Lightening In A Bottle

| Maryland, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(The wine store I work at has a fully functional bar. On this particular night, the store is very busy as we are having a wine tasting that is open to the public. This day also happens to be the one before my birthday. I am mixing a drink for a well-to-do regular customer).

Customer: “So, how have you been lately?”

Me: “Pretty good.”

Customer: “What time will you be in tomorrow?”

Me: “I actually have the day off. It is my birthday.”

Customer: “Oh, is it? Did [owner] get you anything nice?”

Me: “I doubt it.”

Customer: “Well, that is too bad. Hey, could you help me find a good Portuguese wine?”

(For the next ten minutes, I show him red blends, Riojas, and other wonderful Portuguese wines.)

Customer: “If you could get any of these, which would you get?”

Me: “Well, that depends. Most of these are out of my price range, but this $10.99 bottle would be great.”

Customer: “But I want the best one that is over here, regardless of price.”

(I show him a really good one that is $60 a bottle.)

Customer: “I want this one. Can I buy it, set it on the counter, and enjoy some more drinks at the bar?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(The customer stays for a few more hours talking to me about the college I had went to, and jobs I am interested in. About an hour before closing, he says it is time to go, and heads to the counter where his purchases are still sitting. I proceed to clean up the bar as he approaches me.)

Customer: “I thought it a shame that a person as friendly and knowledgable as you didn’t get a birthday gift after working here for years. This is yours.”

(He hands me a wrapped bag, and when I unwrap it, it is the expensive wine I had recommended. As I look up to thank him, he is already out the door, but he gives me a wave and a large smile. It is people like that who make working a minimum wage job worth it!)

That’s The Way He Bypassed The Brady Punch

| Brampton, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m out for the evening with my younger sister. We’re just having a few drinks at a bar that’s close by. I’m 6’2″, 275 lbs, and my sister is 5’9, 180 lbs.)

Drunk Guy: *to my sister* “You know you’ve got really nice tits. You know that, right?”

Me: “Excuse you?”

Drunk Guy: “No, really! She’s got a fantastic rack!”

Me: “Buddy, back off. Go bother someone else.”

Drunk Guy: “What’re you going to do about it? What are you, her boyfriend or some s*** like that?”

(At this point, a bouncer walks up behind him. He knows our family as patrons of this bar.)

Bouncer: *to the drunk guy* “First of all, I’m going to eject you from this place, by your will or otherwise. Secondly, I’m going to let this big guy here beat the snot out of you and that’s AFTER his sister kicks your A**, and I’m more scared of her than I am of him. Thirdly, that big guy right there is one of the most scary people that I’ve ever met, especially when protecting family.”

Drunk Guy: *nods very quickly and shuffles out of the bar*

Me: “Thanks.”

Bouncer: “Nobody messes with this MOTHERF***ING family!” *walks off*

The Only Place You’ll Be Driven Is Crazy

| Macon, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

(I’m on the phone with a customer. I can hear kids running around and screaming in the background.)

Customer: “I talked to the man earlier. He said y’all do cars for five hundred down?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “What’s y’all… hold on a sec… *she yells at the kids making noise in the background* “QUIT THAT! I’M ON THE F***ING PHONE!” *back to me* “What do y’all need from me?”

Me: “Well, we ask for a pay stub as proof of income, a copy of your driver’s license, and some references.”

Customer: “Well, I do a daycare out of my home. That’s my job. Is that okay?”

Cardiac Unrest

| Arizona, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

(I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)

Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

Me: “South Africa.”

Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”

Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”

(As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)

Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”

Doctor: “South Africa.”

Patient: *horrified*

For Bitter Or Worse

, | Montana, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I have been working at the same fast food restaurant since high school. That was a little over four years ago, so a lot of the regulars know me pretty well. I’m also usually mistaken for being much younger than I actually am, especially when I have my hair pulled up. I am also a recent newlywed, and my wedding band doesn’t look like the typical wedding band.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh, that is a pretty ring!”

(The customer points to my wedding band, which is silver with a gold Celtic Claddagh in the center.)

Regular Customer: “Who got that for you?

Me: “Oh, it is my wedding band. My husband got it for me.”

Regular Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “…Ma’am?”

Regular Customer: *starts yelling* “You are FAR to young to get married! This is insane! I need to speak to your manager!”

(At this point, I don’t know what to do, so I go get one of supervisors.)

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Regular Customer: “Did you know that this young woman is married? She is too young to get married! Was she forced? How can you allow something like this to happen to one of your coworkers?”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, how old do you think she is?”

Regular Customer: “She can’t be more than seventeen… Oh, I know!” *to me* “You are pregnant, aren’t you?”

Me: *completely shocked* “No, ma’am, I’m not pregnant. And I’m not seventeen. I’m 21.”

Regular Customer: “No, you aren’t, I’ve been coming here for years. You are seventeen, and you are probably pregnant which is why you were forced into marriage.” *to my supervisor* “What is this world coming to these days?!”

Me: “Here ma’am, take a look at my ID.”

(The customer looks at my ID, which clearly shows that I am 21.)

Regular Customer: *frustrated* “Well, you’re still young to be married. It must have been a shotgun wedding!”

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