Can’t Get A Number In Edgewise

| Sioux Falls, SD, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “…Okay, well, if you need anything else, you can call us back. Would you like the number?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. Are you ready?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wonderful. It’s 1—”

Caller: “What’s the number?”

Me: “It’s 1-8—”

Caller: “What’s the number?”

Me: “It’s 1—”

Caller: “1, yes, you said that! Hello?! What is the rest?! What is with this service?!”

She Uses The Google, Part 3

| Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] Festival. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, thank God! I need help! Your website is terrible. I can’t do anything on it! All I want to do is book my damn tickets. This is f***ing disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble! I can help you book your seats. What show are you interested in?”

Caller: “I just can’t do anything on it. I can’t even find the calendar. You really need to be more accessible. This is the worst website I have ever seen! Who the h*** made this trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. If you are having this much trouble, I would be more than happy to help you order over the phone. It will only take a—”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “No?”

Caller: “Tell me how to do this. I’m not a stupid old crone.”

Me: “Sure! I can guide you through the process. Are you on our website at this moment?”

Caller: “Of course I’m f***ing on your website!”

Me: “Okay, then. The first thing I want you to do is login. I can create a temporary username and password on this end for you to use.”

Caller: “Login?”

Me: “At the very top of the page it should say ‘Welcome, please login.’ I want you to click that message.”

Caller: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It should be in big bold red letters, right above our logo.”

Caller: “Don’t be stupid. All it says is ‘Google!'”

(As you can imagine, the call went on for quite some time before I finally convinced her to let me book her order over the phone!)

Related:
He Uses The Google
He Wants The Google
She Uses The Google, Part 2
She Uses The Google

Whiskey Unwise And Brand Foolish

| Porto, Portugal | Food & Drink

Patron: “Good evening! I’ll have a whiskey cola.”

(I serve him a generic whiskey with cola.)

Me: “Here you go! That will be [amount].”

Patron: “Hey, that wasn’t [whiskey label]! I want [whiskey label] with cola.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since most of our customers don’t ask for any special brand labeled whiskey, we serve a generic brand to save on costs. If you want a special labeled whiskey, you just have to ask for it. The price is the same. I’ll get you your [whiskey label) for free, but please be sure to ask it by name the next time.”

(15 minutes later, the same patron approaches the bar.)

Patron: “F***! Serve me your cheaper whiskey! This s*** tastes all the same to me. You guys are okay!”

The Only Foaming Is At Her Mouth

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a campus coffee house, which is primarily student-run. At least 80% of our customers are other students or teachers who all know us. Occasionally, we get new customers who don’t understand that we’re not a major chain.)

Customer: “Can I have a latte with no foam?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I ring the customer up, she gets her latte and leaves. Five minutes later, she comes storming back in, elbowing all the other customers out of her way and shoving the latte in my face.)

Customer: “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE NO FOAM TO YOU?”

(I look down, and all that’s on the top of the latte is two or three bubbles from the steamed milk. It’s definitely no foam.)

Me: “Um… well, honestly ma’am, I don’t see any foam at all, but I’d be happy to remake it for you—”

Customer: “WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT ‘NO FOAM?!'”

(At this point, my manager comes over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, there is a line, and my employee needs to get other people their orders. I’ll be happy to remake it, but this is our rush hour and it might take a few minutes.”

Customer: “YOU REMAKE IT, RIGHT NOW!”

(While my manager remakes the latte—he’s even moved it forward in the line—the customer grumbles and complains about me to everyone else who is waiting, three of whom happen to be my teachers. I hand one of my teachers their order, and she gives me a huge smile.)

My Teacher: “Thank you SO much. I know it’s really hard to juggle work with school. And, look at that! My drink looks perfect. I’ll see you in class later. ”

(My teacher even makes a point of taking a huge sip and exclaiming, “Delicious!” before giving the rude customer a cheeky grin and exiting the store.)

Customer: “I… well, I…. IT’S NOT HARD TO…”

Manager: “Ma’am, here’s your drink.”

Customer: “THERE’S STILL FOAM—”

Manager: “Ma’am, those are bubbles from pouring the milk into the espresso. That is not foam.”

(At this point, the other customers start giggling. Without a word, the customer yanks the drink from him and leaves. At least she never came back!)

The Child After The Storm

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

(A bunch of young men are talking loudly in the bus and using a lot of expletives. They’re also with a female passenger who is apparently their friend and is black.)

Young Male Passenger #1: “Yeah, she’s such a f***ing b****.”

Young Male Passenger #2: “Because she’s a black c***!”

Young Female Passenger: “What?!”

Young Male Passenger #1: “Yeah!”

Young Male Passenger #2: “You black c***s can be f***ing—”

(At this moment, a boy of around age 7 gets on the bus. Hearing the rude conversation, the child immediately makes his way to the back of the bus and stands right in the middle of this group, as if challenging them to continue talking.)

Loud group: *stays completely silent for 5 seconds*

Young Male Passenger #1: “…Okay, never mind.”

Young Male Passenger #2: “Um… I meant… you black ladies are… pretty crazy. Yeah. Pretty crazy at times.”

(They stopped using offensive language after that, at least until the young boy’s parents called him back to sit with them!)

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