The Only Place You’ll Be Driven Is Crazy

| Macon, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

(I’m on the phone with a customer. I can hear kids running around and screaming in the background.)

Customer: “I talked to the man earlier. He said y’all do cars for five hundred down?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “What’s y’all… hold on a sec… *she yells at the kids making noise in the background* “QUIT THAT! I’M ON THE F***ING PHONE!” *back to me* “What do y’all need from me?”

Me: “Well, we ask for a pay stub as proof of income, a copy of your driver’s license, and some references.”

Customer: “Well, I do a daycare out of my home. That’s my job. Is that okay?”

Cardiac Unrest

| Arizona, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

(I work in an ER and I am checking in a patient who needs a cardiac procedure.)

Patient: “You have an accent. Where are you from?”

Me: “South Africa.”

Patient: *disgusted* “South AFRICA? Oh, well I’m sure they wouldn’t have hired you unless you were properly educated.”

Me: “I assure you, I have a good education. The cardiologist will be in to see you shortly.”

(As I’m walking out, the cardiologist walks in and introduces himself to the patient.)

Patient: “Oh, you have an accent, too. Where are you from?”

Doctor: “South Africa.”

Patient: *horrified*

For Bitter Or Worse

, | Montana, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I have been working at the same fast food restaurant since high school. That was a little over four years ago, so a lot of the regulars know me pretty well. I’m also usually mistaken for being much younger than I actually am, especially when I have my hair pulled up. I am also a recent newlywed, and my wedding band doesn’t look like the typical wedding band.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant]. What can I get you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh, that is a pretty ring!”

(The customer points to my wedding band, which is silver with a gold Celtic Claddagh in the center.)

Regular Customer: “Who got that for you?

Me: “Oh, it is my wedding band. My husband got it for me.”

Regular Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “…Ma’am?”

Regular Customer: *starts yelling* “You are FAR to young to get married! This is insane! I need to speak to your manager!”

(At this point, I don’t know what to do, so I go get one of supervisors.)

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Regular Customer: “Did you know that this young woman is married? She is too young to get married! Was she forced? How can you allow something like this to happen to one of your coworkers?”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, how old do you think she is?”

Regular Customer: “She can’t be more than seventeen… Oh, I know!” *to me* “You are pregnant, aren’t you?”

Me: *completely shocked* “No, ma’am, I’m not pregnant. And I’m not seventeen. I’m 21.”

Regular Customer: “No, you aren’t, I’ve been coming here for years. You are seventeen, and you are probably pregnant which is why you were forced into marriage.” *to my supervisor* “What is this world coming to these days?!”

Me: “Here ma’am, take a look at my ID.”

(The customer looks at my ID, which clearly shows that I am 21.)

Regular Customer: *frustrated* “Well, you’re still young to be married. It must have been a shotgun wedding!”

Teachers Make A Difference

, | Sydney, Australia | Math & Science

(I’m working in the drive-thru, and am taking customer’s orders and their money. His daughter is sitting in the passenger’s seat.)

Me: “So, that’ll be $28.10. Thanks!”

(The customer hands me $50.10.)

Customer: “So, how much change do I get?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “You cheated! That was an easy one! Sorry, I’m a maths teacher.”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, that’s alright. But it’s the school holidays!”

Customer: “Maths doesn’t take holidays!”

Me: “You’re right. Well, enjoy the rest of your holidays!”

Customer’s Daughter: *looks very embarrassed* “Sorry, he does this everywhere we go!”

From The Odd Couple To The Applauded Couple

| Canberra, Australia | Bigotry, Top

(I am working the day shift at our grocery store. I’m almost always working with the same two coworkers: Coworker #2 is a great, if manically excitable actor, while Coworker #1 is a very flamboyant gay who usually styles up his uniform. The customers love them, since they’re best friends and spend most of their time bantering back and forth like an odd couple. On this day, a man and a woman, both clearly tourists, walk over to the counter.)

Man: *to Coworker #1* “Hey there! We were just wondering if you keep any good brandy in stock?”

Coworker #1: “You are in luck, sir! What takes your fancy?”

(From the moment he speaks, the man’s face goes from a friendly smile, to a grimace, to a particularly vicious glare.)

Man: “OH. MY. GOD!”

Coworker #1: *concerned* “What’s the matter, sir?”

Man: “Are you a f**?! Oh my God, they’ve got a f** working the counter!”

Woman: “You should be ashamed of yourself! There are children here!”

(I won’t write out in full what they said, but the man and woman start screaming expletives at him, and accuse him of everything from raising the prices to poisoning the cigars. It’s all very bigoted and disgusting, and the other customers present are horrified while Coworker #1 is almost in tears. Suddenly, Coworker #2, who has just come out of the back, hears this and pushes through the crowd.)

Coworker #2: “Excuse me, folks?”

Woman: “Oh finally, a God-fearing man! Can you please get that f** out of our sight?!”

(Coworker #2 is straight, but he pushes the man aside and grabs Coworker #1 in a tender embrace.)

Coworker #2: “Actually, I was going to ask you to get out. But when in Canberra…”

(In front of the whole store, Coworker #2 sweeps Coworker #1 into an overly dramatic, passionate kiss right on the lips. In abject terror, the couple flees the store. The other customers in the store break out in applause.)

Man: “This is DISGUSTING!” *flees out of the store with his wife*

Coworker #1: *breaks out into a huge grin* “Speak for yourself!”

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