How To Cancel Death, Part 2

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | February 19, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m calling to cancel my service because, you see, my wife is no longer with us. I haven’t been able to get into the account for some months now because, of course, I didn’t have her info.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I’m sorry to hear that. Let me pull up your account.”

(In the background, I hear a woman’s voice.)

Woman: “Honey, where are the car keys!?”

Customer: “Shut up! You’re supposed to be dead!”

Woman: “WHAT!?” *click*

Related:
How To Cancel Death

1 Thumbs
1,848
VOTES

Not Quite The Picture Perfect Finish

| Orem, UT, USA | Right | February 19, 2014

(Our studio is in a mall. I’m the photographer in a sitting with a young child. The child is throwing a tantrum, crying and screaming, while the mother stands next to me doing nothing.)

Me: “Sometimes when kids won’t cooperate, we suggest taking a break. There’s a candy store right next to us or the toy store is right across the hall.”

Mother: “I don’t want to wait any longer to get these photos done. Just take the photo.”

Me: “We could get you right in when you come back. You wouldn’t have to wait again. Sometimes kids just need a quick distraction to calm down.”

(The kid is currently in full meltdown mode.)

Mother: “Just take the photo so I can purchase a package and go home.”

(Without even looking at the child, I snap a photo. The image comes up on the screen: the child is mid-tantrum, red-faced and screaming. I turn to the mother, deadpan.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Mother: “… The candy store is right next to you?”

1 Thumbs
2,178
VOTES

Not Being A Pawn In His Game

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Right | February 19, 2014

(A customer with a thick accent comes in and places a cell-phone on the counter, which immediately begins leaking water.)

Customer: “I want new phone.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “This one not working.”

Me: “Why is it wet?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “You don’t know?”

Customer: “May have been dropped in toilet.”

Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover water damage.”

Customer: “I want new phone. This one not working.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t replace your phone. If you look at the warranty details we gave you when you bought it, you’ll see that.”

Customer: “I have large friend. Knows kickboxing!”

Me: “Are you threatening me?”

Customer: “No, no! I no threaten!”

Me: “Well, I have a friend who plays chess. I don’t see how either is relevant to the conversation.”

(The customer grabs his phone and storms out.)

1 Thumbs
2,127
VOTES

Doctor Tech Support

| Right | February 19, 2014

636737

First Lady, Last Word

| Right | February 19, 2014

1545631_589508794465225_791608190_n

Page 1,655/3,802First...1,6531,6541,6551,6561,657...Last