All Madness, No Meth(od)

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m the evening manager. Customer #1 is buying an odd mix of items that are frequently used in meth production. He’s also buying spray paint, which is clearly labeled on the shelf and register that we require photo identification to validate age, due to city laws.)

Cashier: “With the spray paint, I need to see identification, sir.”

Customer #1: “F*** you, b****! You ain’t stealing my identity!”

Cashier: “Sir, I cannot sell spray paint without seeing your ID. I can put the paint back if you’d rather not buy the paint.”

Customer #1: “I’m buying the paint! B****, you can sell me my paint!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

(As I am talking, I see another customer in the back, starting to dial his phone.)

Customer #1: “B****! Think you can f*** with me? Here’s my identi-f*****-cation!” *throws wallet at cashier* “I’ll get that back after you close!” *storms out the door*

Customer #2: “I’ve called the cops already. Do I need to step out so you can lock the store?”

Me: “Nah. We have video and I now have his wallet. Plus, he’s still in his car. Plate is [number].”

(The other customer relayed the number to dispatch. As the cops pulled in, Customer #1 ran to the back. The cop announced he had a dog, and let the dog go. Apparently the customer thought the dog and cop wouldn’t see him lying on the dumpster lid.)

A Hit Of Caffeine

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

Daughter: “You are?”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

(The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity, Part 2

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Four guests on one table order a bottle of sweet red wine.)

Me: “Do you want four glasses with that?”

Guest #1: “No, thanks. Not for me.”

Guest #2: *to Guest #1 “What? You are not drinking the wine with us? The bottle is on me.”

Guest #1: “No, thanks. That wine is far too sweet for me, and it contains loads of sugar. I am just not into sugary drinks. I’ll have something else instead.” *to me* “I would like to order a large Coke.”

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There’s No Sugar-Coating Some Stupidity