The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

(Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

Me: “Wha?”

Patron: “Like this one, here!”

(He holds up an old VHS.)

Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

Me: “‘Pennies,'” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

Killing Two Types Of Bigot With One Stone

| MO, USA | Bigotry

(I recently got married. Due to the nature of my job, I opted for a simple wedding band instead of one with a stone that could easily get caught on things while I am working.)

Customer: “Are you a lesbian?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You have a man’s ring.”

Me: “Oh, no. My husband and I got matching bands. I didn’t want a stone because it could get in the way at work.”

Customer: “Husband? So you’re not a lesbian?”

Me: “No, I am not. Like I said, a simple band seemed more practical to me.”

Customer: “Well, you should get a girl’s ring! How do you expect people to know you’re not a lesbian with THAT on your finger?”

Take Note And Buy A Pen

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “[Store]. Hello?”

Customer: “Hi.I need the number for [Company] support.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a pen ready?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, here’s the number. [Number].”

Customer: “Could you repeat that?”

Me: “Sure.” *repeats number*

Customer: “D***. One more time, please?”

Me: *repeats number*

Customer: “D*** it!”

Me: “Can you not hear me or something?”

Customer: “I can hear you. I just don’t have a pen and paper. I was trying to memorize the number.”