Acts Of God

| Australia | Money, Religion

(My job is to process insurance claims made for home and contents damages only. I make an out-bound call.)

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [me] from [company] calling. Is [customer] available, please?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Oh, good afternoon. I’m just calling in regards to the recent insurance claim made for your ‘outhouse.’ Do you have a few minutes?”

Customer: “Certainly.”

Me: “Okay, fantastic. We have received the report from [builder] regarding the damages to your ‘outhouse.’ In this report they have identified that the ‘outhouse’ in question is in fact a caravan and not an ‘outhouse.’ In light of this I’m calling to advise that it isn’t covered by your home insurance.”

Customer: *clearly doesn’t understand this* “But I use it as an outhouse, it hasn’t moved in the last 34 years. I use it to help those in need for a shelter for an evening or two. I’m doing God’s work here. It’s an outhouse.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, and whilst I respect the use that you put it to, it doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a caravan. We won’t be able to provide coverage in this instance.”

Customer: “But I’m doing God’s work! Do you hate God? Are you a heathen?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do not hate God. I am not religious and whilst I respect that you are, religion has nothing to do with insurance. For your caravan to be covered in future by [company] you will need to purchase caravan insurance for it, but I must advise you that if you purchase this now, all pre-existing damage will not be covered.”

Customer: “HEATHEN!” *click*

Children Are A Stressing

| Kansas, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(At the day care where I work, I have one kid who screams for absolutely no reason. He also has been known to become violent in a short amount of time. In this particular instance, a parent has arrived to pick up her own child while the kid is livid.)

Parent: *walks in smiling* “How’s your day going?”

Me: *smiles back* “Not too bad! Yours?”

Parent: *glances at child* “I’m just glad it’s almost Friday.”

Me: “Yeah, me too.”

(Suddenly, the kid picks up a chair, and throws it against the wall while letting out a monstrous scream, scaring not only this parent, but two other parents, the rest of the children, and myself.)

Parent: *stares at the kid and looks back at me* “God bless you!”

Seeing Red

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(Two customers approach the concession stand.)

Customer: “I’d like a small red slushie.”

Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with that!”

(I go around the corner and try to get him his drink. The machine is working poorly, and I can’t get anything to come out. I pull the lever as hard as I can, with no success.)

Me: *to my manager* “I think we have a problem.”

(As soon as I say it, the slushie explodes out of the machine, covering me from head to toe and spreading over about a third of the concession stand. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment, then grab a paper towel, wipe off the cup, and bring it back around to the customer, who is obviously trying not to laugh.)

Me: *to his friend* “And can I get you anything?”

Customer’s Friend: *grinning* “Yes. A small red slushie, please!”

Resistance To Assistance

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m in a quite upmarket department store in Edinburgh, buying a new camera, and the store operates a concierge service for the assistants. You speak to a desk, and they arrange for a trained assistant to come and deal with you personally. I have been placed on the list and am awaiting my assistant at the camera desk, when a woman walks up to the opposite and just stands there. Five minutes later, the assistant arrives to help me.)

Assistant: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you?”

Other Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve been stood here five minutes and he’s been here two. You should be helping me first!”

Assistant: “I’m sorry. This gentleman has requested assistance from the concierge. Have you arranged for an assistant?”

Other Customer: “Yes, I did before him so you should be dealing with me first!”

Assistant: “I’m so sorry. If you have arranged for an assistant, then one should be along shortly. However, I have been assigned to assist with this gentleman.”

(Five minutes pass, and the other customer is getting annoyed just standing there. The assistant is taking me through various different features of the cameras. Suddenly the other customer walks around to my side of the counter and interrupts.)

Other Customer: “Listen, I was here first! I should be helped!”

Assistant: “I’m sure your assistant will be here shortly.”

Other Customer: “This boy shouldn’t even be in here. He is clearly going to steal whatever it is you are trying to sell.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m 26, not a boy, and I was here at least 10 minutes before you!”

Other Customer: “You’re lying! I saw you walk up to the counter after me!”

Me: “Yes, because I was coming back from the concierge desk over there, after booking my assistant. I was here for ten minutes before that having a look around, and you were nowhere to be seen. In fact, you bumped into me whilst I was at the desk as you came off the escalator and didn’t apologise. You haven’t been anywhere near the desk to arrange an assistant, so that’s why no one has come to help you.”

Other Customer: “It’s a shop! You don’t need to book an assistant! I’m more important than you, so I should be treated first! I’ve just left work because I’m sick and I need to have this sorted now!”

Me: “So, you’ve not arranged an assistant even though you were standing next to two signs that said ‘If you require assistance please speak with the concierge’, and you have been stood there for ten minutes complaining about no service. You’re ill, so you thought it would be a good idea to come into a store with hundreds of other people for you to infect today, and potentially hundreds more another day because you’re getting your germs everywhere. You’re claiming you’re better than me despite the fact that I read the signs, have been patient and calm, and have not done anything to suggest I’d steal other than wearing casual clothing?”

(The other customer then leaves in a huff, walks to the concierge and arranges the assistant. One minute later, an assistant comes to help her.)

Other Customer: “I’ve been waiting for you for 20 minutes! The customer service here is horrendous! I want to speak to your manager!”

Assistant #2: “Actually, I am the floor manager today. I was informed of your outburst and I was asked to deal with you as no other assistant wished to deal with your attitude, and your illness. I am fully aware that you only asked for an assistant less than two minutes ago, but have been stood at the desk next to the signs telling you what to do for ten minutes. I am happy to help you, but please try to keep calm or I will have security escort you from the building. Also, please do not touch any products or surfaces as we do not want our customers to get ill.”

(The other customer was quite shocked, but clearly took on board everything the manager said. Her issue was dealt with, which was to find out what type of memory card her camera would take, which happened to be the cheapest model the shop sold. I left shortly after with my new, high-end DSLR at a discount because of the hassle.)

They Got Owned

| Greenwich, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I work in a very affluent part of town at a very well-known clothing store. The owners are known around town and come into the store very often. We get a lot of wealthy and prominent customers who are used to getting what they want, no matter what. Because of this, we try do everything we can to satisfy them the best we can.)

Me: “Hello there, can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I am looking for [item], and I need it in this size.”

Me: “Okay! Let me go check for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

(Meanwhile, one of the owners walks in and starts talking to my manager.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t happen to have that item in stock. I can check another store for you if you like, and we can ship it to you free of charge.”

Customer: *screaming* “THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS ITEM NOW! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT SOMEWHERE!”

Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but we do not have that item. We don’t have it in any sizes. We unfortunately sold out. But I can call a few of our other stores and get it shipped to you.”

Customer: “NOT ACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS NOW!”

(She sees another customer who is wearing what she wants. This ‘customer’ just happens to be the owner.)

Customer: “This is the item I want. GIVE IT TO ME!”

Other Customer/Owner: *winks at me*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot ask this customer to give you his shorts. I can check another store for you though.”

Customer: “No! I want his shorts!” *turns to the owner* “Give me your shorts! I know the owner personally. He says I can do whatever I want!”

Other Customer/Owner: “Oh, I had know idea that you knew the owner. What’s his name?”

Customer: “Um, his name is Paul! Now give me the shorts!”

(Meanwhile, a few other customers and the manager walk over to see the fuss.)

Other Customer/Owner: “Huh, that’s weird. My name isn’t Paul. Welcome to my store. Now, get out before I press charges.”

Customer: *freezes and runs out of the store*

(I unfortunately didn’t get a raise. I’m only a seasonal employee, but I did end up being able to get a huge discount on clothes for the rest of my life and I even got to pick out a few outfits free of charge!)

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