The Proof Is In The Toppings

| Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I’m working at a popular sandwich chain during a busy dinner rush. Two men, one of which is much older than the other, approach the counter. The younger man orders two footlongs while the older one hangs back, so I figure they are for the both of them. After I finish, I attempt to move on to the next customer.)

Older Customer: “EXCUSE ME, are you just gonna f***in’ skip me?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought your order was finished. What can I get for you?”

Older Customer: “I want two footlong clubs on white bread, double meat.”

(I get the bread out, cut it, and realize that the kind of sandwich he requested has slipped my mind.)

Me: “Sir, can you remind me what kind of sandwiches you wanted?”

Older Customer: “I JUST f***in’ told you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s just been a very long day, sir. It slipped my mind. I remember you wanted double meat, though.”

Older Customer: “I ain’t holdin’ your hand, little girl. You better remember f***in’ quick.”

(Luckily for me, the younger man steps in, looking apologetic, and tells me.)

Older Customer: “What’re you doin’? These monkeys need to learn better!”

(I remain quiet and begin making the sandwiches. Note: a regular club sandwich is made with four slices turkey folded, fourslices roast beef folded, and two slices of ham laid flat. To save time, I usually take two slices of meat together and add them like that, as is the case here.)

Older Customer: “That’s not double meat.”

Me: “Yes it is, sir…”

(I explain the sandwich formula to him and show the amount of meat on the bread.)

Older Customer: “It doesn’t look like double meat to me.”

Me: “I’ve already shown you that it is, sir.”

Older Customer: “Double meat means double meat!”

Me: “I gave you double meat. I’ve already explained that.”

Older Customer: “DOUBLE MEAT MEANS DOUBLE GODD*** MEAT!”

(Suddenly, my coworker running the register jumps in, pulls our sandwich-making reference sheet off the sneeze-guard, and shoves it in the older customer’s face.)

Coworker: “As you can see, sir, this is the proper formula for a club. Why don’t we just make sure your sandwich has exactly double of that?”

(My coworker grabs a piece of deli paper and, piece by piece, disassembles the sandwich while loudly counting the slices and then places them on the paper. The older customer looks very embarrassed, while everyone in line who isn’t pissed off is snickering wildly—even his young companion.)

Older Customer: “OKAY! OKAY! I BELIEVE YOU! JUST MOVE ON!”

Coworker: “Are you sure? I could count it again if you aren’t.”

Older Customer: *mumbles* “D*** b****es!”

(On the plus side, he kept completely silent for the rest of the transaction with his head down.)

How About A Catpuccino Instead

| Iowa, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I am working at the drive up window at a locally owned coffee shop. Our blended drinks are called “coolers.” A customer in his mid-forties pulls up to the window.)

Customer: “Do you make your coolers with yogurt or cat?”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Do you make your coolers with…” *makes a “meow” sound* “…cats or yogurt?”

Me: “Uh, we use milk or iced coffee depending on how many calories you want in the drink.”

Customer: “Oh. No thank you.”

Me: “Can I make you something else then?”

Customer: “NO! Maybe if you used cats.”

Me: “Uh…Okay, I’m—”

Customer: “MEOW!” *drives off quickly*

When Customers Actually Give A Jam

| Montpellier, France | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

(At the checkout counter, a mother and her son are behind an elderly lady in line. The kid keeps bumping on the elderly lady with their shopping cart.)

Elderly Lady: “Excuse me, young lady, could you please tell your son to stop pushing your cart on me?”

Mother: “No way! You must not upset children! That’s how they get traumatized!”

(The mother indeed does nothing to stop her son. Suddenly, another customer—young man standing in line behind them—takes a jar of jam, opens it, and pours it on the mother’s head.)

Mother: *shocked and dripping with jam* “Are you CRAZY? What the h*** are you doing?”

Young Man: “Listen, lady. You see, I was also raised like this, with no limits. I did everything and whatever I wanted… and I still do!”

(The mother quickly leaves the store with her son, angry and covered with jam. For the record, the elderly lady insisted to pay for the jam.)

A Change In Atti-two-de

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(I am working the register where a customer has just paid with a bunch of two dollar bills. Just to be sure we can take them, I ask my manager, who says yes. Upon hearing this, the customer starts making fun of me.)

Customer: “Haha! Haven’t you ever seen a $2 bill before?! Aren’t you a real American? I’ve never seen anyone who doesn’t know what a $2 bill is. Haha!”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, sir.”

(The customer then proceeds to get the rest of the line behind him to laugh at me. I am humiliated and stewing by this point, but send him on his way, smiling the whole time. Later, I’m in the back room counting the money in my register into the safe for the end of my shift. My manager comes into the back to talk to me.)

Manager: “There’s a customer at the front counter who wants to talk to you.”

(I go out there and it’s the $2 bill customer from earlier. I’m bracing myself for round two when this happens.)

Customer: “I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for making fun of you earlier. It wasn’t right. I was in a bad mood and I took it out on you, and you didn’t deserve it.”

Me: “It’s okay, sir.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. You were just trying to do your job and I embarrassed you. That’s not okay. I’m very sorry. Buddies?”

Me: “Buddies.” *we shake hands*

(After I got off work he told me some of the history of $2 bills. When he left he said, “Don’t let them get to you!” He comes in almost every day now, and it’s always nice to see him!)

Don’t Count Out The Cost Of Education

| Gainesville, Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I’m the specialist for the children’s books. A customer comes up and asks me to take her to a popular kids’ series, so I do.)

Customer: “Now, my granddaughter has numbers 1 and 2.”

Me: “Great. We have the rest of the series if you’d like to pick up a few more.”

Customer: “But what should I get?” *spreads her hands helplessly* “She has 1 and 2 already, what should I get next?”

Me: “You could get 3.”

(The customer stands there blankly while I point to the book. She doesn’t move or react until I physically pick it up and put it in her hand.)

Customer: “And then… should I go down to 4?”

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