Doesn’t Have A Glue

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(We have bottles of hand sanitizer at the pick-up and drop off counters for customers to use if they please.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer: “WHAT DID I JUST PUT ON MY HANDS?”

Me: “Er, what?”

Customer: *waving hands frantically* “What’s in that bottle? It’s not glue is it? My hands aren’t going to stick to my cart when I touch it?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s just hand sanitizer.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks! Have a good day!”

(The customer leaves without getting anything from the dispensary.)

Me: *to coworker* “Why the h*** would we have glue in squirt bottles?”

To Kill A Flirtation

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(A man has just brought his two dogs in, named Scout and Atticus.)

Me: “Your dogs are so cute and sweet!”

Owner: “Oh, thanks!”

Me: “I love their names! To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book! It’s a shame your last name isn’t Finch. Haha!”

Owner: “Yeah… It’s also my wife’s favorite. My VERY pregnant wife. And three kids.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice.”

Owner: “Yeah. I’m married. And I have three kids.”

Me: “O… kay…”

(Once the owner leaves, my boss starts cracking up.)

Boss: “[My Name]! Stop hitting on our clients!”

Me: “I wasn’t! I was just being nice!”

Boss: “Oh, my God. That was hilarious.”

Me: “But… I was just being polite and making conversation!”

(After that, I was a little more careful with whom I struck up a conversation. The man and his family are now regular clients. I’m glad I didn’t scare them off!)

With A Side Order Of Hypocrisy

| ID, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s my first night shift at my new job. Two customers come in at around 9 pm.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Can I have a chicken sandwich?”

Customer #2: “Ugh. Don’t do that! All the food here is crap! It’s CRAP! You’ll get FAT!”

Me: *awkwardly* “So… would you like—”

Customer #2: “It isn’t real food here, anyway. It’s all processed and fake!”

Customer #1: “Are you getting something or not?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.” *to me* “Gimme two double cheeseburgers and a medium fry.”