Spoiled Like The Food On Your Dirty Dishes

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I answer phones for a major appliance company. It’s Saturday.)

Customer: “My dishwasher’s broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Would you like me to schedule a technician to come out for you?”

Customer: “No! [Company] already did that! They told me I have to wait till Monday! I can’t believe you people expect me to go two whole days without a dishwasher. This is inhumane! I can’t do this. I have four kids!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it sounds to me like you have four dishwashers.”

Customer: “How dare you tell me how to raise my kids! I can’t believe the nerve of you people!”

Me: “Well, do you give them an allowance?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

Me: “Do they do chores to earn it?”

Customer: “My children don’t have to earn their way through life. They’re angels!”

Judging By The Sound Of Your Hair

| Katy, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at the information booth for a mall, and we sometimes sell various tickets for local parks. I had a conversation earlier with a caller about some water park tickets we’re selling. She comes into the mall to purchase some about an hour after her phone call.)

Me: “Ok, I just need you to sign here while I get these rung up.”

Customer: *staring at my hair* “You’ve got black hair.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you have black hair!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You sound like a redhead on the phone!”

Me: *speechless*

The Price Is (Not) Right

| Singapore | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “I want to get this TV for $2,599.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our price is fixed at $2,999.”

Customer: “That’s nonsense! I went to [competitor] and they’re selling the same thing for $2,599!”

Me: “Is that so? I highly doubt that because this is the current market price for this newly released model. Everyone is selling it at $2,999.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m a liar? I even took a picture of their price tag, but I can’t show you because I left my camera in my car.”

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry if you think that way, but even if it is indeed at that price, we don’t do price matching at our store.

Customer: “Why the h*** won’t you do that? I can just go there and pay them good money, you know.”

Me: “If I may ask, sir, why you don’t do so?”

Customer: “Er, because I told them that I saw the same TV elsewhere at $2,299.”

Every Trick In The Book

| Houston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(I’m working the register when an older lady approaches and asks for a price check on some fabric.)

Me: “That one is $9.99 per yard.”

Customer: “Minus the 30% off.”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s regular price.”

Customer: “The sign said 30% off.”

(She takes me to the place where the fabric came from. The sign does indeed say 30% off, but has the name of the fabric that’s stored on the opposite side of the display. I flip the sign around the right way.)

Me: “Sorry, someone must have accidentally spun it around. See? It says this is regular price. The names are on the signs, so you can see which ones are on sale.”

Customer: “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

(She goes back to browsing and I go back to the register. After I ring up a few more customers, she’s back with another bolt to be checked.)

Me: “This one is $12.99 per yard.”

Customer: “But the sign says it’s only $3.95!”

Me: “Okay, let’s go look again.”

(Again, the sign over the fabric’s location says what she quoted to me. However, it’s been ripped in half so that the name of the fabric is now gone and it’s barely staying in its frame. I turn and look at the customer and she throws her hands up before I can even open my mouth.)

Customer: “I didn’t think you’d fall for it, but I had to try! Fabric’s so expensive these days!”

A Serious Case Of Insensitivity, Part 2

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(New Year’s Eve is in full swing. Shortly before the midnight countdown, a coworker of mine drops down dead beside me from a brain aneurysm. We went into shock and obviously tried to help her. The customer that she was serving starts complaining about the quality of service.)

Customer: “Leave her, it’s almost midnight! I need my glass of wine to celebrate!”

Me: “Sir, we believe she may be dead. Please have a bit of compassion. The bar will be closing now while we wait for emergency services.”

Customer: “Forget that! We want to celebrate. Get me my drink now and take her body out back or something!”

Me: “Security! Throw this man out and clear the bar.”

Customer: “I will get both her and you fired for this!”

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Call 911: We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Insensitivity