Fajita Me Not

| Boone, NC, USA | Food & Drink

(I am working to-go service at an chain restaurant. Note that we’re three doors down from another similar chain-restaurant that also has to-go service.)

Customer: “I’m here to pick up my to-go order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. No one has placed a to-go order with me tonight. When exactly did you call and who did you talk to?”

Customer: *irate* “I called 10 minutes ago and I talked to you! I recognize your voice. Where is my to-go order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, my phone hasn’t rung once in two hours. Can you please let me know what you would like? I will have the kitchen rush make it for you.”

Customer: “I ordered the fajitas. I just talked to you 10 minutes ago, where are my fajitas?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have fajitas on the menu here.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You have them! I ordered them from you 10 minutes ago!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you didn’t place your to-go order with [restaurant three doors down]? I know that they have fajitas and they also have to-go service.”

Customer: “No! I talked to you! Where are my fajitas?”

(This continues for another 10 minutes until finally, I just pick up the phone and call the other restaurant.)

Me: *on the phone* “Do you have a to-go order under the name [patron] for some fajitas?”

Other Restaurant: “Yes, we have her order right here. It has just been sitting here getting cold.”

Me, to Patron: “Ma’am, [restaurant three doors down] has an order under your name for some fajitas.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t order from there. Are you guys pulling a prank on me? Just bring me my fajitas!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you placed your order with other restaurant. The only way you are going to get fajitas is if you go over there and pick them up.”

Customer: “Well, fine! But just know that I will never eat at this restaurant ever again!” *stomps out the door*

As Stupid As She Is Contagious

| Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(It’s late one evening when a customer walks into the store, obviously not feeling well. Our store emails coupons to loyal customers.)

Customer: “I have coupons but I forgot to print them out. I’m not asking for the discount today, but if I bring them in tomorrow could I still get the discount?”

Manager: “To get the discount on today’s items, you will have to have the coupons with you when you checkout.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me! So you want me to come all the way back here tonight when I’m this sick?”

(She storms to the back of the store, grabs a small bag of dog food, and tosses it roughly onto the counter.)

Customer: “Who’s your district manager? This is such crappy service! I shouldn’t even be out doing this today! I was just diagnosed with whooping cough!” *leaves*

(Both my manager and I look at each other, surprised. He takes down her information and gives her the number for the district manager.)

Me: “Why’d you take her information down?”

Manager: “So I know who to send my medical bill to if I get sick.”

Blood Money

, | Texas, USA | Health & Body

(A caller is on the phone applying for a loan. We get to the part with his income.)

Me: “Okay, where are you employed?”

Caller: “I don’t work. I sell blood.”

Me: *confused* “You mean at blood banks?”

Caller: “Sometimes at blood banks. Sometimes on the street…”

Size Matters, Part 10

| Dublin, Ireland | Rude & Risque, Top

(I work at a small counter in my store that sells the company’s own brand condoms. A female customer comes to the condom counter with a complaint. I’m busy with a customer, so my coworker steps in.)

Customer: “I want to return these!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My husband says they’re too small and they won’t fit him!”

(My coworker is a very unabashed flamboyant man. He proceeds to take a condom out of the packet, open it, unroll it and pull it over his hand and right up to his elbow, all while the customer watches in stony silence.)

Coworker: “If that doesn’t fit your husband, can I have his number?”

Customer: *leaves silently, taking the box with her*

Related:
Size Matters, Part 9
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Don’t Throw Rocks In Glass Elevators

| USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Note: I am a passenger on a cruise ship with my father. I am in my early 20’s and my father is in his late 50’s. We are in the elevator with some other passengers on our way back to our rooms.)

Passenger: *glares at us* “That’s disgraceful!”

Me: “I’m…sorry?”

Passenger: “That’s disgraceful. The age difference between you two. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Absolutely disgusting!”

(My dad and I give confused looks to each other. The other passengers have now begun to stare.)

Dad: “You’re very right. After all, I used to change her diapers when she was a baby!”

Passenger: “What?!”

Me: “Yeah, older men aren’t my type. Plus, he’s my dad.”

Passenger: *practically plows out of the elevator at the next floor*

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