh, really?”

Good Customer Service Is A Balancing Act

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(Our store has a special sale going on. We have a nicely dressed sale table with a tablecloth and the items laid out on it. Customer #1 is approaching the counter. I am folding shirts at an adjacent table while my coworker rings up Customer #2, who has a young baby on her shoulder. We have seen her feeding her baby with a bottle while browsing the store. As they’re checking out, the baby suddenly starts spitting up. It miraculously doesn’t land on the mother’s clothing at all. However, it does go all over the floor, down the side of the tablecloth and gets on at least five DVDs and about ten books. It narrowly misses Customer #1.)

Customer #2: *spins around, takes in the mess, and hurries out the door*

(My coworker, Customer #1, and I stare at each other and the table in shock.)

Customer #1: “The nerve of some people. That’s disgusting!”

(I’m so flabbergasted that I can’t help but laugh.)

Me: “Well, guess I should clean that up then.”

Customer #1: “Do you want some help?”

Me: “No, it’s fine. Guess all that babysitting finally comes in handy here!”

Customer #1: “Are you sure, dear? That was so incredibly rude. I couldn’t imagine making you do it all.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’m just glad it didn’t get on you! Just let [Coworker] ring you up. I’ll be fine.”

(Customer #1 continues to apologize for Customer #2 and to offer to help. I remove the damaged items and shift things around so I can take off the tablecloth. Once she leaves, my coworker mops the floor for me.)

Coworker: “Well, at least she kind of balanced out the other one!”