Freely Fraudulent

| Vallejo, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “Hey, could I get a sample of the Rocky Road ice cream?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I give the customer a small sampler spoon of Rocky Road.)

Customer: “Yummy! Hey, could I get a bunch of these samplers, scooped in a cup?”

Me: “Uh, sure?”

(I grab the scoop and start to put Rocky Road in a cup.)

Customer: “NO, NO, NO, NO! I wanted a bunch of free samples scooped in a cup!”

Me: “…You want a free cup of ice cream?”

Customer: “YES! HOW HARD WAS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you free ice cream.”

Customer: “It’s not free ice cream. It’s a whole bunch of free samples!”

Not So Profound Profanities

| UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(While waiting at the self-checkout tills, I overhear this conversation.)

Customer #1: “This bloody till won’t work! Why won’t it scan my coupons?”

(At this, an employee appears to help.)

Employee: “Here we are, ma’am. You just put your coupons in this slot here and it should work.”

(Suddenly, a middle-aged woman with a young daughter who are using another self-checkout pipes up.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Excuse me, could you please refrain from using language like that in public? I don’t want my daughter picking up bad habits”.

Customer #1: “Oh, of course!” *to Customer #2’s daughter* “I’m sorry, sweetie. Never ever use the word you heard me use just now…”

Customer #2: “Thanks!”

(Customer #2 smiles and gets back to scanning her items, but Customer #1 isn’t done speaking.)

Customer #1: “…unless you’re really f***ed off, that is!”

You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me, Part 2

| USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(A young woman comes in to our vet with her fairly large house cat. The cat is upset, so the young woman takes him out of the box and begins cradling him like an infant. The cat seems much happier and is purring so loudly I can hear him several feet away. When the vet calls her, she switches the cat to her hip like a baby and moves to carry him into the office. Suddenly, another customer yells out.)

Other Customer: “OH MY GOD! I thought you had a baby! You can’t carry a cat like that!”

Young Woman: *looks at her still purring cat* “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

Other Customer: “But that’s how you’re supposed to hold babies! You can’t hold a cat how you’re supposed to hold a baby!”

Vet: “Ma’am, it really isn’t bad to hold him like that as long as it doesn’t upset him. And the cat is purring. He seems quite comfortable, so I don’t see a problem with it.”

Other Customer: *to everyone else in the lobby* “Someone back me up here. She can’t hold her cat like that!”

Me: “Why, because you don’t like it?”

Cat: “Meow?”

Related:
You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me

Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya, Part 2

| Stockport, UK | Geography

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any books on Asia?”

Me: “Are you looking for history of Asia, or travel?”

Customer: “Just books on Asia.”

Me: “Well, we have a few travel books on India, China—”

Customer: “No, I just want a book about Asia. I’m going to Asia.”

Me: “I don’t think we have any travel books on the entirety of Asia. Where are you going specifically?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Asia!”

Me: “Okay, yes, but where in Asia? Turkey? Pakistan? North? South?”

Customer: “Oh, is Turkey near Asia?”

Me: “Um… it’s in Asia. Asia is a continent. It has lots of countries in it. It’s not a country itself.”

Customer: “Wait, you think Asia’s not a country? Asians have got to come from somewhere!”

Me: *gives up* “Ah. Well our travel section is just over here. Give me a shout if there’s anything you need…”

Related:
Asia: It’ll Amaze Ya

Honesty Is The Sweetest Policy

| Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(An Hispanic woman and her son, who is about six, come into the store. The mother gets the little boy a soda and he grabs a candy bar. Note: they are standing in the middle of our candy aisle, which I don’t have a completely clear view of.)

Little Boy: “Mama, can I have this? I’ve been good!”

Mother: *in English* “No, put it back. I don’t have the money for it and the soda.” *in Spanish* “Just put it in your pocket. She will never know.”

Little Boy: “No!”

Mother: *in Spanish* “That stupid b**** will never know! She can’t see you from there!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Mother: *innocently smiles* “Yes?”

Me: *in Spanish* “The stupid b**** speaks Spanish.” *in English* “So, if you’re smart, you’ll either put the candy bar on the counter with the soda, or put it back. It’s your choice.”

(The mother puts the candy bar back, pays for the drink, and then walked out. The little boy lags behind and approaches the counter by himself.)

Little Boy: *shakes his head* “I don’t know why mama thinks white people don’t know Spanish.” *whispers* “That’s racist!” *normal volume* “Don’t worry, when we get home Daddy and I will put Mama in time-out for being bad and saying a dirty word!”

(The kid made my day, so I bought him the candy bar for being honest and so adorable!)

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