Supergirl

| Marshfield, WI, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(Our store is running an exclusive movie screening promotion for ‘Man Of Steel’ over the summer. We receive two cardboard stand-ups of Superman. One of them is in direct line of our automatic doors on a windy day. The stand-up falls down. I am approaching the stand-up to put it up again when a little girl, about six or seven, runs up.)

Little Girl: “Oh, no! Superman’s DEAD!”

Me: “No, sweetie, he’s not dead. He’s just resting a bit. But I think it’s time for him to get back to work. Do you want to help me?”

(The little girl nods. I bend down to lift Superman back up and she puts her hands under to help also. As she does, I hear her mutter to herself, as kids do when they are concentrating on something.)

Little Girl: “Come on, Superman. Time to get back to work!”

A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

| New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

(The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

(At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

(I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

(At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”

Named And Shamed

, | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Funny Names, Top

(My debit card has just gone missing. I think I left it at the gas station after I got gas earlier, and now I’m at work. My name is a European variation of a common American name, and though spelled similarly, is quite different. For example, Kristen versus Kirsten. As such, when people read my name, they often use the American version. One of my coworkers calls me over using my nickname.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you come here a moment?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: “This guy’s trying to use his girlfriend’s card.”

(The customer slides a credit card over that looks familiar.)

Me: “Uhm, can I see your ID?”

Customer: “It’s my girlfriend’s card; she’s out in the car. I can go get her.”

Me: “What’s her name?”

Customer: “Kristen [Last-Name].”

Me: “Spell her first name.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Please?”

Customer: *sighs* “K R I S T E N.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s going to have to come in and authorize the purchase. I’ll keep the card in the back office until you get back.”

Customer: “Give me the card, you b****!”

Me: “I can’t do that when I know this card is stolen.”

Customer: “It’s not stolen, c***! That’s my girlfriend’s card!”

Me: “No. This is my card. As you can see, my name tag is spelled correctly, and you spelled it wrong. Also, if you were my boyfriend, I’d break up with you just for not knowing what my name was.”

(I was very relieved to get my card back! Unfortunately, the customer had run up $300 worth of purchases, but luckily the restaurant I work at has a security camera, and we got his face on camera. I am later able to prove I didn’t make those purchases, so don’t have to pay for them!)