Needs To Go Back To Square One

| Rochester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

Customer: “I’m looking for a square tablecloth. I need 52 by 52, but it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Hmm, well what’s the size of the table?”

Customer: “Well, it’s 52 by 104.”

Me: “So you’re looking for an oblong tablecloth?”

Customer: “I could have sworn it was a square.”

Sound Of The Penny Dropping

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Money

(We get a lot of people call us up when they find old banknotes and coins. Mostly, they’re worthless.)

Customer: “I’ve found a really old £1 note, and I want to know if it’s worth anything?”

Colleague: “Is there a signature on the front?”

Customer: “It’s ‘DHF Somerset.'”

Colleague: “Ah, well, that note was produced in the early 1980s. It’s not worth anything.”

Customer: “No, it’s much earlier than that! It has the dates ‘1642 to 1727’ on the back, and a picture of Isaac Newton. That’s very old!”

Colleague: “Those are the dates he was alive. Besides, if it was produced back then, they couldn’t have put a picture of the current Queen on the front. Could they?”

Customer: “Oh…”

No Thick Crust For Crusty Old Bigots

| GA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink

(A regular at our restaurant comes in while I’m working the register. He’s about 60 and always smells like alcohol. He isn’t the nicest person. It is my first time dealing with him.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

(The regular walks the length of the counter, making sure he can see everyone in the back making pizzas.)

Me: “Sir? Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?”

Regular: “Sausage pizza.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be [price].”

Regular: *pointing* “Is HE gonna cut it?”

Me: “Who?”

(The regular jabs his finger towards the 19-year-old coworker cutting the pizzas. He happens to be our only black employee.)

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s his assigned station for the day. Is that a problem?”

Regular: “If he’s gon’ touch it, I don’t want it.” *walks out*

Manager: “What happened? Did he order anything?”

Me: “No. He said he didn’t want it if [Coworker] was gonna cut it.”

Manager: “Hey, [Coworker]. Do you know that guy?”

Coworker: “Nope. Never seen him in my life.”

Manager: “Wow. I knew he was a little rude but I didn’t know he was racist.”

Me: “Why do we keep serving him?”

Manager: “We’re not allowed to refuse service to anyone, according to company policy, unless he ‘physically or verbally assaults an employee or customer.'”

(A few days pass until the regular comes in again. My coworker is working again, cutting pizzas, and I’m the cashier. My manager isn’t there.)

Me: *with a friendly customer service voice and huge smile* “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t serve your kind here.”

(The regular stares at me, confused. I just keep beaming that smile at him. Eventually he mumbles some racist and sexist slurs and walks out.)

Coworker: “HAVE A NICE DAY!”