Drop(out) The Bomb

| AB, Canada | School, Underaged

(I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

Me: “Beg pardon?”

Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

(Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

Customer: “Summer 2010?”

Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

(I wait.)

Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

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The Man With The Dubbing Taboo

| Ireland | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(A customer comes up holding up a copy of the Swedish version of ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’.)

Customer: “Is this in Swedish?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, however it comes provided with English subtitles or with English dubbing. The DVD will give you the option before the movie starts.”

Customer: “Hmmm, shame… I don’t speak Swedish.”

Me: “Well, ‘dubbing’ means you can listen to it entirely in the English language. You just have to select the English dubbed option at the start of the movie and you won’t have to listen to it in Swedish at all!”

Customer: “But the main actors are Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And the entire cast is Swedish, yes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm…” *appears to think about this for a minute* “No, I think I’ll leave it. I don’t speak any Swedish at all. Thanks for your help!”

Bigotry & Hate Vs. The Pearly Gates

| Rapid City, SD, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(It’s around Christmas and I’m a customer at a nationwide discount store. I notice a customer pointing at an African American angel display.)

Racist Customer: “Black angels? Who the f*** heard of black angels?? There ain’t no black angels in heaven!”

(This garners some outraged glares, especially from an African American family browsing nearby. However, before the employees can step in, this occurs…)

Family’s 8-year-old Daughter: “That’s because I’m not there yet!”

Racist Customer: *quickly leaves the story, embarrassed*

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Airheaded Dimwits

| San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”

Let’s Hope He’s All Talk And No Trousers

| MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(At my job, we plan and host events for a small private college community. I am manning the phones, and I get a call from a retired professor trying to order tickets to a popular event that had sold out the week before.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but tickets sold out last week. If you like, I can put you on a waiting list in case someone cancels their reservation.”

Retired Professor: “Sure, sweetheart, let’s do that. We can always cross our fingers and hope that someone dies.”

Me: “…That, too.”

Retired Professor: “So, if I get a call from you, I’ll put pants on and bring the check over to the office?”

Me: “Okay…”

Retired Professor: “Or, maybe I’ll forget the pants. At my age, pants are optional.”

Me: “I envy you.”

Retired Professor: *has a wheezing laugh attack* “I hope I cheered you up on this rainy Monday, sweetheart! Have a nice day!” *click*

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